


Let's Dance Slowly Forever

by MissCoppelia



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben Solo is Jewish, Ben is married to Phasma, Cheating, Depression, F/M, First Order as an Advertising Agency, Former Opera Singer Ben, Grief/Mourning, Karaoke, Leia and Han have passed away, Multi, Music, Mutual Pining, Mutually Unrequited, Singing, Slow Burn, Unresolved Sexual Tension, depressed ben solo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2019-09-27 18:08:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 43,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17166779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissCoppelia/pseuds/MissCoppelia
Summary: Ben Solo doesn't usually find himself at karaoke bars. He left the opera world behind for a music licensing gig, and he hasn't done much of anything since his parents died. But one night he gets dragged to one by Phasma and Hux, and something inside him starts to change.





	1. Somebody to Love

**Author's Note:**

> Read. The. Tags.
> 
> I suspect some people will take issue with parts of this fic, so please be aware. I'll do my best to update them when I remember and when it's appropriate. There will be a rating change at some point.
> 
> Of course, these lyrics are not my own, and I make no claim to them. I hope this fic won't be too heavy on the song lyrics, but it will depend on the chapter sometimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic has a playlist! [You can find it by clicking here.](https://open.spotify.com/user/20p7pcmkw3kb37ps98gusgykq/playlist/1vZLeVzZBNaca0elxobypb?si=LoWfxyJ3Q3WGv7ZF560sgw)  
> Thank you to [TehanuFromEarthsea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TehanuFromEarthsea/pseuds/TehanuFromEarthsea) for being my beta on chapter 1!

"Next up is our very own Daisy, everyone! Coming to you with Sixpence None the Richer's 'Kiss Me!'"  
  
Rey put her order pad down on the bar and crossed the floor, smiling and waving as a few of the Raddus’ regulars whooped at her in approval. She smoothed the front of her gogo dancer dress and hoped it hadn't gotten stained by someone’s nachos. Her feet took her up the few steps leading to the stage as she nodded to Rose. Her friend tapped a button on her laptop and the gentle strumming of the guitar intro began. Looking down for a moment as the chords repeated, she let her body find the rhythm.  
  
_Kiss me out of the bearded barley/ Nightly, beside the green, green grass..._  
  
The lights were bright, but she could see Poe and Finn at their table up front cheering as the verse went on. Most of her tables tonight were other regulars, but one in particular had three strikingly tall patrons she'd never seen before. Two men and a woman. Rey had been pleased to learn the ginger and the blonde woman were fellow Brits, even if they were a bit cold to her when she took their drink order. She was always more socially inclined than most of her countrymen, after all.  
  
_Swing, swing, swing the spinning step/You'll wear those shoes and I will wear that dress..._  
  
Their black-haired companion was the one she was really curious about. An American, probably. Sometimes someone wound up being Canadian though and that would throw her for a loop, so she stopped assuming. He was a strange sort of handsome, his long face dotted with moles and freckles. His nose and ears were a little too big, and his eyes were terribly intense, but somehow it all worked. Especially when the side of his mouth twitched into a smirk as she cracked a joke about American beers being so watered down. And as Rey looked out over the crowd, she saw him watching her, curious. Rey began wondering how inappropriate it would be to slip him her number.  
  
_Lift your open hand/Strike up the band, and make the fireflies dance silver moon's sparkling/So kiss me..._

  
-

Ben hadn't expected to enjoy going out to a karaoke bar, let alone a British pub-turned-karaoke bar. It seemed like the kind of place where everyone would be overconfident and drunk off their asses, making them sing off key. The kind of place inhabited by giggly bachelorette parties and drunk bros. And those people were there, but most could at least carry a tune, to his great relief. So far there had only been one truly awful rendition of Journey's "Don't Stop Believing." The KJ was terrific at making everyone laugh between songs, and it was fun watching the staff get up and sing alongside the patrons when they got into it. He could live with this. Despite the explosion of Union Jacks on nearly every possible surface. Even the poor waitresses’ dresses...  
  
_Bring, bring, bring your flowered hat/We'll take the trail marked on your father's map..._  
  
Really, it had been nice of Phasma and Hux to force him out of the office, unexpected as it was. He was staying late far too often and returning home just long enough to eat, sleep, take a shower and complete his morning runs. He couldn't remember the last time he had done something fun that hadn't been forced upon him. It was probably before his father's death three years ago. And then his mother’s sudden death last year had left him feeling even more bereft and too ragged to enjoy much of anything. Their waitress had made some snarky comment about American beers being practically water compared to British ales and he'd smiled at it without a second thought. What had gotten into him?  
  
_Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight/Lead me out on the moonlit floor..._  
  
He hadn't really taken much notice of her until she stepped up on stage. He’d heard the KJ say something about all the employees getting a chance to show off their skills, and everyone remember to tip them extra if they liked the performances.  
  
Phasma snorted, "Oh that is exactly the kind of song that girl would sing."  
  
Hux laughed once and sneered. "Yeah, she looks like a real twit."  
  
Ben rolled his eyes. If he were in the mood, he probably would have joined in, but the girl didn't do anything to deserve it. A sweet grin crossed her face as she sang, her eyes closed like the song reminded her of a happy memory. And really, her voice was pleasant.  
  
_So kiss me…_

-

The audience cheered for Rey's performance. Finn gave her a high five, but Poe stood and gave her big, dramatic kisses on both her cheeks. "Kisses for a lovely performance as always! Bravissima!"  
  
She laughed and kissed him on the cheek in return before making her way back to the bar. Rose called out the next song and the night returned to its usual pace.  
  
-  
  
Ben had been politely clapping when he saw a curly haired man grab the waitress (Daisy?) and kiss her cheeks. For a second he grew very concerned that they were all witnessing her being sexually harassed by a drunk patron, but relaxed when she kissed his cheeks right back. Maybe they were dating. When the man sat back down, he recognized the other man sitting with him.  
  
He leaned back towards Phasma. "Isn't that guy the intern who rage quit on you?"  
  
Both Hux and Phasma whipped their heads toward the table Ben had indicated, before Phasma's face wrinkled in anger. "That fucking traitor."  
  
"I wonder what they're doing here." He wasn't surprised at her reaction. Finn Trooper's rash exit from First Order Marketing had inadvertently destroyed Phasma's reputation with their largest client and got her entire team punished by the CEO, Snoke. She had been and still was furious. The repercussions from the snafu had not entirely disappeared even two years later.  
  
"I should fucking kill him," she snarled.  
  
Hux put a hand on her shoulder. "Don't. It's not going to solve anything. You'll just get us kicked out."  
  
Someone finished their song to some enthusiastic clapping as Phasma listed all the new ways she'd like to torture the poor man. Suddenly the KJ's booming voice came on. "Time for my boy Finn to come on up! Get on up and show 'em how you do, baby! With a little Bruno Mars coming your way..."  
  
Finn jumped up on stage, smiling at the crowd, but the moment he saw Phasma glowering at him from the crowd, his face dropped a little. He turned away quickly and grinned nervously at the KJ. "Hit it, babe!"  
  
_This hit, that ice cold/Michelle Pfeiffer, that white gold..._  
  
"Would you like me to clear that for you?"  
  
Ben looked up to see their waitress (Ah yes, her name tag did say Daisy) gesturing at his empty glass.  
  
"Yes, thanks."  
  
"Can I get you anything more to drink?"  
  
_Got Chucks on with Saint Laurent/Gotta kiss myself, I'm so pretty_  
  
She had been looking directly at Ben when she said it, and he couldn't help but notice how pretty her eyes were. They were an unusual almond shape, one that flicked upwards just so. He couldn't quite make out the color in the dim light of the pub.  
  
"I'll have another pint, thanks," Hux interjected, snapping Ben out of it.  
  
He ordered another round of whiskey neat for himself and Phasma.  
  
_Girls hit your hallelujah!_  
  
Whoo!   the audience responded.  


-

Rey bit her lip as she slipped the order to the bartenders and took out a full tray to another table. After getting a few more good looks at him, she really wanted to give the tall American (Canadian?) man her number, but it was probably breaking some unspoken rule and she didn't want to lose this gig. Money was tight enough, even though she worked three jobs. She couldn’t afford to drop out of school and lose her visa. She delivered the order on her tray and returned to the bar.

_Come on, dance, jump on it/If you sexy then flaunt it_

"Kaydel!" she mouthed at one of the bartenders. The girl turned and wandered down the bar toward Rey, pouring a shot as she walked.  
  
"What's up, Daze?"  
  
"Do you know if..." She paused for a second, feeling embarrassed by how utterly thirsty it sounded. "If it's against pub policy to hit on patrons?"  
  
Kaydel raised her eyebrows and gave Rey a wide, knowing grin. "Who?"  
  
By the time Kaydel filled that table’s order, Rey had written her number down on two napkins and torn them up, and now she was staring anxiously at a third. The bartender plucked it out of her hand. "Did he order the Guinness or the whiskey?"  
  
"Whiskey," she blushed. The other woman smiled and placed the napkin underneath a tumbler. Rey gulped and grabbed the tray.

_Uptown funk you up/Uptown funk you up!_

  
"Sorry for the wait, folks." She said before setting down the ginger's Guinness in front of him. "Busy night."  
  
Rey picked up one of the whiskeys and had nearly set it down in front of her target when Finn came off the stage. She smiled at him as passed by the table, but he was looking nervously at the people she was serving.

  
“Bruno Mars?” The ginger scoffed. “I guess we can only expect uninspired drivel from someone like you, Finn.”  
  
\- 

Ben heard the waitress gasp at Hux’s snide remark. Finn tensed and froze in place, trying to think of a snappy comeback, no doubt. But it was unlikely he’d be able to counter one of Hux’s verbal teardowns.  
  
“Excuse me, that’s my friend you just insulted!”  
  
Ben turned to look at their waitress who had a look of utter contempt on her face as she glared at Hux. There went two-thirds of her tip.  
  
“What’s your bloody problem with his singing anyway?”  
  
Finn looked back at the table and put his hand on the young woman’s shoulder, his eyes burned with anger. “Er-Daze, don’t bother with these assholes.”  
  
Phasma laughed haughtily. “So you can dish it out, but you can’t take it, Trooper?”  
  
“Fuck off, Phasma,” Finn retorted.  
  
Suddenly the curly-haired man popped up behind Finn, all smile and concern. “Hey guys, what’s wrong here? The whole bar’s wondering.”

Ben glared at Phasma, who looked like she was enjoying the drama a little too much for his taste. “Nothing’s wrong here. These two are just a little drunk. Sorry about them.”  
  
Phasma chuckled, maintaining eye contact with Ben. “Yeah, _sorry, mate.”_

\- 

There was a tense moment as they all waited for someone to make a move or say something snide. Finally Poe patted Finn’s back and led him away. “C’mon, Finn. Just ignore them. You were great as always.”

  
Angry, Rey slammed down the two whiskeys on the table. She was pleased to see all three flinch.  
  
“I don’t care how fucking knackered you are, _mates._ We don’t make other people uncomfortable about their singing ability here,” she sneered. “Best remember that if you ever want to be welcome here again.”     
  
“Sorry,” the hot one mumbled. At least he had some decency.  
  
Rose finally called out the next song as Rey rushed toward her friends’ table. Some of the other waitresses were lingering around too and Poe was rubbing Finn’s arm to comfort him.  
  
“What the heck was that?” Tallie Lintra asked.  


“Some people Finn used to work with,” Poe responded. “Those assholes from that marketing company.”  
  
Rey frowned. She had been there for the fallout of Finn’s breakdown. He had won himself a coveted internship at a top notch advertising agency, only to experience horrible verbal abuse at the hands of his mentors, despite all the hard work and results he’d achieved. He’d held on until a meeting with one of the firm’s largest clients when the woman had loudly insulted his intelligence. Finn had snapped, given the whole room a rundown of the First Order’s employee abuse and left.  
  
Afterward he was a mess. Absolutely paranoid for months that the company would sue him, or worse. Rey wasn’t sure what worse would be exactly, but he couldn’t shake the fear for the longest time. It took him a full year to find his footing again and switch to programming instead.  
  
“Do you want me to have them kicked out?” Rey asked. “I can go get Larma…”  
  
Finn shook his head. “It was just a shock to see them here.”  
  
Rey smiled. “Yeah, but I bet they’re terrible singers who only know shite from _Glee._ ”

She was relieved to hear her friend chuckle at that. He’d be alright.

-

Ben was starting to get irritated. Another five songs had come and gone, and only Phasma had gotten to sing so far. He wanted to get out of there and forget the embarrassing mess Hux had gotten them into, but the other two had insisted on singing before leaving. Ben caught another glare from the KJ and sighed.

 "Next up we have a special request, ooooo la la," the peppy Asian woman cooed into the microphone. "My darling Miss Daisy, the queen of Queen, won't you come up here and sing?"  


The waitress had been serving another table when the crowd started whooping and calling her name. She had, of course, avoided their table after the whole altercation. She looked a bit like a deer in the headlights. Ah no, that was because someone had actually pointed the house lights on her. A few years ago he might have rolled his eyes at the dramatic flair, but he actually kind of liked how into it the rest of the audience was.

  
"What do you say, Your Majesty? Your subjects need 'Somebody to Love!'"  
  
Daisy smirked and in her best Windsor accent said, "Well, if Britain needs me, I shall not disappoint!"  
  
After laughter and claps of approval, a hush fell over the crowd. Thankfully Daisy had already passed them when Phasma groaned, "Good god, this place is cheesy."  
  
"It's just the kind of place this is, Phaz," Hux stated evenly. "They don't know any good music, so they just sing what's popular."  
  
"That's a lot of talk coming from the two people who dragged me here," Ben snorted.

  
Phasma pouted. "Don't spoil our snark, sweetie."  
  
_Caaan..._  
  
The bar around them erupted with the next lines.  
  
_Anybody...Find me...Somebody to...love..._  
  
"Jesus fucking Christ," Hux managed before returning to stunned silence.  
  
Ben stared wide-eyed at the stage. It was quickly becoming clear that her earlier performance had just been a warm up and this was the main event. He could feel adrenaline surging through his system, a kind of excitement he hadn’t felt for years.  
  
_Each morning I get up I die a little/Can barely stand on my feet!_  
  
Somehow she was matching Freddie's voice note for note. But it wasn't just the sounds. She spent a whole verse down on her knees, hands clasping in prayer around the mike and Ben could feel her weariness, her loneliness, the questions she sent out into the ether hoping that someone heard her. His heart began to lurch at the idea of her unhappiness.  
  
_She works hard!_ the chorus shouted.  
  
_Everyday,_ Rey responded, pounding the floor with her hand. _I try, and I try, and I try! But everybody wants to put me down/They say I'm goin' crazy!_  
\- 

Rey loved Queen. Their music was a perfect excuse to really perform, not just sing. There weren't a lot of karaoke favorites out there that were so downright theatrical. She could beat her chest, crumple to the floor, stomp around the stage, really act out whatever emotion the song called for, and the audience always loved it. She loved it too.  
  
She looked out past the stage lights during a guitar solo and saw him watching her, utterly transfixed. Butterflies started in her stomach and she had to remind herself that he was at least friendly with the people who had shat on Finn. His pretty face could rot.  
  
_Got no feel, I got no rhythm/I just keep losing my beat/I'm OK, I'm alright_  
  
Of course the audience helped her along, calling back to her, reaching out for her each time she stretched a hand towards them. Whatever nervousness she might have felt dissipated as soon as their voices rang out to her again.  
  
Singing was the closest thing to spirituality that Rey had. There was very little else that would set her right like music did, and being able to sing along had always felt like a weight being lifted. It kept her sane when life had gotten rough growing up. Busking on the street had gotten her money for food when she had none. And now, thank goodness, she didn't need stand outside and beg for coin. But there was still nothing quite like the feeling of performing.  
  
_Find me, find me love..._  
  
Rey sighed with satisfaction as the whole bar burst into applause and cheers. She took a small bow and dashed off the stage.  
  
Rose whooped behind her. "Damn, that's going to be a hard act to follow! We're going to take a 10 minute break and then we'll be back with...Hugs and 'Time is Running Out.'"

-  
  
At Ben's table, Hux grimaced at the announcement.  
  
Phasma shook her head. "I swear they love that band a lot more than we ever did back home."  
  
Ben, on the other hand, was bristling with excitement. His mind raced, thinking of songs he could sing. There weren't many well suited for a deep voice like his, but he knew a few. He picked up his whiskey and took a sip, contemplating Elvis and Johnny Cash. When was the last time he had _wanted_ to sing?  
  
"What is that?"  
  
He looked down at where Phasma was pointing. A normal cocktail napkin aside from the fact that it was embellished with an English Bulldog...and someone's number. Someone named Rey. Hux laughed and picked it up. "Ben's still got it."  
  
A giggle escaped Phasma's lips and turned into a snort. "Guess she didn't realize you're married, stud."  
  
"You're the one who didn't want to do rings," he sighed.  
  
\--  
  
Kaydel crossed the bar as Rey loaded up a tray of drinks and food. "That's the table, right?"  
  
"Which?" Rey frowned. It was a busy night after all.  
  
"The one that dragged on Finn and the one you gave the napkin to," she replied, jabbing a thumb over to the offending table.  
  
She turned to look and saw the redheaded man holding the napkin and laughing. The blonde next to him was covering her mouth tightly and clearly overcome with the giggles.  
  
She couldn't see the black haired man's reaction, which was a good thing. But she did see him take the napkin and rip it to pieces. Her stomach lurched hard, it was a wonder she didn't hurl right then and there.  
  
Rey turned to the waitress next to her. "Jessika, would you mind switching tables with me?"  
  
\--  
  
Something about the way they laughed at whichever poor girl had made a pass at him got on Ben's nerves. He snatched the napkin out of Hux's hands and ripped it up, deflecting their snark with an excuse about not wanting to humiliate whomever it was. Instead, they turned to trying to guess who.  The fact that it was on a napkin suggested one of the mostly female bar staff. A new waitress showed up, which made Hux and Phasma debate whether it was her or the other one until Hux finally got called up to the stage. Much to Ben's dismay, they picked up their game of speculation again while they were waiting for the bill.  
  
Frustrated, he pushed off to use the bathroom before they left. On his way he spotted Daisy leaning against a table in the very back of the bar talking to the curly haired man who kissed her and Finn. He did not miss the glare she threw his way, and decided to double her tip.  
  
Despite her contempt, the sound of her powerful voice echoed through his mind as he washed his hands. He could have watched her perform all night, but there was something else. It was best that they got out there and avoided any further drama, but now the urge to sing was making him antsy.  
  
There was a guitar in the garage back home, sitting untouched for about three years. His father's. Ben knew he’d be on pins and needles until he could get his hands on it.

  
\--  
  
Rey wiped down tables while Finn and Poe helped pack Rose's gear up. The tips weren’t bad, but it had been a miserable night, only made slightly better by Finn trash talking on everyone at the First Order.

  
Apparently the black haired man's name was Ben and Finn thought he was just as ruthless as Phasma and Hux, the ones he'd worked directly under. More stone cold and silent than the other two, but no less demanding and prone to fits of violent anger. They all wondered aloud what a trio like that was doing at the Raddus’ karaoke night, when Ben had walked by. She would likely get yelled at for making a customer feel unwelcome, but he deserved the death stare she gave him.  
  
After all, she’d probably never see him and his horrid friends again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist:  
> Kiss Me - Sixpence None the Richer  
> Uptown Funk - Bruno Mars  
> Somebody to Love - Queen  
> Who Do You Think You Are - Spice Girls  
> Time is Running Out- Muse


	2. Drops of Jupiter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben posts a video tribute to his mother on Youtube, forgetting that people actually see things that wind up on the internet. And when Rey finds it, she discovers that she hasn't quite gotten rid of that little crush after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thank you to the very sweet [aionimica](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aionimica/pseuds/aionimica) for beta reading this chapter.
> 
>  
> 
> [Click for chapter playlist on Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/20p7pcmkw3kb37ps98gusgykq/playlist/0MpOgQjrROlrlWUrXazsGT?si=8koeJK-iT1qVA4NTsbbEbw)
> 
>  
> 
> Please see the end notes for a song list, and don't forget to read the tags!

  
Half of the garage was stacked ridiculously high with boxes. His parents' things. Not their furniture or their clothes aside from a few sentimental pieces, but their real things. Books that had meant something to his mother. Old blues records his father collected. Whatever hadn't fit into the storage unit or just shouldn’t have been left unprotected, anyway. Thankfully, there was still room for Phasma's BMW. She wouldn't have been happy if she had been forced to park it outside. He hadn't really been ready to sort through it all yet, but his parents had lived in an up-and-coming neighborhood, so Phasma had pushed him to empty and sell the house he grew up in. He'd hired a company to pack everything up that he cared about and this was the result.  
  
His father's Gretsch White Falcon was easily found, too big for the boxes and too valuable to just be left sitting in storage. Ben cleared a space among all the mess for a chair and unlatched the black hard case that held it. It was a flashy guitar, accented with bright yellow gold, and made to impress in a time when futuristic design — with all the bells and whistles — was popular. He would have never bought one for himself, and it was even a little much for Han Solo, but Ben's father had won it from his Uncle Lando and then embraced it with his usual swagger. It felt a little like being with him again.  
  
Playing the guitar was one of the few things that they had shared. As he grew older, their relationship had strained as his father spent the majority of his time away. His mother and his Uncle Luke were both opera singers, and had tried to bring Ben into that world. He had rebelled, embarrassing them publicly in the process, and forged his own career path working in licensing music for film, TV, and advertising. He did well at it, but it was dull work with a lot more networking than he’d expected. And it had consumed his ability to enjoy music in his spare time. He quit singing entirely and rarely picked up an instrument. His mother had always said it was a shame.  
  
Now as he plucked at the strings of the White Falcon and worked on getting it back in tune, he wished he had spent more of that time with his parents, making music with them on his own terms. He tried to push the thought back into his brain, knowing that he couldn't have predicted their deaths. First his father in the car accident, then his mother of heart complications. His mother had wanted to reconnect after the accident, but Ben still hated himself too much for driving that night. He couldn't do much more than sit awkwardly with her at dinners and have short conversations on the phone. And then she was gone too. Just there one moment, and the next... gone.  
  
A tear splashed against his finger tips. He wiped it away and kept tuning.  
  
When he was done, he started practicing a song that reminded him of her.  


* * *

 

Another Friday had come along too fast for Rey’s liking, and the week showed no sign of slowing down and letting her relax.  


She delivered a round of drinks to a massive set of tables pushed together at the center of the pub and tried to avoid the flinging of hands in the air when one of the group stepped on stage for “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” Their screams made her ears ring. Bloody bachelorette parties.  


It was so bad that the song list was already nearly full at 9:00 PM, and the regulars were crowded around the few remaining tables at the edges. Rey didn’t think she’d ever understand why it was necessary to have such a large wedding (at least eight women and one man were wearing sashes naming them as part of the bridal party), but maybe it made the bride-to-be happy. As long as they tipped well they could have the biggest hen-do they wanted.  
  
The other half the drinks were waiting for her at the bar. Rey lifted them carefully and turned. Thankfully she didn’t quite bump into the three very tall patrons that had just approached the bar. When she looked up, Ben was taking a step back to give her space.  
  
“Pardon me,” Rey said as she sneered at them.  
  
Hux and Phasma glared back at her, but Ben just nodded politely. “Sorry.”  
  
She eyed him as she stepped past. “Keep yourselves away from Finn tonight, or you really will be.”

 

How many more ways could this night be more stressful?

 

* * *

 

“Fucking cunt,” Hux muttered as he turned to the bar and tried to catch someone’s attention.  
  
“Christ, just stop it,” Ben whispered. “We’re not here to antagonize her or Trooper.”  
  
He didn’t even have to look at his friend to know his eyes were rolling. “Right, we’re here because you _insisted on dragging us back._ Remind me why?”  
  
Phasma let out a heavy sigh. “Because Ben didn’t get to sing last time.”  
  
She leaned back against the bar and looked toward him. “You haven’t sung in public since before we met. What’s gotten into you?”  
  
Ben scanned the crowd. “I don’t know. I just want to.”  
  
Finn was sitting with the curly-haired man from before and some others, right in front of the KJ’s set up. There was no real way to avoid them completely, but Ben could just walk up, put in his song, and then walk away. The waitress would be harder to avoid, but he could just slip past while she was busy with a customer. No need to engage.

 

Seeing his chance, Ben set out on his little quest and immediate saw Daisy’s eyes flick up to him as she wrote down an order. No surprise that she was keeping an eye on him, but he just wanted sing and watch her sing. Ideally, they would have arrived earlier, but Hux had dug in his heels and Phasma had sided with their friend before they both realized Ben wouldn’t give up. They owed him for ruining his chance to do this last week, and since it had been their idea to bring him here in the first place...  
  
He finally made it up to the KJ’s table just as two people walked away. She picked up the song list and gave him a disapproving look. He remembered her glares from the previous week and tried his best to smile naturally. Finn must be a real regular to have so many friends on the staff.  


“Hey, I’d like to put in a song,” he said, taking out his wallet so he could stuff a few dollars in her tip jar.  
  
“Sorry, dude. No more room at the inn,” she said flatly. “Song list just closed for the night.”  
  
“What?” Just his fucking luck.  
  
“The bachelorette party front and center stole a lot of spots. Do you want to put your name on the waitlist?” She gestured with the clipboard.  
  
Ben took a step back. “No. No, thanks.”

****  
  
“Song list closed. This is your fucking fault,” Ben growled when he got back to the bar. Behind him, the KJ repeated the announcement, eliciting a few boos from the crowd.  
  
Phasma smiled and patted his arm, “There’s my surly husband. Where have you been?”  
  
“Let’s just go,” he snapped.  
  
“I _just_ put in our drink order,” Hux sighed, annoyed. “I’m not leaving until I’ve had my pint otherwise you’ve completely fucking wasted my time.”  
  
Ben ground his jaw, increasingly unhappy with the evening. He pulled out some cash and handed it to Hux. “I’ll meet you guys outside.”  
  
Outside was not much better. All the smokers hung around the edges of the door and stunk up the place. He was fighting the urge to punch something, but there was nothing to punch except people, shitty strip mall bushes, and walls. He found a bottle to kick, but it just shattered against the first thing it hit.  
  
“Fuck!” he said to no one in particular.

Getting angry was not what he wanted. It just happened sometimes. A lot, really. Too much. Years of therapy taught him to at least release his anger on something that wouldn’t make his knuckles bleed or land him in jail. There was a hefty punching bag in his little home gym and it was starting to call his name. He whipped out his phone.  


**Ben:**  
LET’S GO

 **Phasma:  
**Hux just got the bill. Patience. Busy in here.

 Patience was never his thing. Phasma knew that. He had to try though otherwise she’d be pissed at him for days. He just wanted to crawl out of his skin right now and scream. Fuck the bachelorette party and the drama Hux had to start because he couldn’t keep his damn mouth shut. He just wanted to drown in that girl’s voice for a few hours and shut out everything else.  
  
His phone vibrated in his hand.  
**  
****Phasma:**  
Coming out now

 “ _Ben_ ~” Phasma called out in an unusually singsong manner as she approached. “I drank your whiskey for you.”  
  
Ben sighed. At least they could leave now.  
  
“Next week they’re having some special karaoke thing. Live band, or something,” Phasma told him once the three of them got into her car. “They have a form online. You should sign up and try again next week.”

“I’m not going again, I want you to know that,” Hux said as he clicked his seatbelt shut.  
  
Phasma turned and pouted at her best friend. “Not even for me?”  


“ _Ugh._ ”

Not soon enough, Ben had dropped off Hux at his apartment and arrived at their house. Phasma wrapped her arms around his neck and tried her best to convince him join her in bed with hot little breaths and nips at his ear. It was tempting. It had been too long since they had been intimate, and Phasma wasn’t the type to go without for too long. But tonight wasn’t any good. He needed to release his anger out some way or another. It couldn’t be on Phasma in the heat of the moment.

“I can’t,” he whispered. “Not right now.”  
  
She pulled back, clearly upset. “Ben.”  
  
“I’m sorry,” he said, backing away. “I can’t.”  
  
He tried to ignore her loud groan of frustration as he headed down the hallway to his gym. The next morning his knuckles were bruised, but Ben was calm.The world actually felt a bit peaceful on his morning run.

Phasma wasn’t home when he returned, so he broke out the Falcon again.

 

* * *

 

It was one of those bright, warm Tuesdays. High of 75 degrees, the radio had said. The exact kind of Southern California day that people elsewhere dreamed of, which happened to be the exact kind of day that made Rey the happiest. She had propped open the door of the record store and let the ocean breeze waft in while the music she put on trickled out to passersby.  
  
Of the three jobs she worked, Rebel Base Records was the most relaxing one. Sure, having to chat with pretentious music nerds was a bore, but a good chunk of her shift was peaceful. Meanwhile, working on cars was engaging, but exhausting. Waitressing at the Raddus was probably the most fun out of all of them, aside from the sore feet and occasional creep. At the record store, she could sit and sip her tea while entering new inventory, pulling online orders, and creating the day's playlist. She had never had a retail job where you could sit before this one, and it was a blessing.  


Her tasks done for  the day, she was absentmindedly browsing music news sites, trying to keep ahead of industry gossip. (It was useful to be able to keep up with some of the more knowledgeable customers, so in a way it _was_ job-related.)  
  
“Leia Organa’s Son Posts Touching Tribute on Youtube Channel” read one of the headlines. She clicked on it immediately.  
  
It had been a while since Rey last thought of Leia Organa. The two had met when she and Finn had signed up to volunteer with her charity organization that brought music lessons to kids in underserved school districts and foster homes. Both of them being former foster kids, they had been eager participants and Leia had been so welcoming. It was because of her that Finn met Poe, and Rey got her jobs at the store and waitressing at the Raddus. Then that had led to meeting Rose at the Raddus, and the rest was history. It was crazy how much one woman had changed their lives in just a few months.  
  
The page loaded and there was Leia, dressed in a beautiful long gown that cut across her neckline and spilled down like soft waves along her elegant form. Her long hair was elaborately done with twists and braids pinned up in a magnificent crown above her head, just how she liked. There was no mistaking the mischievous sparkle in her eye and the slight, knowing smile. Rey wiped back a few tears, she scrolled further down. She had no idea that Leia had a son...  
  
“Ben Organa recently paid tribute to his mother, legendary soprano Leia Organa, just a little over a year after her death.  
  
The younger Organa, once a rising star himself with a wonderful baritone voice, posted a cover of Train’s ‘Drops of Jupiter’ in honor of his mother to his Youtube account earlier this week. Though he trained under his mother and uncle’s tutelage, Organa left the opera world shortly after his debut.”  
  
She scrolled past the article until she reached the embedded video. The screengrab was of a black-haired man bent over a white guitar. Rey pressed play just as she noticed the guy’s username “xxnights_of_renxx.”  
  
“So 90’s,” she muttered as the video loaded.  
  
And then there was Ben, leaning back in a chair, clutching an outrageous white Gretsch Falcon, and talking to the camera. Rey’s eyes widened with shock.  
  
"This is for my mom. She, uhh... She passed away a year ago and I miss her. This song reminds me of her a lot, so here goes nothing." He ran a hand nervously through his long dark hair and then began to strum.  
  
_Now that she's back in the atmosphere/With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey..._  
  
_Fuck._ His voice was achingly deep and clear, but full of life. Rey immediately turned the volume all the way up. It was definitely him. She recognized the two little moles above his left eyebrow, two of many spread across his face. He had such a beautiful, haunting voice…

  
_She acts like summer and walks like rain/Reminds me that there's time to change, hey, hey..._ __  
_Since the return of her stay on the moon/She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey/Hey, hey..._  
  
Finn had made Ben seem cold and temperamental, a man only interested in his own agenda, not other people. Considering how he had reacted to her awkward attempt at slipping him her number, Rey had been inclined to believe her friend. But the man in the video was pouring his soul out for the world to see, not caring if he laid everything bare in the process. She was transfixed.  
  
_Tell me, did you fall from a shooting star/One without a permanent scar/And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?_ __  
  
At the burst of power from the key change, Rey suddenly wished he had gotten up to sing at the pub. She wanted to know what he sounded like in person. And did her heart just twinge at the way his face moved when he belted that line?  
  
_Now that she's back in the atmosphere/I'm afraid that she might think of me as/Plain ol' Jane, told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land_  
  
His voice cracked at one line there and Rey began hoping he’d be back at the Raddus on Friday. Maybe he was the asshole Finn told her he was, but she wanted to find out for herself.  
  
_But tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet/Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day/And head back toward the Milky Way?_  
  
Suddenly there were tears in his eyes and Rey remembered why he was singing. He had lost Leia too. Not just Leia, but his mother. Her own eyes began to prickle in sympathy.  
__  
_And tell me did you sail across the sun/Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded/And that heaven is overrated?_  
  
_How could a man who misses his mother so much be an asshole?_ Rey thought to herself, the tears starting to come a bit more freely.  
  
_And are you lonely looking for yourself out there?_  
  
The video ended with a quick nod and a "thanks for watching." She watched it three more times along with every video she could find of him singing before her shift ended.  


* * *

Someone had been following his old Youtube channel. Of course they had. Opera fans were obsessive, and he was the son of the most beloved soprano of the last three decades and the nephew of Luke Skywalker, the equally famous tenor. Really, Ben should have known better. The views on his video had long surpassed 100k and he had to put his phone on Do Not Disturb mode just to get through work.

In truth, he didn't know why he had even recorded himself and posted it in the first place. Yes, he had wanted to sing, to perform, again, but he could have just settled for the karaoke bar. It was all he could think about during work lately. What would he sing?  
  
Phasma popped into his office. "Looks like I'm staying late tonight."  
  
He raised his eyebrows. "Again, huh?"

 Hux had gotten hold of a few impressive accounts and Phasma was doing her damnedest to seal the deal. It wasn’t uncommon for her to stay late, but the past few months she practically lived at the office. She nodded at him sadly.  
  
"Want me to get you some food before I go home?"  
  
Phasma paused for a moment. He used to order food whenever she (or both of them) had to stay late at the office, and they'd eat in relative silence while working. It wasn't much, but it was a way to spend time together when they were busy.  
  
"That's very sweet of you," She smiled, blonde hair curling around her cheeks. "But I think Hux already ordered some for our teams."  
  
"Ah okay," he said, a little disappointed. It had been awhile since he'd be able to do anything romantic for Phasma. Way too damn long. Not that she had ever been the type for romantic gestures of any kind, but it had been his little show of support for her. And he wasn't happy that Hux had inadvertently stolen it.  
  
She leaned over to kiss him on the cheek, which made Ben’s lip curl into a smile.  "Thanks, love. I'll see you later."  
  
When she left, he went back to thinking about the video and his failed attempt at stardom. He had left the opera world because of all the pressure and the lack of control he felt over his life. When he wasn’t performing or rehearsing there was always something or another he had to do. A photoshoot with his family, a boring interview with some ancient arts reporter, introductions to patrons and respected composers. So much asskissing and fakery. There had been no time for himself or any of the things he wanted. His mother, busy with her own career and pursuits, thought he could handle it. His uncle just pushed him harder and harder. And his father grew distant, leaving Ben lonely and without anyone he felt he could turn to.

 A new message popped up on his Youtube account from Opera Magazine. Something about wanting an interview. Ben cringed. He could imagine the leading questions, the endless discussion about his family — which would only be made worse now that his mother had passed away — there was truly nothing he wanted less. He closed Youtube and did his best to focus on his actual work. At least he had the option of hiding now.  


* * *

 

 **Rey:** HAVE YOU SEEN THIS? (link)

 **Rose:** ooooo wtf is that who i think it is

 **Rey:** YES

 **Rose:** wow his voice

 **Rose:** that bass tho

 **Rey:** He’s Leia’s son  
  
**Rose:** waaaaaaaat

 **Rey:** Look!! (link)

 **Rey:** Used to be an opera singer wtf  
  
**Rose:** finnikins is going to blow a gasket

 _Rose added Poe and Finnikins to the group_  
  
**Rose:** guys look who we found (link)  
  
**Poe:** Wow, so that’s why they came to the Raddus.

 **Finnikins:** crunch time @ work babes show me later

 **Rose:** sorry babe :<  
  
Once she got home, Rey dropped her bags off at the little granny cottage she occupied in the backyard and strolled over to the main house. After stealing a cup of hot water for tea from Rose’s Japanese water boiler (a small blessing from some benevolent god, she had decided), she made her way over to the home office.  
  
“Knock knock,” she said leaning against the doorframe. 

“Hey hun, how was your day?” Rose replied, not really looking up from her work.  Rey pulled up an extra chair and scooted towards Rose’s desk.  
  
“You mean aside from scruffy music nerds and discovering that Ben Solo is a bloody opera singer? Fine, I guess.”  
  
Rose tilted back her head and laughed. “That was a doozy. Tell me what you think about this?”  
  
Rose was working on wedding invitations for someone. She didn’t recognize the couple’s names, but they had gone for an 8-bit pixel retro gaming theme with little icons of the bride and groom with little hearts everywhere.  
  
“That’s adorable,” Rey smiled and scanned the text. “Looks easy to read too.”  
  
“You should see what I did with the RSVP cards!”  
  
Once Rose had walked her through the whole set, even the envelopes, Rey leaned back in her chair and sighed. “I kind of have a crush on Ben Solo and I don’t know what to do about it.”  
  
Rose hummed, teasingly. “I knew there was a reason you came to visit other than to drink my tea. So, why are you crushing on one of Finn’s sworn enemies?”  
  
“I mean he’s hot…” Rey started.  
  
“Kind of an understatement.” her friend quipped.  
  
“And a great singer, but...a bit of a jerk?”  
  
Rose tilted her head and tapped her stylus thoughtfully on her cheek. “Yeah, I’m wondering about that. Finn said he didn’t work with him much, and it was his friends that started that whole thing at Karaoke Night, right?”  
  
“Hmmm.” Rey chewed at her lip. No one knew about the napkin except for Kaydel and Jessika. It seemed especially touchy to mention it after Finn’s altercation with that group. But Rose, always the most perceptive of their group, noticed her hesitation.  
  
“Is there something else?”  
  
Rey groaned and buried her face in her hands. “I tried to give him my number.”  
  
“Sorry, can’t hear you?”  
  
“I tried to give him my fucking number on a napkin,” she groaned a little bit louder. “Then that thing happened with Finn… And after that I saw him and his friends laughing as he tore the napkin up.”  
  
The room went silent and Rey removed her hands from her face. Rose looked like she was about to find and murder Ben Solo personally. “He WHAT?”

 

* * *

 

Ben found himself going down to the garage in the mornings just to do voice exercises before his morning run. He’d done well enough for the video, but his inner perfectionist wasn’t happy. The old digital recording mic he dug up masked some of the imperfections and editing programs did the rest. So he’d have to get back into practice if he really wanted to feel satisfied when he faced a live audience.

 Phasma was drowning in work, so he took to practicing on the Gretsch Falcon at night. Eventually, she’d show up looking a bit frazzled, work out, shower, and head to bed without saying more than a few words to him. Of course, that had long been the nature of their jobs at First Order. But now it just felt a lot lonelier when she wasn’t home after his evening run and spent most of the weekend in the office. 

At least there was the distraction of karaoke night at the Raddus again. Ben had signed up for a slot with the live band, and Phasma had promised him that she would be there to cheer him on. Hux told him he was going just to see him humiliate himself in front of a crowd. A smile crossed Ben’s lips. He knew he was a far better singer than Hux and he’d be damned if he was humiliated at a karaoke bar.  
  
But for now it was Wednesday and the week showed no signs of hurrying its ass up.  
  
“SOLO.” Snoke’s voice boomed over the intercom, startling Ben out of whatever reverie he had been in. “Please come to my office immediately. Bring Phasma as well.”  
  
He blinked for a moment, then pushed the button to reply back. “Right away, sir.”  
  
Why couldn’t Snoke just call or e-mail like everyone else? Half the office swore that he liked scaring the crap out of everyone when he wanted something.  
  
It took a few minutes to get Phasma off a phone call with a client, which made Ben even more nervous as they reached his office. Snoke didn’t like to be kept waiting when he wanted to reprimand his employees. And no doubt about it, this was going to be a scolding. Ben just didn’t know for what.  
  
“What the fuck did you do?” his wife whispered as they walked down the dark wooded corridor with recessed white lighting that lead to Snoke’s overly large office. It was meant to scare anyone invited in. But being a VP meant that Ben was already used to it.  
  
“No idea. Everything’s been running smoothly on my end,” he huffed. “Even got that U2 song for the commercial you’ve been working on.”  
  
“Oh, that’s great, sweetheart. Thanks.” 

Snoke smiled as they entered, his hands steepled on the top of his black glass desk. “Ah, there you are. Please sit.”  
  
The old man was wearing his favorite suit. A subtle gold flecked, woven pattern that was probably too flashy for most, but Snoke liked to give the impression that other people were far beneath him.

  
“How are you doing, sir?” Phasma asked as they took a seat in the black leather chairs.  
  
“Oh, I’m fine. You’ll never guess who just called me, Ben.”

 Ben gulped nervously. The one thing he’d never gotten used to was the way Snoke looked at him. Like he always knew Ben’s deepest secrets and was about to tear him down all the way to the bone. A few times, he had gotten close while on a rampage, then admonished Ben for being too kind. _No one has ever succeeded in this business by being genuinely nice,_ he often hissed. Not just to Ben, but to all of them.

 “I’m afraid I can’t guess, sir,” Ben replied. “It wasn’t U2’s licensing department, was it? We were all clear to use the song as of this morning.”  
  
“No, no, this has nothing to do with your work,” Snoke waved a wrinkled hand. “I was contacted by a few people about your little video.”

 Ben felt his heart sink. The very last thing he wanted was for Snoke to know about the video. Phasma looked over at him surprised, and he realized he’d forgotten to mention it to her too. Really, no one was meant to see it. Posting it on Youtube was beyond stupid in hindsight.  
  
“Apparently they were quite enamoured with... What was it called? A ‘cover?’”

 “Sir, I assure you it’s totally legal. It won’t reflect badly on First Order,” he said quickly.  
  
“You don’t need to tell me about the legalities. I’m well aware. Opera Magazine called to arrange an interview with you, and I’ve accepted on your behalf.”  
  
“With all due respect, sir, I’d rather not talk to them,” Ben groaned, sliding a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “All that stuff about my past, that isn’t who I am now...”  
  
“You’ll do the interview, Solo. I hired you for your connections in the music world, not because you’re some licensing genius First Order Marketing can’t do without.”  
  
“Sir, I-”  
  
“Don’t disappoint me, Solo,” Snoke growled. “You’ve already come dangerously close with this.”  


Right then Phasma found her voice. “I’m sorry, sir. I’ve been so busy with this client that I had no idea this had _happened_ .”  
  
Their boss turned his eerie smile onto her, a false sense of calm filling the room as he spoke. “It’s not your fault, dear.”

 His attention didn’t stay on Phasma for long. “And you, my boy...You will do that interview, and you will make sure to mention First Order. I trust you’ll know what to say.”

 Ben nodded, trying to keep a wave of nausea from overtaking him. That video should have never seen the light of day. Not if it would bring back everything he had sought to distance himself from. Not if it meant losing control over his life again. He’d just wanted to remember his mother with something other than a yahrzeit candle and some prayers.

“Good. Good. One more thing before you go.”  
  
His eyes raised to meet Ben’s, and Ben found them full of cruelty.

 “Start thinking of what you’ll sing for your next video.”

_Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist:
> 
> Mama Liked the Roses -Elvis Presley
> 
> Total Eclipse of the Heart - Bonnie Tyler
> 
> (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction - The Rolling Stones
> 
> Drops of Jupiter - Train
> 
> Vultures - John Mayer
> 
> Fame - David Bowie
> 
> Snoke - John Williams
> 
>  
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed reading! Song suggestions are always welcome. If you have any lovely songs or artists that feel like Reylo to you, or just songs/artists that work for some of the themes of this fic, I'd love to know what you recommend!
> 
> You can find me on tumblr as misscoppelia


	3. Givin Em What They Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Live Band Night at the Raddus, and everyone's excited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [Zabeta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zabeta/pseuds/Zabeta) for beta-reading this chapter! I highly recommend her fics "Wintertide" and "A Thief in the Night."
> 
>  
> 
> [Click for Chapter Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/20p7pcmkw3kb37ps98gusgykq/playlist/2lzOW471NzM8D5s1QfvZIq?si=-HhNIY-GRVWIPCuX3Oi90Q)
> 
>  
> 
> For those of you listening along, one of my song choices for this chapter isn't on spotify. So please pause the playlist after Blur's "Song 2" and [click here for the next song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56mGbtZT5cU) Once it's done, you can resume to spotify playlist.
> 
> Enjoy!

Phasma was furious with him because of course she was. Everything about her work the past two years had been about repairing her standing with Snoke and the First Order’s clients.The CEO’s reprimand may have been aimed at him, but the message to her was clear: “You’re also responsible for any of your husband’s fuck ups.”  
  
Ben followed her as she stormed back to her office, where she shut the door and demanded to see the video. He quickly typed out the url and relinquished the desk chair to her. She watched silently, fingers absentmindedly worrying at her chin while she concentrated on the screen. It struck Ben that he had never sung specifically for her. They had met after he had run from his fledgling career, and therefore he never had much reason to sing. She’d seen a few of his old performances, caught him in the shower, things like that, but she never asked to hear him just for her own curiosity.  
  
“That was pretty good, Solo,” she muttered after it had finished. “Why were you keeping this from me?”  
  
Ben shrugged. “I wasn’t. You weren’t home.”

A heavy sigh escaped from her lips as she massaged her temple. “I’ve been working late, you know that.”

“Yeah, and we just haven’t talked much lately because of it.” Ben ground his jaw in frustration. “Look, it’s not like I’m 10 years old and I’m acting out at school and you’re my mom, Phaz. I just did it. I didn’t think it was going to be such a huge fucking problem for everyone when I did.”

“Whatever, Ben,” Phasma snapped. “Just let me get back to work.”

 

* * *

 

Live band night was always full of wild, frenetic energy. Poe was up on the stage checking the sound as Rey and the other waitresses served up drinks and food to the already buzzing room.  
  
Most places that did live band karaoke only had a short song list that you could pick from, but the Raddus also opened a limited number of open sign ups where you could choose just about anything you wanted for a ten dollar donation. The staff always got a slot, and the band (made up of Rose, Finn, Poe, and Jessika Pava) always prepared an opening number. Rey usually signed up and paid the tenner, just for the thrill of it. The songs did have to be approved by the band so they could learn them in time, but damn if it didn’t make for some extra special performances.  
  
Rose had gotten over her murderous hatred of the First Order trio long enough to let Rey know that Ben Organa had put his name down and been approved. The knowledge set her on edge in a funny way. On the one hand, that meant he would be there… and that probably meant the other two would be too. No one trusted Hux and Phasma enough not to start fresh drama. But she _would_ get to hear Ben sing in person.  
  
The thought of his voice sent a thrill down her spine until she remembered that meant he’d hear the song she’d signed up for. Rey knew she was a good singer, but he was on another level entirely. Her stomach did a few backflips.  
  
“Would all the singers who have put in custom song requests please come up to the stage?”

Rey had just picked up food orders from the kitchen, so she hurriedly delivered them before walking up. She didn’t really need to be there at all, but it gave her a chance to talk to her friends for a moment and get an update on when her turn would happen.  
  
Ben was already there, talking to Rose and Poe. Finn was pointedly ignoring his presence by fiddling with the effects pedals and Jess was practicing a run on the drums behind him. Rey stepped up to wait her turn, keeping a respectful distance from him, and noticed him look over at her.  
  
“Hey, you singing tonight?”  
  
It took a moment before she realized the question was addressed to her. She looked up to see him staring at her with a funny look, his thick lips pressed together like he wanted to tell her something. “Yeah…I heard you are too.”  
  
“Yeah.” A smile flitted across his face and Rey could tell it was one of those polite smiles, meant to make people think you’re doing okay when you kind of were not okay at all. Maybe he was doing another song for Leia?  
  
She gave him a tight smile in return. “Just make sure those two goons behave themselves.”  
  
He grimaced and reddened a little. “Your friends and I already had that talk. I’ll do my best.”  
  
Rey watched him walk off to a table that thankfully wasn’t in her section and turned back to the stage. “What do you think that was about?”  
  
Rose grinned devilishly. “Bet he wants to hear you sing.”  
  
Now that really made her panic.

 

* * *

 

“HEY RADDUS, WHO’S READY?” called the KJ in her smooth, booming voice.  
  
This time, Ben, Phasma, and Hux were relatively prepared for the crowd’s enthusiasm, but it still reached several decibels higher than expected. Phasma winced and went back to ignoring Ben. But she was here, so he’d take that as a small win in his favor.  
  
Hux groaned in mock agony. “Should have said no tonight.”

Suddenly the lights cut out and the bar hushed. Someone started a simple guitar riff, low and funky, it vibrated across the room. Someone in the crowd howled with excitement just before two voices started a soft rhythmic sound punctuated by an emphatic grunt.

_I am sharper than a razor/Eyes made of lasers/Bolder than the truth/They want me locked up in the system/Cause I'm on a mission/Blame it on my youth_

The house lights focused on the KJ’s small, but commanding figure and Ben had to admit he was impressed. Her voice had grit and soul, yet each phrase was staccato and precise. She was dressed like a Prince devotee, in a ruffled shirt and mauve jumper, her hair fluffed to created some 80’s-style volume. Then the lights came up on the rest of the band, and confirmed that Finn and the other man (who had introduced himself as Poe Dameron) were the backup singers.  
  
They leaned into a mic to wail the chorus together, then the KJ and Finn pulled back, allowing Poe to take center stage.  
  
_I am sharper than a switchblade/First and last of what God made and that's the truth/But man, keep on trying to hold me back/While another chicken head come home to roost/Too strong, try to do me wrong/And the last one standing will order and command you to dance/Oh, dance_

If this verse was any indication, Poe Dameron was a natural-born showboater. He couldn’t dance much thanks to the guitar in his hands, but his charismatic smile and expressive eyes made sure to display his sex appeal. A deep v-neck shirt under his leather jacket cut a path down his chest that showed off considerable muscle tone. The man drove the message home by bucking his hips a few times to the cheers of the crowd.  
  
_Run tell your preacher and your teacher,_ the KJ responded before their voices joined up again. _I come to give you what you love/It’s time to give you what you love/I’ma give you what you love/Giving you what you love_  
  
After a few more lines, Finn started a guitar solo as the KJ did a vocal run.  Ben was impressed. Singing with a band was far more challenging than just singing along to a pre-recorded track. Not just anyone could do it without practice and training, so a few flops would be the likely outcome of the evening, Ben thought. But if the opening number was any indication, he was going to be treated to a night of competent performers. His worries started melting away as the music softened into an outro.

 

_One looked at me and I looked back/She said, "Can you tell me where the party's at?"/She followed me back to the lobby/Yeah, she was looking at me for some undercover love..._  
  
Here he could just sing with little consequence and get the rush from an excited crowd he had been seeking. Here he had some control again. Control over his voice, control over his performance - control he desperately needed after Snoke handed down his punishment. And he sorely needed a break from feeling lost again.  
  
And better yet, he would see what Daisy could do with a live band behind her.  

 

* * *

  
  
Rey kept pausing in between tasks, waiting to see if the band was ready to announce the next song. If she could help it, she wouldn’t let herself be distracted during Ben’s performance, even if it meant a plate of nachos got soggy (she liked them better that way) or the ice melted in someone’s Screwdriver (Americans and their obsession with ice...).

The band had taken a thirty minute break after six songs, half of them from the online sign up sheet, which meant that Ben’s turn was coming up soonish. Rey flinched every time someone so much as walked past the stage to head to the restrooms.

“Can I get a shot for myself?” she asked Kaydel when she got back to the bar with an order.

The woman’s eyebrows raised. “Sure thing. Whatcha want?”  
  
Rey sighed. “Something strong please.”

A small glass appeared in Kaydel’s hands instantaneously. Rey noticed her reaching for a bottle on the top shelf. “What’s wrong, Daze?”  
  
“Nothing,” Rey replied. “Just nerves.”

Normally it would have been hard to hear Kaydel’s quiet whistle over the music, but the break meant it was relatively quiet aside from the crowd’s chattering. The shot slid over the bar to her. “You don’t _get_ nerves.”

“Tonight I do,” she said, knocking back the drink. Thank goodness the staff at Raddus were allowed a teensy bit of liquid courage if they wanted it.

The band was chugging water at the other end of the bar, so Rey wandered over.  
  
“Hey Daze,” Finn managed between gulps.  
  
“Hey,” she answered as Poe held his arms out to her wordlessly and she leaned into his form. He was a bit smelly in his brown leather jacket, but Rey didn’t mind. “That opening number was fantastic.”  
  
“Thank god, we’ve been practicing it for weeeeeekkkssss,” Rose said, letting her sentence drag into a groan.  
  
Jess laughed and took a sip. “Well, you guys were nervous. I barely had anything to do.”  
  
Poe chuckled and she felt it vibrate through her body. It helped. Poe needed to recharge his energies (though they usually were bottomless, sometimes he needed a moment of solitude after something strenuous), and Rey always felt more relaxed in a friend’s arms. The whiskey was beginning to kick in too. They stood in silence for a few moments while the rest of the band chattered on.  
  
“Mmm, babe, why won’t you let me do this more often? Like maybe in private with all our clothes off.”  
  
Rey stepped out of his arms without hesitation, laughing. “Okay, Dameron. If you can make dumb jokes like that, you’re ready to go back up on stage.”  
  
Finn sighed and used his arms to push himself away from the bar. “Yeah, it’s time.”  
  
Poe just gave her a dopey grin and leaned his face closer to hers. “Kiss for good luck?” But Rey’s hand intercepted his mouth.  
  
“Flirt! Go try your boyfriend!” She snorted.

 

* * *

 

People watching was part of the fun at the bar, at least it was for Hux and Phasma. Already on their second round of drinks, the pair were making comments on everyone indiscriminately. Meanwhile, Ben was trying very hard not to stare too obviously at Daisy.  
  
He had no honest idea when her turn was, but he hoped it would be before his. Most likely Hux and Phasma would want to leave after he’d gone up. He’d have a hard time making excuses to stay.

  
Daisy seemed distracted tonight. She kept pausing at the bar or by the kitchen window, lingering. Ben caught her knocking back a shot and he almost commented aloud about how that wasn’t good for her voice. Then she’d wandered over to her friends and straight into Dameron’s arms.  
  
The two just stood together with Poe’s hands wrapped around Daisy’s waist and her hands hanging lazily at his hips, both their eyes closed, for an embarrassingly long time. Ben looked away, feeling like he had just intruded on a very private moment. So they _were_ dating…  
  
That shouldn’t bother him. He was married. He had no place being bothered by it. He and Phasma were just fighting. They would make up later when things had calmed down and everything would be fine.  
  
Before he knew it, the band had returned to the stage and called him up, snapping his focus away from whatever his mind was doing. But then there were new thoughts. Thoughts that made his skin itch and jump as he realized he was singing in public for the first time in seven years.  
  
It wasn’t that he quit because he was too nervous to perform. God no. He was great at it. He excelled at it. He loved learning new techniques, new methods, new arias. He loved the thrill of getting it right, the euphoric rush of perfect sound, and moving the audience profoundly.  If only someone had let him be his own person offstage…

And now he found himself facing a similar situation, just when he thought he was free and clear. Was getting up there and singing really such a good idea?  
  
He caught Daisy’s eyes across the room. She was watching him again, and not with a hardened stare of mistrust. There was a light in her eyes that could only be excitement. She wanted to hear him sing.  
  
If that was the case, he could do this.  
  
Poe smiled at him as Ben reached the stage, but it was Finn who spoke. “Yo, do you want us to do an intro or count you off?”  
  
“Count me off.” He paused. “Thanks.”  
  
Finn raised an eyebrow and turned to face his bandmates. “Ready?”  
  
The drummer lifted her sticks in the air. “One! Two! Three! Four!”

_I don't feel the way I've ever felt...I know...I'm gonna smile and not get worried....I try but it shows!_

  
It started off low and dark, almost a growl. Rey’s breath caught in her throat as the man before her grasped the mic with urgency and calmly spat out the lyrics like they left a bad taste in his mouth.

_Anyone can make what I have built...And better now! Anyone can find the same white pills…_

_It takes my pain away!_

Poe and Finn were having trouble matching Ben’s voice, but his stage presence was a sight to behold. It was like he had perfectly bottled his rage and you could see it simmering in his eyes, a dark, mysterious liquid behind glass.

_It's a lie/A kiss with opened eyes/And she's not breathing back/Anything but bother me!_  
_  
_ It takes my pain away!

Rey wanted to run up on stage and hold him until all that emotion left him. Then she wanted to go and scream at whomever had caused him all this pain. It scared her a little to feel so protective of someone she had barely spoken to, but at the same time it felt like she’d known him for ages.

_Nevermind these are horrid times/Oh oh oh/I can't let it bother me_ _  
_

Ben could see he had the audience hanging on his every note. It felt so good. He had forgotten this feeling. Hux was staring like an absolute twat, not having known the extent of Ben’s ability. And Phasma… Phasma seemed surprised. Had she ever seen him perform?

_I never thought I'd walk away from you...I did!/But it's a false sense of accomplishment...Every time I quit!/Anyone can see my every flaw...It isn't hard!/Anyone can say they're above this all…_

_It takes my pain away!_  
_  
_ Daisy’s reaction thrilled him the most. She stared wide-eyed from a corner of the room and he could almost feel the excitement emanating from her. God, it felt so good to give someone else that rush. To give her that rush.

_I can't let it bother me…_  
_  
_ It takes my pain away!

Ben finished the last lines of the chorus and his part was over. It had gone by so fast, but it helped. He could feel the line of sweat developing on his brow, the feeling of calm satisfaction that he had sung his best and succeeded. Finn and Poe closed out the song and the cheering began.  
  
He turned to the others. “You guys are really good. Thanks again.”

Finn stared, an unsure look on his face, until Poe stepped in. “Thanks, man. Your voice is killer. Have a good one.”  
  
Ben stepped down off the stage and many people reached out to high five him on the way back to his table. It felt a bit silly after the fourth or fifth one, but it also seemed rude to refuse. He had almost made it back to his table when Daisy appeared next to him.  
  
“That was good, Organa,” was all she said before she slipped away to clear some plates. It was a good thing he was already smiling, otherwise his reaction to her words would have been plain to see.  
  
“Fuck, Ben,” Hux said when Ben returned to their table. “Phasma tells me you did opera?”  
  
Ben just nodded in response. Phasma grinned at him, beaming with wicked pride. A thought latched onto his brain as he sat down. Where had the waitress learned his last name?  
  
“Well, I hope you’re satisfied now. Let’s get the check and go,” Hux grumbled. Clearly he was beginning to feel inadequate compared to Ben. That tended to make Hux irritable whenever it happened at work.  
  
“I’m staying. There’s a person I want to see sing.” It came out so quickly, Ben almost wanted to kick himself.  
  
Phasma and Hux both raised the same eyebrow at him. “Who?”  
  
“That waitress we had the first time,” Ben replied.  
  
Phasma snickered. “The one that tried to hit on you?”  
  
He rolled his eyes. “I don’t know who left the napkin. Could have been you two pulling a prank on me.”  
  
“The one with the shit song?” Hux’s lips curled into a sneer at the thought of Daisy, which made Ben want to punch him more.  
  
“Even with a shit song, her voice is better than yours,” he replied.  
  
A minute later, Hux was outside, waiting for an Uber.

 

* * *

  
  
Rey paid for her four minutes of slacking off with a few disgruntled customers, but the regulars like Gial Ackbar and Lee Char Prince were understanding when she said she’d been watching Ben’s performance. Ackbar perked up at the mention of him being Leia’s son, and Rey remembered he and Leia had been friends.  
  
“Ben Organa? Goodness, I had forgotten about him,” Ackbar murmured. “He’s all grown.”

Rey smiled and went back to get their drinks. On the way there, she noticed Ben’s table had lost the nasty ginger. It didn’t seem like he was on good terms with the blonde woman either. Her attention was very much not on him, and Ben was checking his phone instead of trying engage with her.  
  
_Interesting..._  
  
His eyes snapped up to hers and Rey nearly blushed as she passed by. He smiled quickly and went back to his phone.  
  
She was about to ask Kaydel for another shot, but didn’t want to annoy her dissatisfied tables any further. Another round of drinks delivered. Another new order taken. The night went on and Ben’s eyes seemed to find her each time she ventured anywhere near him. Each time she swore under her breath and started rethinking that second shot.  
  
Finally, after what felt like ages but had only been about five more songs with another break in the middle, Rose called Rey up to the stage. She apologized to her table, handed the order pad to Tallie, and headed up to the stage. A flood of relief hit her as she got under the lights. She could do this. She knew how to do this. She had been able to eat regularly thanks to her ability to sing. She was going to knock Ben Organa’s bloody socks off.

After a nod to Finn, the intro started up. Rey smiled as she found the beat she needed to hear.

She saw Ben’s eyes on her almost immediately, and then a moment later, the glare of his companion. There was something nasty in the way she scowled up at Rey that made her wonder if the two were dating. Instinctively, she turned her focus away from the audience and towards the two men beside her.

_Where do you walk on a Saturday?/I see you hurrying to get somewhere!/Stop and smell the roses/Stop, get closer feel it in the air_  
  
Her hand reached out to Poe. Delighted, he moved to her side and started playfully twisting his guitar towards her to the beat of the song.  
  
Yeah you...Can I hold out my hand?/Make you listen to me, help you understand/Why you make me high.../Can I tell you all the reasons why?

_Won't you slow down I/just need a moment/of your time!_ Called out Rose and Jessika, who were playing the role of backup singers this time. They had all rehearsed in the garage together a few times.

Rey turned her body to face Poe too, sidling up to him and running a hand down his shoulder.

_I could be the one or I could be just crazy…/I know you've been hurt before/I can tell it in the way you're wanting more…!/I know the game you're playing/I wanna break the rules, stop your questioning!/ Call me!_

Ben nearly sighed with relief when Daisy began to sing. Her voice felt like velvet across his ears.  
  
_Nothing's gonna bring us down/Nothing's gonna bring us down,_ chanted the backup singers.

He was expecting her to perform to the audience like before, but then suddenly she beckoned Poe over and began to sing to him. The man couldn’t resist and played right back to her, starting a flirty game of call and response between them. Ben found that he hated it.  
_  
_ It's electric, baby!/Come and take a chance on all the dreams you're dreaming!

Phasma shifted in her seat and tilted her head towards him. “She’s not bad. I can see why you wanted to stay for this.”  
  
Right. He was married. He shouldn’t have opinions on who a pretty waitress was dating. He was just subconsciously trying to get back at Phasma by thinking about another woman. One who was apparently already taken. It was a juvenile move and he burned with shame, even though Phasma hadn’t even known he’d done it.

“Yeah,” he tried to say casually, even though his throat felt like it was closing in on itself. “Someone like her could get a record deal.”  
  
Phasma just raised her eyebrows and went back to watching the stage.  
  
_Nobody understands.../I got love but I ain't got plans.../You make me high!/Can I tell you all the reasons why?/The night is nigh! And it's coming fast!/Feel like little kids at school skipping class/_

_Come break the law with me!/Listen to me, I'm the one you're really waiting for…!_

God, her voice at that last line. Why _hadn’t_ someone signed her? It was beginning to become a real mystery to him.  
  
_I got what you want!/Baby don't move, when they move along!/Get tight, get it tough/everyone's fighting for the one they want!_

Rey finished the song, singing nonsense syllables while dancing back and forth with Poe. Normally she’d share a nice hug with him after singing. The rest of the band would usually join in too.

But tonight was different. Ben was there, watching. So she bolted from the stage after her song was over and got back to waiting tables.

 

* * *

 

His craving satisfied, Ben didn’t push his luck by staying long after Daisy’s song. He and Phasma piled into an Uber and drove home in silence. So it surprised him when Phasma ran her hands over his back as he undressed in their bedroom.  
  
“How about tonight, sweetie?” Her bright blue eyes looked up at him enticingly, a sly little grin peeking out from under.  
  
“Does this mean you’re not mad at me anymore?”  
  
She ran a finger along his forearm, looking down at the traces of his muscles. “It means...I want your cock.”

Ben smiled. That was probably as close to admitting she’d forgiven him as he was going to get.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist:  
> Song 2 - Blur  
> Givin Em What They Love - Janelle Monae (ft. Prince)  
> Crazy Little Thing Called Love - Queen  
> Pain - Jimmy Eat World  
> Centuries - Fall Out Boy  
> Call Me - Kimbra
> 
> A lot of you have been predicting stuff, so I'm *very* interested to see what you pick up on this time. Parts of this chapter make me a little nervous because I don't know how well received some of my characterizations will be. So, before you comment, just know that I love all the characters (except Snoke) and any bad behavior is just a result of the story I'm trying to tell.
> 
> Now some bad-ish news: I don't know when I'll update next exactly. I've got a certain number of chapters written, and I've been burning through them because I wanted to put this story out there. So I'm challenging myself to finish another chapter before I update again. And, unfortunately, I'm traveling tomorrow to another state to take care of my dad. He's been very ill for the past month and needs a lot of help. On the one hand, that gives me a lot of free-ish time. On the other hand, hospitals are a weird place to write. And before you worry too much, my dad should recover okay with some time and the right care. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	4. Please Don't Ask Me How I've Been

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben desperately needs inspiration for his next video and he doesn't know where else to turn but to Daisy (Rey?). If only she didn't hate him even more now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [Zabeta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zabeta/pseuds/Zabeta) for beta-reading this chapter! Your feedback has really helped!
> 
>  
> 
> [Chapter Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/20p7pcmkw3kb37ps98gusgykq/playlist/0EgAuiPOpJI9hDBBNhzvdc?si=_9ANkuwnScCPDLyWZjo1ng)

 

Something about being with Phasma was that the makeup sex felt like a reset button. They would go at it until they were both so exhausted that there couldn’t be any anger left between them. They would collapse, sighing with satisfaction, and that would be it. Ben definitely preferred it to fighting all the time. As much as he loved his parents, he didn’t want his marriage to be so rocky and unstable.

 

After Friday night, he felt clear-headed and a bit better about himself. About life in general. The daunting prospect of the interview didn’t loom quite as large when he realized he could just deflect any questions he didn’t care to answer. That just left the video Snoke wanted.   
  
It was proving to be a problem. He had done the first in a fit of inspiration, tugging at old feelings and his still all-too-fresh grief. The song made sense, written about another mother lost to illness. He’d heard it on the radio a few weeks before that first karaoke night, and found himself struck by lyrics he didn’t fully comprehend back when the song had been popular. Ben had tucked it away in the back of his mind until that moment at the Raddus when his desire to sing reawakened.

 

He tried thinking of something similar to remember his father. Han Solo hadn’t been famous, but he was an accomplished career pilot. First in the military, and then for a shipping company. That kept him away from home and led to fights with his mother when he  _ was _ there. The older Ben became, the less he saw of his father. He and Han had been trying to change that the night of the accident.   
  


Johnny Cash, the Four Seasons, and Jimi Hendrix were the kind of thing Han liked. He always grumbled about it being called oldies when the stuff Leia and Luke sang tended to be at least a hundred years older. Ben had started there, but nothing clicked.    
  
He tried strumming out “Folsom Prison Blues” and decided it really _ needed  _ an audience. Not that he couldn’t rearrange the song to sound poppier on camera, but it just didn’t interest him to sing it with no one watching. If he was going to do this, then he needed inspiration, a challenge,  _ something  _ to spur him on. He spent the whole weekend chasing after it and finding nothing.

 

-

 

Wednesday came along, which meant Rey was at Rebel Base Records again, preparing for new release day on Friday.  A piece of hair wafted over her nose, making her sneeze. She’d left the door open as per usual and the evening chill of late Southern California summers had just begun. Time to close it.    
  
She had just settled into the stool behind the counter when the bells on the door jangled as someone came in.

 

“Welcome to Rebel Base Records, let me know if you need anything!” She called out, not even bothering to look at the customer. 

 

The man shuffled around the vinyl section for a bit. There wasn’t much there for hardcore fans, too many stores that bought and sold nowadays, so Rey wasn’t surprised when she lifted her head and saw him at the used CDs, a much better place for anyone looking for something unusual. He wore an awful lot of black for late summer in Southern California, and was ridiculously tall, to the point where she worried he’d hit his head on some of album covers that hung from the ceiling. But it was bad form to spy on the customers, so Rey turned back to the computer until the man wandered up to the counter.

  
“Hi,” he said.   
  
“Ready to go?” Rey asked as she turned toward him, looking first to his selection before lifting her head to meet his face.   
  
It was Ben Organa. Fucking Ben Organa in her fucking store. She didn’t realize her mouth was hanging open until he spoke again.   
  
“Hey. Daisy, right? From the Raddus?” He was smiling slightly, just a corner of his mouth pulled back, but it lit up his face and warmed his eyes. Fuck, he was handsome. What was he doing here?

  
“Are...Are you stalking me?” Rey frowned. The frown was directed more at herself than him. It was a stupid thing to say, but she couldn’t ignore the coincidence.   
  


He raised an eyebrow. “Uh, no… My mother used to take me here because her friend owns this place. Owned? I’m not sure anymore. It’s been ages...”    
  
He was rambling. Clearly she had made him nervous. Normally she wouldn’t take advantage of that, but something about Ben put her on edge. Her eyes narrowed.    
  
He gulped. “Really, I swear.”   
  
Rey reached out and dragged his CDs closer to her. “If you say so.”   
  


He shuffled nervously as she scanned in his purchases. Janelle Monae’s latest - Rey was impressed by that one - some metal band she’d never heard of before, and a Captain and Tennille Complete Hits album. An odd collection.

  
His voice interrupted her passing judgment. “Your cover of ‘Somebody to Love’ at karaoke night a few weeks ago was amazing. I was really impressed. And the song you did last week...”    
  
Rey didn’t look up. “Thanks.You’re not so bad yourself, Organa.”   
  
For a moment there was silence, then, “How did you get my last name?”   
  
_ Bollocks. _ _  
_   
She turned and smiled pointedly at him. “From Finn.”   
  
He raised a critical eyebrow at her. “Really? Because I’ve only gone by Ben Solo at work.”   
  
Rey’s eyes snapped wide and she could feel her face turn red. “Er…”   
  
“Organa was the name I used when I sang professionally. Are you a fan then? Or maybe you’ve seen one of the articles?” He was clearly amused by the situation, judging by his smirk. She tucked her head down in embarrassment. “What did you think of it?”

 

-   
  
Ben had stopped by Rebel Base Records hoping for some inspiration, not expecting to find Daisy. It was a pleasant surprise, or at least it had been for him. Daisy was clearly still wary.    
  
Then she’d used his mother’s name again and it sent a thrill of delight down to his stomach to realize she must have seen his video. If there was anyone he didn’t mind watching the damn thing, it was her.   
  
“You’re a good singer,” she said flatly. He could see her eagerness to end the conversation in the razor thin, polite smile she coupled with a pointed click of the barcode scanner.

  
Not able to help himself, Ben snorted. Her eyes widened and turned into a frown. “Look…” He had to hold back another laugh. “I actually wouldn’t mind your honest opinion of it.”    
  
Daisy shifted her stance and crossed her arms. She tried very, very hard to look down her nose at him, but even with the elevated desk, she was only barely at eye level.    
  
Ben let a breath out and regained his calm. “Seriously. I do.”   
  
“I think you’re a very good singer…” she started.   
  
Ben started to smile.   
  
“And I also think you’re a jerk. And that your friends are even bigger jerks.”   
  
_ Crap. _

 

It had been awhile since Ben wanted to be liked by someone. Normally he didn’t give a flying fuck. But people didn’t usually impress or inspire him, which meant that Daisy’s disapproval stung harder than he liked. He ran his hand through his hair sheepishly and ground his jaw. “Guess you got me there.”   
  
Daisy punched a button on her computer. “That’ll be $45.09.”   
  
He looked at the CDs and wished he could take back the conversation. Instead, he fished out his wallet and removed a credit card. He almost handed it to her, then drew it back as a thought formed in his mind.

  
“Who was the artist?”

 

Daisy blinked, almost startled by his question. “What artist?”   
  
“From last Friday. The song you did.” _  
_ _  
_ “Uh, Kimbra. The song’s off her first album,  _ Vows, _ ” she answered.   
  
His eyebrows lifted in surprise. “The gal from that Gotye song?”   
  
Daisy nodded, looking cautious. He guessed she had to deal with more than a few music snobs while working here. It was the kind of store that was just old school enough that it attracted hipsters. “She’s really very good on her own.”   
  
“Do you have anything of hers in stock? I’ve been looking for something new to listen to. That’s why I came in.”    
  
Maybe, just maybe, he had saved things from being too awkward come Friday. He could use someone to talk to about music who wasn’t going to dismiss everything with an eye roll or a scathing quip. In general, he was beginning to think he could use some friends that weren’t Hux and Phasma.

 

Except Phasma was his fucking wife. Did he not want to be friends with his wife? That couldn’t be good.   
  
Ben tried to brush the thought aside. It was work stress. Plus the fight and Phasma having to stay late all the time while he was leaving work on time most days… When he got a chance, he’d sit down and talk to her and try to rekindle things. Then he’d get over all these weird thoughts that he shouldn’t be having.

 

Daisy glanced at the computer. “Probably not. She’s from New Zealand.”   
  
“Oh.” There was always Spotify or something, but...

  
She shrugged at him and took his credit card.

 

“Rey!” A voice called out from the back of the store. “Have you taken your break yet?”

 

Panic took over her face.

 

-

 

_ Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. _

 

“Rey?” Ms. Holdo’s voice called out again.   
  
“Not yet! Just helping a customer with a purchase, then I can go whenever!” Rey called out to the back room, swiping his credit card frantically.

 

Her head whipped back towards Ben. By the shocked look on his face, he had recognized her name, and now all she could do was stand there as she died from intense mortification and finalized his purchase.   
  
“I’ll be out in a minute!” Ms. Holdo yelled back.   
  
If only “the Big One” would happen now and split California in two, right down the middle of Rebel Base Records. That’s how fault lines worked, right? He could keep the continent. She didn’t mind drifting out into the Pacific Ocean, never to return again.   
  
“So  _ you’re _ the person who slipped me the napkin?” Ben said slowly.

 

Rey cringed. That earthquake was taking its sweet time. “Don’t get too excited. It was before those tossers you call friends opened their bloody mouths.”   
  
He must have found this terribly amusing because he actually fucking snorted  _ again. _ “Well, I’d be flattered, but I’m married to the blonde one. Her name is Phasma.”

 

_ Oh lord, as if it couldn’t get any worse. _   
  
“You can say whatever you want about Hux though,” he continued. “He really is a tosser.”   
  
All she could do was rip off the receipt and push it over for him to sign.    
  
_ Married... _ There went her little crush, which had already been ruined spectacularly before this moment anyway.  _ To the blonde one. _ And she’d repeatedly insulted them to his face thinking they were all just friends. Though that did explain the dirty looks the woman threw her last Friday. Guess Phasma was the jealous type. Seriously, where was that earthquake?   
  
“It’s our own fault, really. Phasma doesn’t like jewelry, so we’ve never worn rings,” he continued as he signed. “You had no way to know.”   
  
Rey held out the bag of CDs to him, hoping her glare would mean a quick departure and the end to this torture. He took it and her boss chose that exact moment to burst forth from the back room.    
  
“Oh my goodness, Ben Organa-Solo, is that you?”   
  
The smirk faded from his face as the lithe, purple-haired woman stepped out from behind the counter. A slight note of panic laced the polite smile that replaced it. “Tante Ami… I was just wondering if you still owned this store.”   
  
She approached him with arms outstretched and Ben bent down to give her a hug. When he was released, she ran a hand down his shoulder and smiled fondly at him.    
  
“Just look at you,” she cooed. “Rey, would you believe this big lunk used to run around this store in only his diapers?”   
  
He turned bright red and Rey realized she could not stop the gigantic, shit-eating grin that spread across her face. “Wow, you’ve known him that long?”

 

“Ever since he was born.” Holdo smiled and took his free hand in hers. “How are you, Ben?”   
  
“Tante, do you have to tell someone that story every time I come in?” 

 

Holdo laughed. “It’s good to see you too. Rey, go ahead and take your break. I can watch the store while I catch up with Ben here.”    
  
_ Oh thank fuck. _

_  
_ She ran to the back room and spent her entire break giggling over the image of a tiny baby with Ben’s face running around in diapers. Served that twat right.

 

-

 

It was a surprisingly cool evening down in Newport Beach. The sunset glowed beautiful pinks, purples, and yellows, and the sea air was refreshing. It would have been quite romantic if Ben had been taking Phasma out for a nice dinner for two. 

 

Instead, he was there escorting her on a client dinner to the Ocean Club. Apparently this particular client, an advertising manager for a Kansas-based frozen food manufacturer, was known for being a bit handsy, and so Ben was forced to come along for protection. Apparently the man couldn’t shut up about how much he hated Southern California.   
  
“I don’t know how anyone can stand to live here. You can’t breathe anywhere except right by the ocean. Between that fire and the smog, I’m surprised the whole state doesn’t have asthma.”   
  
That fire happened to be so far north and small enough that it probably contributed little to the air quality in Orange County, but Ben kept quiet.

 

He tuned out the conversation as he spread some of the expensive Russian caviar that Phasma had ordered onto a piece of toast. To celebrate closing the deal, she had said. It had come out on a little cart, spilling fog from the dry ice it sat upon. It looked so…ridiculous. The client had been impressed though. He’d made some snide comment about not knowing they could get quality caviar on this coast. Ben wished he could make a snide comment about not knowing that someone could be such a moron, but he knew better.   
  
He found himself longing to be back in the unassuming dark wood-covered interiors of the Raddus. If it wasn’t for this dinner, he would be. There it was simple. No one needed to be pretentious or fake in a bar like that. There was just music, drinks, and a ridiculous amount of kitschy British regalia.    
  
The Ocean Club on the other hand… It was just about everything Ben hated about Orange County’s aesthetic. The place was elegant enough but lacked anything remotely daring or exciting to look at. White table cloths, black leather seats, beige walls with black beams. The rows of lighting were the only vaguely interesting feature in the room aside from the slowly darkening view of the ocean. It was all vaguely reminiscent of Tuscany, or some other stylish southern European place, without actually looking anything like it. No charm, just rich people.   
  
He was still stuck on what to do for the next video. Snoke had even inquired about it earlier in the day, which meant he was expecting it to be done sooner rather than later. And the interview with Opera Magazine had been scheduled for Tuesday…   
  
He was fucked.    
  
“Ben, I hear you’re an opera singer?” The client must have noticed his disinterest in the conversation.  _ Damn. _ _  
_   
Ben nodded. “I was.”    
  
Phasma put a hand over his own, smiling with something that read like affection, but Ben knew was just pride that he could be shown off. “His mother was Leia Organa, the famous soprano. He studied with her and his uncle Luke.”   
  
The client’s eyebrows raised. “Wow, that’s something.”    
  
And that was the end of that conversation. The man had clearly never been to an opera in his life. Ben couldn’t decide if that was better or worse, but at least he didn’t have to talk anymore. Maybe this dinner would end in time for him to drive over to the Raddus and put his name in. Daisy (Rey??) would probably threaten and scowl at him the rest of the night, but that really would be far more pleasant than another hour or two of small talk.    
  
But by the time it did end, Ben was too exhausted to think about driving anywhere but home. He pulled Phasma’s BMW into their town house’s garage and turned to her.   
  
“Spend some time with me this weekend? Just the two of us.”    
  
She gave him a dismayed look. “Baby, I have that business trip to New York on Monday. I have to make sure everything’s in place at the office before I leave.”    
  
_ Damn. _

 

“But I think I can squeeze you in tonight…”

 

-

 

Over at the Raddus, things were in full swing. Finn was in high spirits thanks to the noticeable lack of First Order employees. Rose, Poe, and the other waitresses had caught his infectious energy and spread it around the pub.

 

Rey, however, was… disappointed. She figured it was a given now that Ben and his crew would show up and set her on edge. After their horrific conversation Wednesday, she was just itching to pick a fight with Ben and find a way to bring him down several pegs. But that couldn’t happen if he wasn’t there. She couldn’t have explained why it was a let down, had anyone known to ask.   
  
As the night crept on at a snail’s pace, Rey tried to think about her finals this week instead. Saturday was her day off, which meant plenty of time to study. Sunday was her second weekly shift at Rebel Base Records, which meant she could study there when she’d finished inventory for the day. Aside from Wednesday, the rest of the week would prove more difficult with shifts at the Raddus and Plutt’s Auto Works between her tests. 

 

By the time Rose took her first break, she was thoroughly stressed out.    
  
“Hey, Toots,” Rose said as she sauntered away from Finn and Poe’s table. “How’s your night going?”    
  


Rey shrugged in response. “I’m trying not to think about finals.”   
  
“Ooo, are you thinking about Mr. Tall, Dark, and Not Here Tonight instead?” Rose giggled. Kaydel passed Rose a glass of water across the bar, not trying to hide her sly smile at the mention of Ben or her eyebrow waggle.   
  
“Well-” The words lingered on her lips, unsure whether she should say or not. “Apparently he’s  Mr. Tall, Dark, and Married.”    
  
“Oh,” is the only response her friend had to that information.   
  
“To that blonde woman. The one who made Finn snap.”   
  
Rose’s nose crinkled at the new information. “Ew, really? I feel sorry for him now.”

 

Rey could do nothing to stop the loud guffaw that escaped her. “I think they  _ deserve _ each other...” 

  
  


  
Which is why it surprised her when Ben walked into the Raddus on Monday night and sat on a bar stool across from where she was tallying up the weekend’s profits. 

 

“Hi,” he said casually.   
  
Her lip curled. “Are you serious? You really are stalking me, aren’t you?”   
  
He opened his mouth in response, then closed. Rey watched him as he searched for the right words, and began to feel a little guilty.   
  
“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t come here hoping to see you,” Ben eventually sighed. Rey’s heart thudded loudly in her chest. It became even louder when his eyes met hers. That line was a little too smooth for her liking. “I think that was just luck though. I had no clue whether you were working tonight.”    
  
She looked him over carefully. He seemed tired and unhappy, dark circles under his eyes and something eating at him from the inside. The long black hair that usually seemed so neatly combed looked ruffled and lanky.   
  
“Why?” she asked. There weren’t too many reasons he had to talk to her that she could think of.   
  
Those dark eyes pinned her to the spot, pleading with her not to go. “Because I could really use a drink and to not be alone right now.”   
  
Trying her best to stand her ground, Rey crossed her arms over her chest. “Where’s the wife?” 

 

“Business trip. Left tonight, but she was barely home all weekend...” He blew out a sigh again after that, and Rey couldn’t help but look at the way his cheeks puffed out and his lips shuddered. “I just want some company and I don’t have many friends.”   
  
She cocked an eyebrow at him. “Why doesn’t that surprise me?” Ben gave her a helpless look, and Rey realized it would be mean not to take pity on him. Besides, he was a customer. “Fine, what do you want?”    
  
“Sorry?”   
  
“To drink,” letting an impatient tone slip into her voice. 

 

-

 

Ben almost expected Daisy (Rey?) to just keep grilling him all night long. He wouldn’t have minded, but he was grateful when she poured him a glass of whiskey on the rocks and brought it back to the corner where he sat.    
  
“Thank you,” he said, sipping the whiskey slowly. She mumbled a reply and went back to her work.    
  
It was quiet aside from the music playing in the background and the chatter of a few patrons here and there. But the quiet at the Raddus was definitely better than home. Here, he felt the part of his brain that needed a distraction slip away, allowing him to relax. At home it was too lonesome, even when he’d turned on the TV for some background noise. He was sick of doing that. At least here, he could strike up a conversation with anyone if he chose.    
  
“Can we bury the hatchet?” he asked, after watching Daisy carefully for a minute. It wouldn’t be a surprise if she was still angry after their conversation last week. He didn’t want to dig himself into a deeper hole.

 

She stopped fully, a frown blooming on her brow. “I just lost the sum.”   
_  
_ _ Shit. _ _  
_ _  
_ “God. I’m sorry,” he groaned into his palm. “That was really stupid of me.”   
  


His hand dragged down to his mouth and he looked over at her. She was staring at him, thoroughly unimpressed. “Since you felt the need to interrupt my work, you might as well spit it out now.”    
  
He wondered how much worse he could make it, and his brain gleefully provided him a few scenarios. At least now he knew what to avoid...   
  
“I just… I just want you to know that I have nothing against Finn. That’s all Phasma and Hux. He was on their team, and unfortunately what he did had repercussions they’re still dealing with, so they’re still holding a grudge. I mean, they’re not the most forgiving people, even when they’re in a good mood, but I’m sorry they took it out on him.”   
  
Daisy set down her pencil. “Finn and I have been friends since we were both still in foster care. Working at the First Order was supposed to be his big break, but they treated him like trash. Like he wasn’t worthy of working there, except as a janitor.”   
  
Ben cringed. He wouldn’t put it past Hux, but to hear that kind of abuse had come from Phasma was disturbing.   
  
“It took him a year to get enough confidence back to start looking for another full-time job. He thought he would never be cut out for one, that he was destined to a life of poverty, that he’d have to work at Starbucks with no health benefits for the rest of his life…You have no idea how much damage those two did to him!”    
  
“I’m sorry,” he responded, not sure what else to say.    
  
But Daisy did. “Does that sort of thing happen often in your office?”   
  
It did, though not usually as bad as what Finn had experienced, and Snoke rarely did anything about it. Ben was never one to have interns, let alone participate in most office activities, so he wasn’t privy to most of the hazing he’d heard about.

 

“It’s not exactly a fun work environment,” he conceded. “Some departments aren’t as bad. Mine isn’t, but the Creative department is probably the most stressful.”    
  
“Why do you work there if it’s so awful?” 

 

That threw him for a loop. He had never contemplated how he felt about working at a job that he hated. He had taken it because it was offered to him, because it wasn’t opera, because he had some control over his life again, and because the work suited him even if he didn’t particularly like the place. Snoke gave him the chance to make something of himself independent of his family and he took it.    
  
“The pay’s really good,” he said, still unsure how he could explain it all. She nodded, seeming to understand that kind of reasoning. They sat in silence for a moment, a sad Beatles song beginning to play in the background.   
  


“I just wish someone had said something,” she mused, taking the end of the pen in her mouth and chewing on it.    
  
Ben tried to think about when he had first taken notice of Finn. It was probably in a meeting, but really the guy had stuck in his mind because of his exit. Finn’s face had been etched into his mind by that moment. He remembered Phasma’s anger. He remembered Snoke’s silent fury. He remembered…

 

He had been dealing with his father’s death back then. His injuries had healed, but he still felt phantom pains from the accident and woke up most nights drenched in sweat from the nightmares of seeing the last moments of his father’s life. It burned him inside, and everyday felt like a slow descent into unending hell. Even now he could feel the heat radiate off the scar that ran down his brow to his right cheek.   
  
And then Daisy’s hand on his brought him back to the present as she shook it. “Are you alright? You went all pale...”    
  


He stared at the concern written on her face until he could find the words. “Yeah. Yeah, I was just reminded of something.”    
  
“Well, I’m glad you’re alright.” She pulled her hand away, and if only he could take it and hold onto it until he felt right again... Instead he took a long sip of his whiskey, and focused on the sensation of where her hand had been.    
  
“My father died that year,” he said, not knowing why he said it. Must have been the whiskey. “It’s my fault he’s dead.”    
  
-   
  
Rey gasped a little and covered her mouth. The reaction was instantaneous, she didn’t even process the full weight of what he had said yet. 

  
Ben provided more context, his voice catching with emotion. “I was the one driving. I was the one who fell asleep behind the wheel.”   
  
She frowned, at a loss for words. What could you even say to that? Obviously it was a mistake. Obviously it wasn’t truly his fault, it was just the worst possible outcome of a mistake unintentionally made. But it had only happened because of his mistake, and how did you help anyone come back from that realization?   
  
She watched him take another swig of his drink, looking endlessly miserable. She had to say  _ something... _

  
“This is going to sound weird, but I knew your mother… For a time.” 

 

That got his attention on her instead of on whatever dark thoughts he was having. It was a bit of a gamble mentioning Leia now knowing that he’d lost both parents. “Finn and I volunteered at her charity a lot during his year off from work.”   
  
His face softened and when he spoke it was so soft it was mostly breath. “Really?”    
  
Rey nodded. “She was very sweet to us, she really helped Finn regain his confidence.” She let out a ragged sigh. “She helped me get this job,  _ and _ the one at Rebel Base Records. I wouldn’t have been able to pay for rent or school without her.”    
  
A small smile flitted across his face. “That sounds just like her...”

 

That made her smile too. 

 

“I actually really liked your video. I could feel your love for her,” Rey continued. “...She would have been touched.”    
  
It was the truth. She didn’t know Leia as Ben’s mother, but Leia treated everyone like they were her children. Always supporting those who needed it, giving whatever she could to help people, always a kind word or piece of wisdom on her lips.    
  
There were tears in his eyes now, and Rey was beginning to wonder what the hell she should do with the conversation and the knowledge that the man she thought was awful was really just... broken up about losing his parents.

  
“Thank you.” God, if the weakness in his voice didn’t just break her heart.    
  
After a moment, he chuckled softly and rubbed his face in his hands, trying to get rid of the tears. “Yeah, this is why I didn’t want to be home alone tonight. Much rather be talking to you, even if you hate my guts.”

 

“Well, you’re not alone now,” she replied with a soft smile. “And I don’t hate your guts that much.”

 

-

 

After Ben calmed down a bit, Daisy picked up her pencil and apologized for needing to finish up the ledger. He watched her as he traded whiskey for beer, marveling at how this unassuming person had known his mother and wondering what kind of relationship they had.    
  
He could see Leia fawning over Daisy like she did with just about every new person she liked. He wondered if Daisy would have smiled and humored his mother, or perhaps been slightly embarrassed by all the attention. He could see her protesting as his mother introduced her to Amilyn, telling her friend that  _ this _ was the person she should hire for the store. And Amilyn would have only needed to take one good look at Daisy to know that her best friend was right. Leia would have held her hand and squeezed it gently, just as a little symbol of her affection. He could almost feel the curve and tightness of his mother’s grip on his own fingers.    
  
_ Ben, _ she’d say. Y _ ou shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. We will always love you. _

 

And then he’d needed to distract himself before the tears spilled out of his eyes again.    
  
Daisy was still working, but he ventured a question. “How’s it going over there?”   
  
She ignored him until she scribbled down something. “Going okay. Almost done.”   
  
“Can I bug you for a bit then?”    
  
She wrote something down, then finally looked at him. “What’s up?”   
  
“My boss wants me to do another video, but I can’t seem to think of anything good,” he said. “I was hoping I could bounce some ideas off of you.”   
  
She tilted her head at that. “Me?”

 

Ben nodded, bothered by the fact that he found the expression a little too endearing.    
  
“Why?”   
  
“Because you can sing and you seem to know a little something about music,” he replied. “Also you’re probably half the reason I did that video in the first place?”   
  
Daisy frowned. “How do I have anything to do with it?”    
  
He frowned back, mouth open, trying to find words for the way her voice made his throat itch in anticipation, wanting to join in and harmonize, without sounding like a creep. He settled for “You’re a really good performer...”   
  
She laughed nervously. “I don’t compare to a professional like you.”    
  
But she  _ was  _ a good performer and Ben couldn’t let her remain ignorant of that fact. Obviously she was experienced. He barely knew a thing about her, but he knew she had been singing in front of others a long, long time. Which meant that at some point someone had told her she was just an amateur and crushed her confidence. It made him angry to think that anyone would do such a thing to her.    
  
“Daisy, I’m serious. Your voice is amazing.”   
  
She laughed again. “C’mon, it’s just a hobby for me.” 

 

“You may not be a professional, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re talented,” he insisted.    
  
Daisy looked surprised, like she’d never been told that. “If you say so…”    
  
He smiled. “I am saying so.”   
  
“Right. So...What do you need help with exactly?” She asked, a little wary still.    
  
Ben grinned. “Finding a song for my next video. I have no idea what I want to sing, but I have to  _ want _ to sing it, you know?”   
  
She hummed in thought, and Ben would have dropped a few hundred dollar bills just to hear those thoughts. He wasn’t even sure what her tastes were aside from Queen and Kimbra and Sixpence None the Richer, a odd combination when he thought about it. Daisy opened her mouth and nearly spoke. Could she have come up with something already? His heart thudded with excitement.

She tilted her head. “What do I get in return?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist:  
> My Father’s House - Bruce Springsteen  
> Dickhead - Kate Nash  
> Fake Happy - Paramore  
> A Better Son/Daughter - Rilo Kiley  
> Paint It Black - The Rolling Stones  
> New Soul - Yael Naim
> 
> Good news: I've finished the chapter I wanted to finish ahead of posting this one, so hopefully I can continue posting regularly this month until I leave on a work-related trip.
> 
> Bad news: My father passed away a few days after I posted the last chapter. I was hopeful he'd recover again right up until the day before he passed. But the truth of the matter was he was very ill and we knew it was a matter of how much longer he had with us. Unfortunately, his body just wasn't up to the task. But I want to let you all know he did live a long life (he was older than most dads of people my age) and was very loved by his family. I'm glad I was able to be there at the end to care for him. I miss him very much, and I wonder if it's really sunk it that he's gone.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who left me kind comments on the last chapter, and also to the Reylo fandom in general. The fandom, especially the folks on the Reylo Fanfiction Anthology discord, has been wonderful, supportive, and a much needed place to escape when I need a break from the stress.


	5. There's a Hole Where Your Heart Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey come to an agreement, and Ben is forced to face the music - or at least Maz Kanata, Opera Magazine's most fearsome reporter. Meanwhile, Rey searches high and low for a song that Ben can sing, but finds something else instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to [Zabeta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zabeta/pseuds/Zabeta) for beta-reading this chapter! I'm super-grateful for the pushes you've given me to make this story better.
> 
> [Chapter Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/20p7pcmkw3kb37ps98gusgykq/playlist/5uSMqgEOMRGGVYcokSQS5g?si=LFKMJLy8TIabyDa7pIecnQ)

 

 

“What do I get in return?”

 

Ben stared. There was a word for this in Yiddish.  _ Chutzpah,  _ he could hear his mother saying. Was it the good or the bad kind?

 

“...What?” 

  
  
Daisy gave him an evil grin. “I’ve got the perfect thing. If I help you find a song for your video, I get to choose what you sing next at Karaoke Night.”

  
His mouth opened slightly, still not sure if he should be wary.

“Do we have a deal?” She proffered her hand for him to shake.   
  
He took a look at it, still a bit shocked, then contemplated her offer. It wasn’t a bad deal. Might be slightly humiliating, sure…

_ Oh. _

She intended to get him back for their awkward conversation on Wednesday. As if Tante Amilyn’s diaper story hadn’t been enough...   
  
He huffed and held out his own hand.  “Fine, I guess it’s a fair trade.”

She gripped his hand, grin widening as they shook on it. “I’m sure it’ll be fun for at least one of us.” 

 

For a moment he almost regretted it, but then decided it would be a small price to pay for a new friend. After she finished the sums for the bar, Daisy started by grilling him on his tastes, what he had been thinking about already for the video, what wasn’t inspiring him. They went on for a few hours like this, not making any real headway. She was surprised that he didn’t listen to music much on his own time, despite his expansive knowledge of the subject.    
  
And the truth was he didn’t know why he hadn’t listened to music for his own enjoyment for so long. It had been a constant in his life, always a given. Whatever he did, there was always music around. And at some point it  hadn’t been enjoyable anymore, but now…

He had been upset that Snoke was forcing him to do another video. It had felt like a dangerous step backwards into the life he’d thought he’d fled for good. Hadn’t he wanted to feel in control of his own life? To not feel like he was stuck in his family’s shadow, always a poorer version of their talent clinging to their coattails?    
  
In a moment of deep anxiety, Ben had considered deleting his video and the Youtube account. But Snoke would probably have made his life miserable for it, and he’d be stuck kissing ass like Phasma and Hux until his boss was satisfied.  _ That _ didn’t sit well with Ben either.   
  
What ultimately stopped him from erasing everything was the interview. It would have been one thing if Snoke hadn’t arranged it, but now that it was happening, Ben was stuck. It took him at least an hour on the punching bag to come to terms with the fact that he’d thrust himself into the spotlight again.   
  
The workout had helped a bit, allowing Ben a chance to stop panicking so he could think of reasons why it wouldn’t be as bad as he thought. There weren’t many, but he found at least one solid one: ultimately Ben had control over what he sang. And maybe now with Daisy’s help he could still turn it into a step forward. And if he wanted to do that, he had to start listening to music again. 

  
“I don’t know what to suggest,” Daisy sighed as the night wore on. It was almost closing time, which had surprised Ben. Normally he wasn’t one to stay out so late on a weeknight, but the conversation with Daisy had been engrossing. He supposed he could just sleep in and then head over to the office in time for his magazine interview. Daisy had helpfully gotten his bill ready.   
  
“That’s okay,” Ben yawned. “It’s a start.”

Daisy shrugged and whipped out her phone. “What’s your number? If I think of something, I’ll text it to you.”   
  
That woke him up. “Uh… You want my number?”    
  
Daisy let out a soft laugh. “How else am I going to help you out? Are you going to drop by every time I have a shift at Rebel Base and get humiliated by Miss Holdo? Mondays are quiet here, but I’m not going to be much help come Friday...”   
  
She had a point. He didn’t want to risk more people hearing that story. Ben relinquished his number and she quickly sent him a text. He tapped open the add contact form. “Oh… What should I call you? Rey or Daisy?”   
  
“Keep quiet!” She shushed him. “I use Daisy here so no one knows my real name. Just in case of creeps.”    
  
“Ah… I see.” He typed in “Rey.” Something about knowing her name when she usually kept it from others thrilled him. He half-wished he’d come by it honestly, by winning her trust so that she told him willingly. In a way she had, he supposed, by writing it on that napkin. “Thanks.”    
  


Ben stood to leave, grabbing his suit jacket in the process. “Good night.”

“Hey,” Rey said. Her voice halted. “Text me when you get home.”   
  
He raised an eyebrow at her.    
  
“Just to make sure you get home alright,” she explained, blushing slightly. “I know I’ve been giving you lots of water, but…just in case?”    
  
“Of course,” Ben smiled.  
  
When he got home, a text was already waiting for him.    
  
**Rey** ****  
Home yet?   
  
**Ben**   
Just got in the door

**Rey**  
Ok ttfn

 

* * *

 

Thankfully Tuesday’s final was easy enough for Rey, an Asian history class she took as an elective. It was fascinating for her, having never traveled before, and not so hard that it brought her GPA down. Which was good because she was completely distracted by Ben’s video.    
  
Every second possible, she had her headphones in, thinking about every song as if he were singing it. She’d come up with a tiny list by the time she arrived for her shift at Plutt’s. None of them was quite right, she knew, so she figured she’d wait to send it to Ben until she had at least one slightly better choice.    
  
She changed into her coveralls and headed into the work bay to start on her first car of the afternoon. The radio was on as usual, which meant that Rey could think about finding a song as she worked.    
  
Journey came on after the commercials ended. Definite no. Too saccharine for him. Guns n’ Roses? Overplayed. She knew he wouldn’t want to do something with multiple different recordings where he sang different parts and played different instruments like some Youtube stars did. That ruled out a lot of songs that the radio DJs liked.    
  
Plutt walked past and leered at her. Rey tried not to let it noticeably affect her, afraid it would spur him on more. But she knew it was just a matter of time until the disgusting man either made a move on her -which would force her to quit- or found a reason to fire her and put her out. Unfortunately, it was her highest paying job. For now, she’d take pride in being the mechanic with the fastest turnaround and best work.

  
A song came on as Rey drove home from Plutt’s, on one of her playlists. She had installed the aux input herself just to be able to plug her phone in and listen to something other than the radio.    
  
It was Ben all over. The Ben who had raged about his pain on stage. The sad, hurt Ben that had broken down in front of her yesterday. The Ben who sang a song for his mother and let his grief show in front of the whole internet. But it was a song he needed to hear, not one he should be singing. Rey would need to sing it for him. 

 

* * *

 

The interview was set for 11:30 AM, so Ben arrived at work around 10. He didn’t get enough sleep, but it was enough so that any pictures they took of him wouldn’t make him look like a zombie.    
  
Apparently he was late.   
  
“Where have you  _ been? _ ” Hux hissed as he grabbed Ben by the elbow. “Get your ass to Snoke’s office  _ now! _ ”   
  
An old woman and an only slightly younger man were seated at Snoke’s desk. The woman he recognized. Maz Kanata had been writing for  _ Opera _ as long as he could remember. She must have been ancient considering Ben once found her byline in a 1971 issue on his mother’s bookshelf.

  
“Ah, Ben,” Snoke said, tapping a finger subtly on his watch. “Glad you finally got through all the traffic.”    
  
He nodded at Snoke, then turned to Maz. “Yes, sorry I’m so late. Maz, how are you doing? It’s good to see you.”    
  
She looked him over carefully with her unusual glasses, her eyes looking like they were about to bulge out of the thick lenses. “Ben Organa... it’s been a while.”   
  
Ben smiled politely and took her hand in his, then leaned down to kiss at her cheeks. “I didn’t know you’d be doing this interview.”   
  
“Of course!” She cackled. “Who else could ever get you to actually talk about something worth writing?”    
  
And there it was. Maz Kanata was, to most people, an eccentric old woman. To Ben, she was the journalist who had always made him the most uncomfortable. She knew far too much about him and his family, and could intuit more than Ben was usually willing to share. He nodded at Maz, then turned to greet the photographer.    
  
Snoke had volunteered his immaculate office for the photoshoot and stood around the edges of the room, trying his best to intimidate and make sure that Ben didn’t say anything out of step with the First Order’s image. It reminded Ben of interviews many years ago when his uncle was always sure to be there to keep Ben’s temper in check. If only Luke had understood that it was his presence and the constant worry that set Ben off more than the invasive questions.

 He would have to push back the bad memories to get through this.  
  
The photographer sat him in one of Snoke’s black leather armchairs. Maz sat down in front of him and took out a recorder. “Ready?”  
  
He huffed as the photographer started clicking away. “For you? Never.”  
  
Maz let out a great big “HA!” and switched on the device. “So Ben, tell me what you’re doing here with Mr. Tall, Pale, and Creepy.”   
  
Ben tried not to choke, and raised his eyebrows. Snoke hadn’t moved, though clearly he had heard the insult, the sharpness of his eyes attempting to bore holes into Maz’s skull. “Um, well I’m the director of Music Licensing.”  
  


“Yes, I read your LinkedIn profile, Ben. Now tell me what you  _ do _ .” Maz drawled.    
  
“I help our advertising team pick and license music for the campaigns they work on,” he sighed. 

“Better. You said in the video that it was inspired by your mother, but what made you return to performing after all this time?”    
  
He knew this question would be coming. He was prepared for this question. It was just a matter of how much he could reveal without revealing too much. “My wife and a friend took me to a karaoke bar. After that I was just itching to sing, I guess.”

Maz looked up from her notes and gave him a discerning once-over. “Who was the girl with the golden voice then?”

  
Ben frowned. There was no fucking way he’d talk about Rey in an interview. “Girl?”

“Your wife, perhaps? Is she a good singer?”    
  
That was an opening he could take. “She has a lovely voice. Seeing all the people giving it their all just made me want to sing again too.” 

“So does this mean you’re considering a return to the world of music?”

His mouth opened, the words just on the tip of his tongue. But he had to be careful. “I might do a few more videos...if the inspiration hits. Otherwise, no.”    
  
“I’ve asked him to do a few more,” Snoke interjected, striding over and putting a hand on Ben’s shoulder. The photographer took the opportunity for a couple of shots of them together. “We’re very proud of the response he got to this one. Maybe some interesting opportunities will arise in the future.”

The touch shook Ben to his core. He remembered his uncle often touching the same spot when he thought Ben needed to be reined in during an interview.  He felt a tremble run through him, and then the sharpness of fingernails as Snoke gripped his shoulder.    
  
“Tell me, Ben,” Maz said, watching the two curiously. “What exactly made you decide to leave opera? We’ve never gotten to hear the story in your own words.” 

Snoke let go of his shoulder. There was no way he could interfere in this answer, and for once Ben was grateful for Maz’ uncanny sense of perception. He took a deep breath, remembering the answer he had rehearsed, sounding it out in his head once last time.    
  
“I loved singing. I didn’t leave because I hated it. Maybe some people think I did, but I think what I really wanted in the end was to do something completely on my own. And I just couldn’t do it if I was constantly being compared to my mother or my uncle. There was no way to escape that if I stayed in the opera world.”    
  
“Hmm…” The old woman’s hands stopped over her writing. He looked toward her and found her mouth pulled in a tight line. He couldn’t quite figure out why until she took her glasses off and ran a finger under one eye. “I’m sorry. This is so terribly unprofessional of me.”

Ben leaned forward in his chair. “What’s wrong, Maz?”

She sighed heavily. “I just miss your mother so much. We used to call each other every week. And here I am with you after so long…”

Without thinking, he held out a hand to her. “Yeah, I miss her too.”    
  
Maz smiled and took his hand, giving it a firm squeeze and shake before releasing it. “That is why we’re both here, isn’t it?”    
  
Then she stood, brushed the front of her skirt, and stopped the tape recorder. “Well, I came here to do two things: Interview you and get some burgers from In-n-Out. But I think we need to take a little break. Would you like to join me?”

“Isn’t it a bit early to be thinking about lunch?” He heard Snoke say.    
  
“Nonsense. My stomach still thinks it’s in New York.”    
  
“I’ll have some delivered then,” Snoke replied, reaching toward a button on his desk.

“You’ll do no such thing!” she cried. “It will be  _ cold _ by the time it gets here! Come. We’ll all go.”   
  
Snoke paused, not used to being ordered around, let alone told no. He settled for, “I’m afraid I have other pressing matters to attend to.”   
  
“I’ll take you, Maz,” Ben smiled, trying his damnedest not to chuckle. “We can go in my car.” 

She swiftly packed up her things, and motioned for the photographer. Ben held the door open and gave Snoke a small nod. The look on his employer’s face was one of sheer disgust and anger. Maz Kanata was a fucking genius. How did Ben miss it before?

  
  
They barely spoke until after the tiny woman devoured two 4x4 Animal Styles with extra grilled onions and a thick vanilla milkshake. 

“I don’t know how you can stand working for that man,” Maz said as she wiped her fingers with a napkin. “He’s not to be trusted.” 

Ben shrugged as he picked up a fry, careful to note when the photographer was about to press down on the shutter. No one looked good eating on camera. “It pays well, and my wife works there.”   
  
“Why didn’t you introduce me to her, dear?”

“Ah, she’s in New York right now, for business.” Click, click, check the camera. Ben stuffed the fry in his mouth and chewed as fast as he could without choking.    
  
Out came the recorder and notepad again. Maz hovered over the buttons. “Well, keep your options open, child. You don’t belong there.” She clicked record. “Now...Let’s talk about what you’ve been doing to keep your vocal chords active all these years. Don’t you dare tell me you haven’t done anything in seven whole years... ” 

Ben couldn’t remember the last time he laughed so hard.

 

* * *

 Rey scribbled frantically on a piece of paper. It wasn’t a guitar song, which made it all the more difficult to turn it into one. She was shit with a piano, so there was no way she was breaking out her old keyboard and embarrassing herself. Ben probably knew how to play piano, _the fucking nob that he was._

 But she knew her way around a guitar and Poe had an acoustic one that he let her borrow whenever. He had three more guitars, so he rarely needed that particular one.  
  
The music started over again and Rey scribbled a few more notes down. She should really study, but she wanted to get a rough draft of the music down. Then she could concentrate on her physics final.   
  
Eventually she looked up at the clock. The red numbers glared back: 1:00 AM. Fuck. The final was at eight. She hadn’t even cracked open her notebook to do her last review. She shoved the guitar and the notations she’d been writing down to the side and did what she could in 30 minutes.

As Rey lay in bed and tried to fall asleep quickly, she wondered how the hell she got so obsessed with Ben’s project. She almost got pissed at him for getting her involved, but found she couldn’t stay mad. It was obvious the man needed better friends, MORE friends, more company in general. Rey could be company. Maybe even a friend. It didn’t cost much to be kind, she reminded herself, and he had tipped well.   
  
Hopefully he was doing better tonight. 

* * *

 

 Tuesday night Ben had spent the evening with Maz at his mother’s favorite spot, Five Crowns. She had never been, usually seeing Leia in Los Angeles, or maybe San Francisco, whenever they met each other on the West Coast. Somewhere close to an opera house.  
  
“This is lovely,” Maz told him as they entered. Then he proceeded to watch her devour a 24 oz steak without batting an eye. Where she put it all, he wasn’t sure.  
  
Wednesday night was lonely again. Hux had flown over to New York for the trade conference the night before, so there wasn’t anyone he could really ask to hang out. Ben thought briefly about heading down to Rebel Base Records to see if Rey was working, but then remembered she had mentioned her finals were this week. He really didn’t want to come across as a creep or a jerk to her again. Not when they had finally cleared the bad air between them.  
  
He had almost told Maz about her over dinner. That of course there was a girl, and that she had just about the most amazing stage presence he’d ever seen. Like she knew just how to capture attention when she wanted to. That her voice had electrified him. That he went back to the karaoke bar for her just as much as he did for himself.   
  
But that was another great way Ben could fuck up their tentative friendship. 

  
  
He called Phasma to see how she was doing before it got too late on the East Coast.

Judging by her huffing and puffing, she was on the treadmill. He could hear the rhythmic pounding of what must have been her feet in the background. “Hey, how’s it going, Ben?”

“Hey,” he responded, hoping she wouldn’t be annoyed by the interruption. “Sorry for calling so late. I had to make up for being out all of yesterday, so I was at the office until just now.”    
  
“Ah… Because of the interview?” Her breath caught at the end of the sentence.   
  
“Yeah. You doing alright? Let me know if you can’t talk.” 

“It’s fine, just trying to tire myself out before bed,” she said, voice halting again. “Everything’s going okay here, really... But if you don’t mind, I’m going to let you go.”

“I understand. Sleep well, Phaz.” Ben hoped he didn’t sound too disappointed. Phasma didn’t like any sort of clinginess. Wanting to talk for a few more minutes didn’t seem too clingy to him.   


She grunted loudly. “Thanks, Ben. Night!”

He tried not to focus on how quiet his whole life became after she’d hung up. Even after he put on some music -the Captain and Tennille album he’d bought, then some Coheed and Cambria- nothing seemed to fill the gaping space and silence.

 

* * *

 

Thursday. Another final down. Another shift at Plutt’s.    
  
“Rey, don’t replace every A/C filter. We’re running out,” he growled at her. “Just shake out the old ones.”   
  
She winced. That meant Plutt wanted her to stiff the customers and that never sat well with her. “But if they’re paying for it…”   
  
“If I see you replace another one today, I’ll take it out of your paycheck.”   
  
_ Shit. _ There was no arguing with that. She couldn’t afford to take a hit on her paycheck with a new semester coming up soon. “Yes, sir.”

 Rey did her best to thoroughly clean the A/C filters in the five cars she serviced that afternoon and topped up their freon to make up for her shitty boss.

Dead tired, she flopped down onto the couch in the main house hours later. Poe was making pupusas tonight, and Rey was not about to turn down free food.    
  
“How did it go today?” Rose asked from her perch on the other end of the large sectional. The beauty of this particular couch was that it was large enough for all four of them to lie down comfortably. Rey couldn’t wait to get a proper job so she could afford nice things like giant couches.    
  
“Probably terrible. I’m so tired. I keep getting distracted and going to bed late.” She wasn’t going to mention Ben or that it was because she was working on the song for him. She had finished writing the music down and practiced a few times last night, but had to stop herself before she had no time left to study.   
  
“Ohhh that sucks,” her friend hissed. “You should take a quick nap while we wait for food so it’ll be easier to study later.”    
  
“Already on it,” Rey laughed. 

  
  
She woke up to Finn gently shaking her shoulder. He smiled fondly when she blinked at him.  “Dinner’s ready.”

 Poe pulled out a chair for her and set a small plate down by her drink. It was covered with little fried balls and powdered sugar. “Some special rellenitos for my favorite Rey.”   
  
Rey looked up at him in gratitude. “You didn’t have to do all that!”   
  
“Well, I found some plantains at the store, so I figured it’d be a nice treat during a stressful week,” he grinned.   
  
“Make any for us, babe?” Finn asked.  
  
Poe shook his head. “Only for my favorite girl. So she can keep her strength up.”   
  
Rose laughed. “Excuse me, why aren’t I your favorite girl? I’m your fucking girlfriend. And what about Finnikins? Don’t you love him?”  
  
The grin on Poe’s face just spread wider. “You’re all my favorite and you know it.”   
  
Rey popped one in her mouth, savoring the spiced plantain and bean mixture, trying not to moan too loudly. It was the best thing she’d eaten in weeks. “Sorry, mates. No way in hell am I sharing this.”

 

* * *

 His finger hovered over Rey’s name in his text messages. He wanted to click on her name and talk to her so badly, Ben really thought he might cave any moment.   
  
_She has finals this week,_ he reminded himself. She probably wasn’t prioritizing him and his stupid request over her grades.  
  
For a moment he got distracted by the fact that she was still a student. He didn’t know what she was studying or even her age. It had to be at least 21 since she worked at the bar. Maybe he was being a creep, an older man trying to be all friendly with a woman who could be nearly 10 years his junior. Shit, was he being a creep?

But he really just wanted to be friends. There was no harm in that, right? He was married. He didn’t need that kind of companionship, he just wanted company, friends, warmth…    
  
...Those things should have already been in his life. And all of a sudden all he could focus on was how he thought he had built a successful life and how empty all of it felt. Isn’t this what he had wanted? The great job, the independence, someone who cared about him in spite of his famous family? Why wasn’t that enough? 

If only Phasma were home more. They were spending too much time apart.   
  
_ Ping _

He picked up his phone, expecting to be disappointed, but it was Rey. Ben’s fingers couldn’t unlock the phone fast enough.

A video, no text. He pressed play immediately, almost shaking with excitement as he turned the sound up. 

She leaned away from the phone, wearing an olive green hoodie and clutching an acoustic guitar. Her hair had been pulled back into a bun that was probably meant to be sleek, but Ben could see the little of wisps of hair that poked out and framed her face.   
  
“Hey Ben. This song isn’t what I think you should sing, but I wanted to sing it for you…” She looked down at the guitar. “I hope that’s okay. I don’t really know what you want to sing about yet, but I hope this makes you feel a little better.”   
  
Rey looked back up at the camera, “Oh, and if this sucks it’s because I’ve still got one more final tomorrow and I’m only going to do one take so I can go back to studying.”   
  
He laughed at that. He was pretty sure it was going to be amazing no matter how many times she messed up. 

Her fingers strummed the guitar in a melodic little tune and, for a moment, Ben was concerned the guitar would drown out the sound of her voice. 

_ Hey, look up!/Don't make a shadow of yourself/Always shutting out the light!/Caught in your own creation/Look up, look up!/It tore you open/And oh, how much? _

His breath caught in his throat. Powerful as always, her voice ripped through all other noise.

_ Cause there’s a hole where your heart lies/And I can see it with my third eye/And though my touch, it magnifies/You pull away, you don't know why… _

Did Rey write this? Just for him? Probably not. Not in the middle of her finals… But still she had taken the time to learn this song and make this video just for him. Ben felt his heart fill, and worried that emotion would burst out and crush him with its weight.   
  


_ Hey, look up!/You don't have to be a ghost/Hidden amongst the living/You are flesh and blood!/And you deserve to be loved/And you deserve what you are given/And oh, how much? _

Straining to get the right emotion and power in her vocals, Rey was almost forgetting to do anything with the guitar. Her fingers strummed through the chorus, not changing the chords or their swift, thrumming pace.

_ Cause your pain is a tribute/The only thing you let hold you/Well now I'm a memento/Always there to remind you/But your pain is a tribute/The only thing you let hold you/Well now I'm a memento/Always there to remind you… _ __  
  


Then high and soft, the bridge came and with it the beginnings of tears in his eyes. She was singing for him, about him. Like she understood so much of him…

_ I'm the same, I'm the same/I'm try'na change/I'm the same, I'm the same/I'm try'na change/I'm the same, I'm the same/I'm try'na change/I'm the same, I'm the same/I'm try'na change _

She ended the song with one last belted note, then let out a breath like she had some superhuman lung capacity.   
  
After a moment she smiled and ran a hand over her head. “I hope you liked that. See you tomorrow night at the bar?”   
  
The recording clicked off and Ben immediately missed her voice and her presence. He lifted the phone and began to type.   
  
**Ben**  
That was…  
It was so amazing  
Did you write it?  
  
The bubble popped up indicating she was typing a reply.   
  
**Rey  
** Glad you liked :)  
No, it’s Florence + The Machine from her third album  
  
**Ben**  
I’ll have to check it out  
Good luck on your finals. See you tomorrow.

**Rey  
** :)

**Ben**   
Thank you

Ben scrolled up to watch the video again. He closed his eyes to just listen to her voice, and realized that he was falling in love with a person who was not his wife.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist:
> 
> Just What I Needed - The Cars
> 
> Get Back - The Beatles
> 
> Edit- Regina Spektor
> 
> Disparate Youth - Santigold
> 
> Third Eye - Florence + the Machine
> 
> Thanks for reading as always. I'm about to leave on a trip for about 3 weeks, so I'm not sure what's going to happen with Chapter 6. I'm rushing to get it scored, beta'd, and saved as a draft before I leave so I don't leave you hanging forever. We'll see how that goes.


	6. Keep the Earth Below My Feet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey finishes her finals just in time for another karaoke night, and Ben finds himself alone after Phasma and Hux are stranded in New York.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to [Zabeta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zabeta/pseuds/Zabeta) for beta-reading as always. I am super grateful for you. <3
> 
> [Chapter Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/20p7pcmkw3kb37ps98gusgykq/playlist/7zLuyep8KH8sB47N7b6F4v?si=mawTIcAFRMuUwYilFa0zDA)
> 
>  
> 
> [Link for the last song on the playlist](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SiAuAJBZuGs) because Spotify doesn't have everything.

Somehow, SOMEHOW, Rey managed to feel like she had not totally fucked up on her philosophy final, the last one of the summer quarter. But no one could convince her that philosophy was not a steaming pile of bullshit.  
  
Sure, the basics of it were fine. The study and debate of ideas and critical thought were understandable. It’s just that eventually it got down to arguing over slight differences in opinion and that was what Rey couldn’t stand. She had spent half the quarter trying not to roll her eyes during mock debates and fighting the urge to walk out.

Now it was over and she was feeling wonderfully free, despite the fact she was going to be on her feet all night. She was excited to see Ben. His response to her video last night had been so quick, it made her giddy. She stared at the read receipt until finally the little dots came up telling her he was replying, and then...  
  
Rey didn’t really understand why he praised her singing so much, but she ate it up. There had been a time in her life when the only comment she got on her voice was to stop using it. There had been times when all she got for it was a coin haphazardly tossed her way. It wasn’t until Finn had found her singing as she scrubbed the toilet in their foster home that anyone had actually said she had a good voice. It still felt new whenever someone complimented it.

But her video had been a diversion. He still didn’t have a song for his next video, which meant she had to keep looking. Rey scrolled through her song list in the back seat of Rose’s car, on their way to the Raddus, hoping something might click before her shift.

 

* * *

 

The plan had been to get Hux and Phasma from John Wayne Airport after work, take them home, and let Phasma sleep off the jet lag while he went to the karaoke bar. But Mother Nature figured it was the perfect week to begin hurricane season and sent a Category 4 up the Eastern Seaboard. Phasma and Hux were stuck in NYC until the wind and rain eased up.

Ben’s phone pinged.  
  
**Phasma  
**Miss you :(

 **Ben**  
Miss you too. Stay safe

It felt fake now, and that made Ben angry with himself. He cared about Phasma and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her with his own stupidity. He wanted to be just loneliness. Then all he had to do was fill his hours, distract himself, until Phasma had more time for him. Then it would all sort itself out. In the meantime, he was going to spend an hour with the punching bag at the gym downstairs from work, then he was going to the Raddus because he told Rey he would be there.  
  
Seeing Rey was a bad idea, but Ben convinced himself over and over that he would just control his urges. Of course he would choose Phasma over a little crush with a woman he barely knew. They could be just friends. Rey had her boyfriend. Ben was married. Nothing was going to happen anyway.

It was a relief to see her at Poe’s table, her arm draped over the man’s shoulder, while his cheek laid on her hip and his arm wrapped around her waist. Ben slid into the same chair at the bar that he’d occupied on Monday, figuring Rey would eventually spot him and they could chat a bit about music between her rounds.  
  
The blonde bartender crossed over to him immediately, an easy smile on her lips. “Hey, welcome back! Just you tonight?”  
  
His eyebrows raised slightly, a little surprised to be interacting with anyone but Rey. “The other two got stranded in New York. Work conference.”  
  
“Oh no, that hurricane?” Ben nodded in response. “That sucks! Well, what can I get you?”

As she poured him a whiskey, he looked out in Rey’s direction again. She and Poe were still leaned up against each other while the KJ and Finn talked to them about something. They did look rather charming together.  
  
“Waiting for Daisy to come over and talk to you?”  
  
He looked over at the bartender, who was just putting down his drink on a Union Jack coaster. Her name tag read “Kaydel.”  
  
“I saw the two of you talking all night on Monday,” she offered as explanation.

“Thanks,” he mumbled before taking a sip. His eyes wandered back over to Rey. The two had separated from each other, but she still had a hand on the back of Poe’s chair.  
  
“If you’re wondering if she’s single, the answer is yes,” Kaydel said just a bit too close to his ear for comfort.  
  
Ben whipped his head around to see Kaydel pulling away, a sly grin on her face. “Poe is her ‘bar boyfriend.’ To keep the creeps away. But since you’ve already gotten her number, I guess you’re not a creep.”  
  
Ben’s eyes went wide. “Uh, I’m married. Daisy’s just helping me with a personal music project.”  
  
The bartender crinkled her nose. “Is that blonde woman really your wife then?”

“Yeah, she really is,” Ben shot back, getting annoyed with Kaydel’s tone. He should really talk to Phasma about reconsidering the rings.  
  
Once Kaydel turned to help another customer, Ben did his best to avoid staring at Rey and dwelling on this new secret he had just learned. This was bad. If she was single, that was one less roadblock...  
  
Ben took a swig of whiskey to help distract him. Whether she was single or not shouldn’t make a difference. He was still married. He really should have stayed home.  
  
“Ben?”  
  
He turned to see the ruddy face of Gial Ackbar at his side. He hadn’t crossed paths with the master conductor in years, one of his mother’s favorites to work with. The man had missed her funeral, Ben realized. Probably an overseas engagement. And, well, Jewish funerals happened fast.  
  
“Maestro…? What are you doing here?”  
  
The man smiled, his wide-set eyes narrowing with joy as he patted Ben on the back. “I’m retired now. My nephew and I like to come here to watch the singers.”  
  
Ben rubbed a hand through his hair. “Wow, congratulations. I bet they miss you back in New York.”  
  
Another bemused smile. “I don’t miss them! Would you like to join us?”

* * *

 

Rey didn’t notice Ben’s presence until she saw him following Mr. Ackbar back to his table with a drink in hand, the two chatting easily about something. Good. He was making friends.

She heard Finn sigh behind her, and when she turned to look at him, her friend had a dismayed look on his face.  
  
“What’s wrong, babe?” Poe asked.  
  
“The First Order’s back. Or at least one of them is,” Finn replied. “I don’t know why they like it here so fucking much all of a sudden.”

Poe shrugged. “Maybe it’s because we’re actually fun?”  
  
“Don’t worry, love,” Rey said, patting Finn’s shoulder. “I’ll make sure that he and his friends keep well away from you.”

At the very least, that garnered a grateful smile.  
  
Her section was starting to fill up. Time to make the rounds.  She avoided Ben’s table at first, keeping an eye out. They all had unfinished drinks, and Lee Char wasn’t drunk enough to order the Chicken Tikka Nachos yet. Every once in awhile, she caught Ben looking around for her and made sure to turn her head before his eyes caught her. She didn’t want him to know just how much she wanted to talk to him, to see his reaction to her video in person. Rey would save it until later when she needed a second wind. And besides, it was almost time for Rose to kick off the night.

Tonight was going to be a bit unusual. All the waitresses and Kaydel had planned a big opening number, something they’d always wanted to do, and Rey had somehow managed to keep up with the choreography despite the bad timing. It definitely helped that they’d scheduled practices right before the Friday night shift began.

The tension became noticeable the closer it got to 9:00 pm. Rey could feel it in her gut everytime she turned in Ben’s general direction. And then finally Mr. Ackbar had finished his first beer and Ben’s whiskey looked drained. She could use it as an excuse to check on them.

“Hi guys, how are we on drinks?”  
  
His eyes were on her immediately, and she could feel his gaze, making her skin prickle with excitement. Rey put on her best polite smile and let herself take a good look at him. Something in Ben’s expression burned, making her want to pull him away so they could find somewhere quiet to talk. Which would be a terrible idea because everyone would see them sneak off, and then rumors would start flying, even when _all_ they would be doing was talking.  
  
“Another Newcastle for me please,” Mr. Ackbar said, raising his empty pint glass toward her. Rey flipped out her tray and took it from him.

Lee Char was still finishing his first pint of the night. Ben, however…  
  
“What did you do to your hands?” she blurted out. His knuckles were a disturbing red compared to the rest of his pale skin.

Ben lifted one, looking it over without concern. “I was at the gym earlier. I like to box.”  
  
“Right. One bag of ice then. And what’ll it be to drink?” Rey knew fuck all about boxing, but she was pretty sure boxers wore those gloves to protect their hands. What did he do to hurt them like that? Ben opened his mouth to protest, then decided he had been chastised enough.  
  
“Another glass of whiskey, thanks.”

 

* * *

 

Ben felt his face and ears warm after Rey pointed out his hands. Lee Char and Maestro Ackbar hadn’t noticed until them until then, and now they couldn’t help but stare.  
  
“Wow, that really looks like it hurts,” Lee Char offered.  
  
“Ah, it’s fine,” Ben smiled, hoping he could get them to focus on anything else. “I was just a little too rough tonight.”  
  
Maestro Ackbar clucked his tongue. “You should be careful, Ben. Your hands are an important tool.”

The shame burned on his cheeks now. They weren’t wrong, but how else was he supposed to get rid of everything he didn’t want to feel? He felt like he was always boiling over with anger or disappointment or confusion lately.

Suddenly something cold pressed to the back of his hand and Ben yelped.  
  
“Your bag of ice.” He looked up and saw that Rey was still smiling her waitress smile. If only it wasn’t Friday and he could get a chance to actually talk to her.  
  
“Thanks,” he grumbled as she set down their drinks. The cold did feel good on his knuckles.

“LADIES…” The KJ called out. “AND GENTLEMEN, OF COURSE!”

Rey froze. “Damn. Hold onto this, will you?” She set her tray down on their table and the house lights switched off.  
  
“ARE YOU READY FOR ANOTHER NIGHT OF FREAKY FRIDAY FUN?”  
  
The crowd cheered. Ben noticed that Rey was no longer beside their table. In the dark he couldn’t make out where she’d gone.  
  
“WOOHOO!” The KJ trilled. “WE’RE READY, GIRLS!”  
  
Someone laughed loudly. Ben almost thought it was someone in the audience until a light popped on at the bar, revealing Kaydel in front of it, holding a microphone.

 _Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want!_  She sang.

Another light appeared over a waitress at the other side of the bar.

_So, tell me what you want, what you really really want!_

A third light revealed Rey in the middle of the crowd, her legs spread wide and an elbow pushed out in a coquettish fashion.

_I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want!_

Two more waitresses by the stage.  
  
_So, tell me what you want, what you really really want!_

Rey started stomping her way up to the stage, Kaydel and Tallie just behind her.

_I wanna—, I wanna—, I wanna—, I wanna—, I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig, ah._

They snapped into a group pose, linked by their arms upon each other’s shoulders. Rey did her best to put on a sexy gaze as Kaydel sang the next verse.

_If you want my future forget my past/If you wanna get with me better make it fast/Now don't go wasting my precious time/Get your act together, we could be just fine_

The pose broke and they jumped and stomped around the stage like madwomen as Kaydel and Tallie called out the first part of the chorus. Rose had said it looked coordinated and fun, though Rey had her doubts.

 _If you wanna be my lover/You gotta get with my friends/Gotta get with my friends/Make it last forever/Friendship never ends/If you wanna be my lover/You have got to give/Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is._  
  
She turned to Jess as they moved to the second part of the chorus and wrapped an arm around her friend’s waist. Then her eyes moved out across the room and out towards Ben. He was grinning widely. Did he really enjoy her singing that much?

She stepped out in front of the others to sing her verse. Without thinking, her eyes and outstretched hand reached in Ben’s direction.  
  
_What do you think about that?/Now you know how I feel/Say you can handle my love/Are you for real?_

 _Are you for real?_ The other girls crooned.  
  
_I won't be hasty, I'll give you a try/If you really bug me then I'll say goodbye…_

Rey tilted her head at that last line and turned swiftly back to the other women. She had kept her eyes on Ben the entire time and he could feel his blood surging through his body in response.

_Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want!_

_So, tell me what you want, what you really really want!_

_I wanna—, I wanna—, I wanna—, I wanna—, I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig, ah!_

_I’m married,_ he repeated to himself. _I shouldn’t have these feelings._ _  
_

But as he clenched his fist, Ben remembered the pain in his swollen knuckles, and then the ice Rey had brought him. He hadn’t expected that. How long had it been since someone had paid attention to him like that, let alone cared enough to take care of him?

His mind wandered briefly to the people that tried after his parents’ funerals.  
  
_So here's a story from A to Z/You wanna get with me?/You gotta listen carefully_

Kaydel was rapping now, twirling between each girl as she spat out the lines, exchanging affections with them. Rey turned her cheek to receive an air kiss and her eyes met Ben’s again. She felt her cheeks flush.

 _And as for me?/Ha-ha! You'll see._  
  
Slam your body down and wind it all around!/Slam your body down and wind it all around!

All his attention was focused on her. Normally she would have guessed it was on the stage, but no… His gaze seemed to follow her as she pranced around the stage again. Was it just her imagination?  
  
_If you wanna be my lover/You gotta get with my friends/Gotta get with my friends/Make it last forever/Friendship never ends!_  
  
It had to be. It was just that silly crush re-emerging. Which was completely daft because he was married. She _knew_ that.

 _If you wanna be my lover,_ all of them sang. _  
_

_You gotta—, you gotta—, you gotta—, you gotta—/You gotta slam, slam, slam, slam!_ Kaydel continued.

 _Slam your body down and wind it all around!Slam your body down and wind it all around!_  
  
The thought that he was totally unavailable had made her smile slip. Rey quickly twitched her lips upwards and hoped that no one noticed.

 _Slam your body down and wind it all around!/Slam your body down and zigazig, ah!_  
  
The last few lines came up, and Rey kneeled down and threw an arm in the air, back arched for their final pose.

 _If you wanna be my lover!_  
  
So unfair, she thought as the crowd cheered. The first time she’d developed a serious crush on someone in years, and he was already taken.

 

* * *

Ben handed Rey the tray as she returned to his table. “Great job.”  
  
Immediately her eyes traveled away from him. She was still flushed and breathing hard from her efforts on stage, but he thought he saw her cheeks turn even more red. “Thanks.”  
  
“Well done, Daisy.” Ackbar and Lee Char had begun to clap for her again. Ben noticed she lifted her gaze to smile at them. Why?  
  
“You’re too sweet! I better get back to work now,” Rey said quickly, then left again.  
  
Ben watched her as the maestro commented on what a nice girl she was. Numerous patrons were calling out to her and giving her high fives as she checked on their tables. She looked at all of them. Smiled at all of them.

Five minutes passed, and he kept watching her as Lee Char and Ackbar got distracted by the next performances. Their eyes met across the room briefly, and again Rey turned away from him a little too fast. Was she avoiding him now?

Ben’s heart twinged and he berated himself for the way she made him feel. It wasn’t right. Then something within him snapped to attention.

He didn’t need this. He didn’t need to be here at the Raddus. He had thought he needed it, but he had been wrong. It was only going to hurt. He was tired of hurting. He’d had enough of that the past three years.  
  
Ben finished his whiskey. “Guys, I’m going to go. See you next week maybe.”

“So soon, Ben?” Ackbar asked as he stood.

He nodded. “I’m more tired than I thought. Could probably do with a good night’s sleep.”

He headed straight for Kaydel and thrust out a fifty dollar bill. “This should cover it.”  
  
“Huh? Leaving already?”  
  
He didn’t bother replying, he simply walked out and waited for his Uber.

Back in his empty house, he threw himself down on the couch and pulled up Phasma on his contact lists. It was late back in NYC, but it couldn’t wait.  
  
The phone rang and rang and rang, and when he finally thought it would go to voicemail, she answered. “Ben? Is everything okay?”  
  
She sounded tired and hoarse. It had probably been a long, stressful day for her and part of him hated to make it worse.  
  
“No, not really. I mean, I’m fine, everything’s fine, but I need to talk to you and it can’t wait.”  
  
There was silence and then some rustling of what must have been bedsheets. “...Okay. What’s wrong?”

Ben sighed and ran his free hand through his hair. He could feel the tears starting to build up even though they hadn’t reached his eyes yet, just the back of his throat. _  
_

“Us. We’re all wrong. You’re always somewhere else, doing something, and I’ve been needing you so much. I miss you, but you haven’t been around even when you’re here with me.”

Phasma let out a breath. “Oh Ben, I wish I was home right now. Really, I do.”  
  
He tried to gulp back all the emotions beginning to surge. “The hurricane and the conference... I know those aren’t your fault, Phaz. Don’t worry about not being home right this second. But I want you to be home with me sometimes, not just at the office all the time.”  
  
“Okay, I understand.”  
  
“Maybe… Maybe I’ve been really distant for a long time.” He lost the battle with his tear ducts. “Shit, yeah, I’ve probably been ignoring what you needed forever. I’m sorry, Phasma.”

“It’s okay,” she cooed, the phone connection crinkling her voice even more. “You’ve been going through a lot the past few years.”  
  
“That’s really no excuse,” he choked. “I should have stopped thinking about myself for two fucking seconds. I’m sorry, Phasma. Even now, I’m just-”  
  
“No, you’re not wrong,” she cut in. “I was trying to give you space to grieve and trying to do everything at work… I know you’ve been feeling a little alone and I didn’t really listen to you. That’s not right. I’m sorry too, Ben.”  
  
The tears began to flow freely down his cheeks, salt and water collecting at the corners of his mouth and dribbling down his neck. With them came small, fragile sobs hidden in deep breaths. Phasma listened to him cry in silence, only the soft rustle of her bed let him know that she was still on the line.  
  
“When I get home, I’ll do everything I can to make time for you. For us,” she finally said. “Thank you for telling me. And for being patient with me.”  
  
“Thank you for listening,” he said, a harsh breath escaping his lungs. It simultaneously hurt and made him feel far lighter.  
  
“Everything okay for now? Is there anything else?”  
  
“Yeah, I feel better. We can talk more when you get back. Hopefully tomorrow?”  
  
He heard the little noise she made as she smiled. “With any luck. I’ll keep you posted.”  
  
“Sorry for waking you up. Get some rest. Love you.”

“It’s okay. You get some rest too. Good night.”  
  
The call ended and Ben let his phone drop to his side. Tears still came freely, but he knew they were just the residual emotions pushing their way through his body. He thumbed away a stream of wetness and let his breath shudder. She had heard him. Everything would be fine.

* * *

Rey had been studiously avoiding Ben, trying to push away the feelings she’d developed for a married man. If she could just exile them to the back of her mind, then she knew she could treat him like any other friend. Besides, she had a job to do.  
  
But he had disappeared at some point when she hadn’t been paying attention and it didn’t seem like he was going to return. She even checked the men’s room before Kaydel told her that he’d paid and left fifteen minutes ago. He hadn’t even stayed an hour. Rey tried not to feel disappointed, but she felt antsy until her dinner break when she could pull out her phone freely.  
  
**Rey:  
** You left?  
  
She checked her phone again and again and again. So much for trying to avoid him.

There was no response until the next day.

  
**Ben:  
** Sorry, wasn’t feeling great. Thanks for the ice.  
  
Rey sat up in bed. She had been lazing around because it was her day off and her trio of friends were out on a date, but his text had pushed away the last of her sleepiness.

  
**Rey:  
** That sucks! Feeling better?  
  
Her heart sang when she saw that he was typing a reply.  
  
**Ben:  
** A bit, thanks for asking.  
  
**Rey:  
**How goes the song search? Are you busy today? Maybe I could help you today since I’m off work?

A knot formed in her throat as she realized how that sounded. But he _had_ asked her to help. Surely she wasn’t being too forward? Surely she wasn’t overstepping any bounds? After a few agonizing minutes, he finally replied.  
  
**Ben:  
**Okay. Do you want to meet somewhere?

 _Holy shit. Holy SHIT!_  
  
She really shouldn’t be so excited to see him. He was married. They were just friends. There was no way she could let him know about how she felt. She would just have to deal with it.

 **Rey:**  
Sure! I just need an hour or so to get ready. Where do you want to meet?

She didn’t wait for his response and hopped in the shower immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist:  
> Friday I’m in Love - The Cure  
> Say Amen (Saturday Night) Panic! At the Disco  
> Wannabe - Spice Girls  
> Below My Feet - Mumford & Sons  
> Crush - Tessa Violet
> 
> Hello from somewhere in New Zealand! The fact that you're seeing this means I managed to get it done before I left, so now there won't be a massive gap between updates until I run out of my buffer chapters! Yay!
> 
> A few notes about the story: This fic is going to go to some uncomfortable and morally grey places. Once I started creating the story beyond "Ben and Rey doing karaoke together," it was always meant to be a fic that explored the many mistakes people make in their relationships. There is going to be one instance that can be considered non-con (though it will not be a sexual assault), and I will warn you beforehand in the notes and tags. You'll be able to skip over it without losing much of the story, and I think that's the only thing that a lot of people might not want to read. But after that things will start righting themselves and heading toward a happy ending. The in between will be a lot of ups and downs, a lot like the way life can be.
> 
> Thank you again for reading.


	7. Can We be Alone?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben get to spend some quality time together, just the two of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to [Zabeta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zabeta/pseuds/Zabeta) for beta-reading as always. You truly make my writing so much better. <3
> 
> [Chapter Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/20p7pcmkw3kb37ps98gusgykq/playlist/6CJIh4ioUmRELffCu6FQnX?si=GjeHAM02QTSXMJmNqTrO5Q)
> 
> I'm sorry about the delay! Life has been...all sorts of stressful lately. I've also got [a few WIPs](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17679089/chapters/41699627) going on and managed to get carried away with [a crack fic,](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18304586) plus [a few](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18203432)[one shots.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17647802/chapters/43435274)
> 
> Yeah. I've been busy. ^_^;;

****

**Rey:**  
Sure! I just need an hour or so to get ready. Where do you want to meet?

 

Ben ran a hand through his hair. This was still a bad idea. He knew it.

He also knew he’d have his ass handed to him if he didn’t churn out another video for Snoke soon. So he turned his attention back to his phone.

 **Ben:**  
I’m not really sure, actually…

  
  
She didn’t respond right away, which made Ben nervous.

 _Fuck, this was such a bad idea._  
  
He considered suggesting his place, and looked around. It didn’t need much cleaning. Phasma had hired a service to come in and clean once a week, which always made Ben feel awkward when it was some Mexican lady older than him.

  
_Ping_

His fingers slid automatically over the glass.  
  
**Rey:**

How about a karaoke place? Get the creative juices flowing?

 

**Ben:**

Who’s doing karaoke at this hour?

 

**Rey:**

Shout Karaoke in Tustin? It’s a private booth place.

 

_Ah._

He didn’t know the place, but it sounded a hell of a lot more productive than her coming over to his house. It would definitely be a lot less weird than having her here.

 

 **Ben:**  
Okay, sounds good.

 

**Rey:**

:) See you in 45?

 

He almost just grabbed his wallet and left, but remembered he was still in his running clothes. A quick shower was needed first.

Once he was toweled off, Ben opened up the closet and stared at his choices. Despite his inappropriate feelings, he gave a shit about what he looked like in front of Rey more because she was talented and thus deserved respect. To Ben that meant not just throwing on any old shirt, but putting actual care into his appearance beyond adding some product into his hair.

He pulled out a pair of grey jeans and a deep maroon button up. He rolled up the sleeves so as not to seem too stuffy and formal, and tucked the shirt into his waistband. Comfortable, but not slovenly.

He pulled up to a dingy little shopping mall tucked between the 5 and the 55, and looked around. There was a kosher market that his mother had probably frequented (closed on a Saturday, of course), a variety of Asian restaurants (Vietnamese-Chinese was a thing?), and an event space space that used to be a theater, judging by the marquee advertising someone’s quinceañera. It took a minute before he spotted the little karaoke place tucked in between two Japanese restaurants. It looked too small to hold multiple booths.

The late summer heat nearly made him regret the long sleeves during the short walk from his car to the door. Inside were a gaggle of Asian teenagers, a slightly older clerk - also Asian, and no Rey. Being the token white person didn’t make him feel awkward as much as being the token white person literally towering over everyone else in a crowded room. He stepped outside again and hoped he could avoid pit stains if he stayed in the shade

 

**Ben:**

I’m here.

 

Minutes passed and no response. Finally a beat-up looking red Honda Accord pulled up with Rey inside. She waved to him as she exited and locked up the car. For all Ben’s careful dressing, Rey was the epitome of Southern California casual. Her white top was covered by a long, sleeveless lavender hoodie. The hem of it touched the backs of her thighs a few inches below the fray of her cutoff shorts. Her hair was up in a high messy bun, wisps of golden brown hair curling down her face and around her neck.  
  
“Hey, sorry I’m late!” she called out.  
  
And her legs… Ben realized he hadn’t seen them before, just the inch or two between the top of the white boots and miniskirt that made up her waitressing uniform. But they were long and slightly tanned and covered in a healthy smattering of freckles...

 _Shit._

He whipped his eyes back to her face and prayed she didn’t notice him staring or that the sight of her had left him a little breathless. “Hi.”

There was no way the afternoon was going to end in anything but disaster.

 

* * *

After the front desk had finally been cleared of teenagers, Rey secured their room along with two water bottles and watched as the clerk ran through the karaoke instructions for Ben’s sake. He was almost too big for the tiny 2-4 person room and they’d had to move the little table out so Ben could sit comfortably.

Shout Karaoke was her favorite private booth place. Out of all the ones she’d gone to, it had the best selection of songs, its lists full of unusual choices rather than just the standards. Plus there were two systems in each room, which meant that anything you couldn’t find on the large touchscreen menu could usually be found on the remote control-operated system. The cherry on the top was the ability to see the actual music videos instead of some random clip from an Asian tv drama. Sure, you couldn’t get food or cocktails like the the fancier places, but Rey would rather sing than pay for shitty, overpriced popcorn chicken. Plus the happy hour deals during the daytime actually made it affordable without having to find five people to join her.

“So...” She started, dragging the touchscreen stand over to where Ben sat. “What do you want to sing?”

“I don’t know.” His jaw began to move in contemplation. “Maybe you can sing first?”

Rey eyed him before an idea came to her and she broke out into a wicked smile. “Sure. But if you don’t figure out what to sing, I get to choose your songs.”

“You’re evil,” Ben quipped, his own smile appearing. “But sure.”  
  
“I’ll be kind,” she laughed as she began tapping through a list of artists. “Well, this time anyway. Any requests?”

A finger rested upon his lips as he contemplated her question. Rey found her eyes lingering over the way it pressed into the pretty pink-ish flesh and willed herself to return her gaze to the touchscreen.  
  
“I’m probably going to enjoy whatever you wind up singing,” he said, finally. “But if I think of something I’ll let you know.”

That wasn’t helpful, so Rey started off with some Britney to keep the mood light. By the time she finished, Ben still hadn’t decided, so she made him sing Fall Out Boy’s “Dance Dance” just to hear what he’d sound like singing some classic emo pop punk. He surprised her by turning it into screamo when he got frustrated with the high notes.

In the end they wound up singing for nearly three hours until they were both too hoarse to continue. Towards the end it had devolved into utter silliness with Rey doing “My Humps” in an exaggerated Valley Girl accent and Ben trying to sing “Popular” from Wicked in his deep voice, which made Rey howl with delight.

They decided to drive over to a coffee shop a few minutes away to get something warm for their throats.  
  
“That was fun,” Rey croaked at Ben as they got into his car, all black with black and red leather inside. “It was fun to see you sing like that.”  
  
“Like what?”  
  
“Like you were having fun.”  
  
Ben gave her a curious look as they pulled up to a stoplight.  
  
Rey smiled even wider, remembering him getting all excited to see Wicked even on the song list (especially after he found their Johnny Cash selection lacking). “You weren’t singing for someone else today. I can tell.”

His mouth twisted into something between a grimace and a smile, and he hummed his agreement as he turned left into the parking lot she pointed out to him. He found the coffee shop and pulled into a space.

Inside, the coffee shop was nice and cozy. Just the perfect temperature for such a place in spite of the warm weather outside. Rey quickly ordered her favorite rooibos tea and scanned for an open table while Ben ordered a cup of black coffee. She smiled at him as he moved to her side, but he was too deep in thought to notice.  
  
Once a couch opened up, Rey swiftly staked her claim and Ben followed automatically when she patted the space next to her. 

“So…” Rey said, trying to catch his attention from wherever his mind wandered.

He looked at her as if he had forgotten they were hanging out.  
  
“How’s the wife?”

Ben sighed. “She’s stranded thanks to the hurricane. Probably won’t be home until tomorrow or Monday.”

“Oh, that sucks.” Rey immediately felt more nervous and moved her eyes away from Ben and down to her hands. Not that staring at him, trying to to take in every detail of him that she could, would have been okay if she thought his wife was in town. “...Is this okay then?”

“To be honest, she doesn’t know about this whole thing,” Ben shrugged. “Well...she knows that I’m trying to make another video, but not about you helping me or about us meeting up like this.”  
  
“Oh.” That didn’t sit well. Phasma seemed the jealous type, and Rey very much did not want to give her any reason to evoke her ire. “You should tell her. No woman’s going to be happy if you hide stuff from them.”  
  
He looked at her, a little too surprised by what she just said for her liking. As if being honest and upfront to his own wife wasn’t the obvious thing to do. “Ah... you’re right.”

Rey smiled. At least he could admit that much. “Yeah. Of course.”  
  
“Order for Rey!”

She popped up and dashed over to the counter to grab her tea and pour in a healthy splash of cream. The barista called for Ben just as she approached the couch and they switched places. Holding the cup up so she could breathe in the steam, Rey wondered if she wasn’t accidentally inserting herself into Ben’s life when she shouldn’t.

It almost felt as if she had unwittingly stepped onto a carnival swing. One day he was the biggest jerk she’d ever met, and then only days later he was opening up to her over a glass of whiskey. Now they were getting together outside of the Raddus and Rebel Base Records and she didn’t hate it, even if it scared her.

It scared her when Ben draped his long frame over his end of the couch and all Rey could think about was climbing into his lap to kiss him. It scared her that her eyes wandered freely over the thick, but short eyelashes that brushed against the tops of his cheeks and the little moles that dotted his pale skin. Why was she so attracted to him? His nose was too big, the more she looked at it. On its own it was almost comical, but next to the swollen red of his lips its size no longer mattered. The way Ben pulled her in frightened her and she hated the feeling. She half wished she still disliked him just so she could be rid of it.  
  
“What’s on your mind?”  
  
Rey felt herself jump slightly at the sudden intrusion of his voice. Back to her senses, she saw him take a sip of his drink as he watched her.  
  
There was no way she could tell him she was daydreaming of making out with him at a busy coffee shop like a horny teenager.

“I...I was...thinking of England.” God help her, that was awful. She prayed he didn’t know the phrase and scrambled for an excuse.  “Drinking a nice cuppa always reminds me of home.”

A horrible save. Ben grunted in acknowledgement and Rey found herself once again praying for The Big One to swallow her whole.

 

* * *

 

“Do you miss England?”

Based on conversations he’d had with Phasma and Hux, Ben imagined most British expats in the US missed home quite a bit. Just about everything was better there. The tea, the coffee, the beer, music, the seasons (mostly), and so on. Sometimes it almost made him question why they stayed in California at all because they only liked the warm winters and the food.  
  
So it surprised him when Rey shook her head emphatically and stared down at her tea. “Being here is so much better…I don’t really want to go back.”

She took a slow sip of tea and smiled, “Though I do have to say the coffee shops make way better tea there. Starbucks is the worst.”  
  
He returned the smile and Rey fell silent, her eyes a thousand miles away from the oversized teacup she was staring into. Ben was about to make a comment about how shitty America was at tea when Rey finally spoke again.  
  
“I started busking in London when I was eight. That’s how I started singing. For five quid so I could buy sandwiches at Tesco because I didn’t have anything to eat.”

Words of disbelief died in his throat. All he could manage was, “Shit.”

Her cheeks flushed and her expression tightened, and it made him want to kick himself. Like a damn fool, he had forgotten about one of the few details he knew about her: she had been in foster care.  
  
“Shit,” he said again. No, that wasn’t enough to make up for his faux pas. He set his coffee down on the table. “Sorry. That must have been rough.”  
  
Her expression softened somewhat. “It’s okay.”  
  
“It doesn’t sound like it was okay.” Ben leaned forward, the leather of the couch squeaking beneath him, trying to get closer to be reassuring without seeming like a creep. “That couldn’t have been legal.”  
  
“It wasn’t. But I needed to eat,” she said matter of factly as she put her cup down. The line of her lips trembled.  
  
“Rey…” His hand reached out to touch hers where it curled up on her knee. He’d dredged up something bad, he knew. “Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories.”  
  
She turned back towards him and Ben’s heart broke as he watched tears drip down her face. 

“It’s not your fault,” she said, voice watery. “It really isn’t.”

Without thinking, he moved toward her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pulling her toward him. A hand found her head and began to stroke it. “No, no, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I made you think of it. I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’m so so sorry.”  
  
Rey sobbed briefly into his shoulder. One shuddered gasp and then nothing but a few tremors as her breathing faltered. Ben kept his arms wrapped around her, wondering just what the hell could have happened to her, then realized just how inappropriate he was being in the middle of a coffee shop. Not wanting to make it worse, or to make it seem like anything other than a friend comforting another friend, he leaned back slowly and released Rey from his grasp.

She brought a hand up to wipe her eyes and smiled at him. “I didn’t know what else to do to make money at first. So I just stood around and sang to distract myself from being hungry and someone threw 50p at me. Then I put my hat down and got more, so I kept doing it.”

“Wow.” He couldn’t help but return her smile. “No wonder you’re such a good singer.”

She actually fucking laughed at that. An immediate, almost barked laugh that was too harsh to be fake, and Ben felt something within him surge with delight at having changed her mood. “Thanks, Ben. Sorry, I didn’t mean to break down like that. In public no less.”

He patted her hand, even though he really wanted to take it in his own and hold it for a very long time. “Don’t worry about it. I broke down in front of you on Monday, right?” 

_I don’t mind listening,_ he almost added.  
  
Another chuckle. “Yeah...you’re right.”  
  
Shifting awkwardly because of his height, Ben stood. “Can I get you anything? Tissues? A cookie?” He’d buy her a whole 8 inch cake from the display case if it made her feel better.

Her eyes met his and there seemed to be a mischievous twinkle flashing through them. “A snickerdoodle.”

Stunned momentarily by her very specific request, Ben found himself repeating it back to her. “A snickerdoodle?”

“Yes,” Rey replied, a hopeful smile now lifting her cheeks. “They’re the best. One of the reasons why I love America.”

It never occurred to him that they didn’t have snickerdoodles in the UK, and as he walked up to the register he realized he couldn’t remember the last time he had a cookie, let alone a snickerdoodle. So he bought one for Rey and one for himself.

The look of delight on her face when he returned was almost too much for Ben to stand.  
  
“Thank you.” Her voice was too delicate there. Too grateful. Like Ben had just brought her the world.

“No problem,” he breathed.

Then she bit into her cookie and made the most obscene noise Ben had ever heard. “God, that’s so good.”  
  
He felt his ears burn, a sure sign his face was bright red. Venturing a look, he saw Rey’s eyes filled with tears again as she stared at the cookie. Was it possible for a cookie to be so good that it brought her to tears? No. It had to be excess emotion spilling over from her earlier crying. Still, the woman beside him savored each bite of the sugary baked good with a slightly indecent noise and a very restrained manner, as if she would inhale it in one bite despite its size.

He relished her enjoyment of it. If only he could watch her each time she felt so intensely about something. The next best thing in this moment was to eat his own cookie. After contemplating it for a moment, he took a bite.

“It’s really good,” he said between chews. “I don’t think I’ve had a snickerdoodle since I was a kid.”

Rey gave him a look of such shock that Ben almost didn’t understand why until she said, “Why not? Are you mad?”

Translation: _Was he an idiot?_ And he had to admit the answer might be yes.  He shrugged. “I don’t know why.”

Her side eye made him blush further. “Ben, I hate to say this because you just bought me one of the best cookies on this planet, but I think you might be a bloody idiot. Why would you avoid something so lovely for so long?”

Yup. He was. And that made him think about something else he’d been an idiot about.  
  
“Right. About the video…”  
  
Rey immediately perked up and focused 100% of her attention on him.  
  
“I think I may have figured it out.” 

It was so damn obvious that Ben felt like a complete fucking moron from the moment he realized it. He had been too focused on finding a message to sing about or a meaningful tribute he could make that he’d forgotten the only thing that could still make the project work for him. He could sing for fun. 

A weight lifted from his chest. Here he was trying to be some fucking _artist_ with a message, making things harder on himself for no real reason, when all he was doing was singing cover songs on Youtube. All this had to be was light and fun, and people would probably still eat it up because he was Ben Organa. And as long as it got attention, Snoke would be pleased.

It was so simple and he was too fucking stupid to figure it out on his own. And then Rey had just blurted it out like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Rey inhaled, eyes wide with her barely contained excitement. “You did? What song?”  
  
He shook his head. “I don’t have the song yet, but I know what I’m going to do now. I’ve been taking this whole thing too seriously, but you’ve just helped me figure that I really don’t need to. I’m just going to find a song I like singing and do that.”  
  
_That smile could take over her whole face,_ he thought absentmindedly as her lips curled up.

“Thank you,” Ben said. “You really helped.”  
  
Now it was her turn to shake her head, her three loose buns bouncing. “No, no, I didn’t really do anything. You don’t have a song yet!”  
  
Ben whipped out his phone and opened it up. “Then I’ll pick one out right now so you believe it.”

He watched her try to protest, but there was nothing to actually complain about so she closed her mouth and looked down at her hands. Feeling victorious, it only took him a minute to find one from his workout playlist.  
  
“Psycho Killer,” he declared to Rey. Snoke probably wouldn’t like it, but Ben decided he didn’t give a crap. It was weird, it was catchy, and it was one of the songs that had gotten him through through those awkward, slightly angry early teen years when he just needed to sing and thrash around like a wild animal in his bedroom.  
  
She returned to her excited state immediately. “Oh! That’s a good one!”  
  
Ben just smiled and pushed a hand through his hair. “You’re like my muse or something.”

Once he looked up, he saw that Rey had blushed so hard, he almost expected her to start steaming and whistling like a tea kettle. Her gaze moved away from him and back toward the hands in her lap. He couldn’t tell if she was frowning or smiling. “O-oh.”

Not sure whether or not it had been welcome or a mistake, Ben leaned a bit closer to her and whispered softly, “Thanks, Rey. I mean it.”

He leaned back just as she lifted her head towards his. A momentary lapse in judgement. He shouldn’t try to get closer, either physically or through subtleties. He was married and he wanted to remain married. “So what do you want me to sing for you on Friday?”

The rest of their afternoon together consisted of Rey peppering him with questions about his music tastes. Could he rap? (Yes, of course.) How did he feel about _Les Miserables?_ (He could sing it, but wasn’t particularly excited to.) Were there any songs or bands that he hated? (No “Black Friday.”)

Satisfied with his answers as he dropped her off by her car, she gave him a warm, but awkward hug over the center console that might have lingered a moment too long. But if it was inappropriate, neither of them said.  
  
“Today was fun. We should do karaoke like this again,” Rey smiled as she slid off the car seat. “And thank you for the cookie.” 

He tried to return the smile, but he still felt a little guilty about why he’d bought her the cookie. “It’s the least I could do after making you cry in a crowded place like that.”  
  
Rey just shook her head. “Don’t be daft. You didn’t mean to make me cry.”

“I know, but…” A stern look from her stopped him in his tracks. Ben sighed. “Just tell me if I’m being a jerk again, okay?”  
  
“Ohhhkaaaaay,” she sighed back. Then her tongue darted out at him as she slammed the door.  
  
Shocked, he rolled the window down as she reached her own car.

“Did you just stick your tongue out at me??”  
  
The too-wide smile spread across her face once more, a hint of mischief in it, and the only answer he got before she jumped into her car and drove off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Playlist:  
> Hello Goodbye - The Beatles  
> Dance Dance - Fall Out Boy  
> Just Friends - Amy Winehouse  
> All I Got - Santigold  
> She Smiled Sweetly- The Rolling Stones
> 
> The art above is a commission from [the incredible Lilithsaur!](https://twitter.com/lilithsaur) Thank you for drawing my version of Rey and Ben being a bunch of goofballs. 
> 
> Comments are loved and appreciated. I'm going through a bit of a rough patch in life and I could definitely use any and all thoughts, general enthusiasm, and fic-related cheerfulness. Fic is what's keeping me afloat right now.


	8. It’s Just Some Little Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben tries to patch things up with Phasma while Rey tries to keep her feelings in check. Then it’s time for Ben to sing Rey’s song of choice at karaoke night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you forever times infinity to [Zabeta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zabeta/pseuds/Zabeta) for beta-reading. You ask the tough questions like what kind of whiskey does Ben drink, and I like that even if I do not know the answers...
> 
>  
> 
> [Playlist Link](https://open.spotify.com/user/20p7pcmkw3kb37ps98gusgykq/playlist/1OtFKBeUfqXl1t0XslxlfA?si=AW6-tFkeRAG8z1EML0X7QQ)

On Monday,  Rey decided to use the hours before her shift at the Raddus to purchase some books for the next semester and walk to her new classrooms around the deserted campus. She was going to have a much heavier workload since all the aerospace engineering faculty liked to schedule important classes for the fall, but she’d allowed herself one elective just to lighten the load: Ballroom Dancing.  
  
There wouldn’t be any homework and she’d get to learn something fun without needing to sign up for an expensive class outside the university that didn’t allow anyone to join without a partner. The shoes had been a bit pricey, but not as bad as the $200 (used!!) Advanced Aerodynamics textbook she’d found online. And she’d always wanted to learn how to dance. Thank goodness for her scholarship money.

Rey imagined herself stepping in time to music, sublime and graceful, dressed in something slinky but tasteful. She would wow the crowd with an elegant dip, and when she pulled back up she realized the imaginary partner her mind had concocted was Ben. Suddenly the details of him became clear, his dark eyes watching her, his muscular arms pressing her close to the heat of his body. The memory of the feel of his arms embracing her the other day came up unbidden, sending a new flush to her cheeks.  
  
_It was just a few hugs,_ she told herself. _Calm the fuck down._

She had thought a lot about her little crush since Saturday, repeating the same mantra over and over and over, hoping to  turn it into the emotional equivalent of muscle memory: _Ben is unobtainium. He is married. You cannot pursue him. You shouldn’t even like him like that. All you can do is be a friend to him. Just put away your feelings, enjoy his company, and wish for his happiness._

It hadn’t quite taken hold yet. Rey sighed in front of the entrance to the dance classrooms and started the long walk back to her car. The idea of simply avoiding Ben never once crossed her mind.

 

* * *

 

Sunday had been weird. Ben and Phasma had talked after he picked her up from the airport that afternoon. Their conversation had naturally turned into sex, but as he lay in bed, watching Phasma sleep, he still felt frustrated.

Phasma had admitted to not paying attention to him. Apparently Ben had retreated so far into himself after his parents’ deaths that she just let him be until he snapped out of it. She had tried to comfort him after his father’s death and couldn’t get him to open up. So she turned back to her work, and then saw the same cycle repeat after his mother passed.  
  
That surprised Ben. That Phasma was just waiting for him to return to normal. She wasn’t the type to be patient, to wait for what she wanted. Normally she would just say or do what she needed to get it.

What rankled him was her promise to spend more time with him, with the caveat that she needed to focus on work, too. Which Ben did understand. It wasn’t as if work demanding their attention was anything new. He would have to be patient. It wasn’t his strong suit, but this was his marriage. Either he worked it out or he turned into his parents. They had stayed together purely out of fondness and some kind of wayward idea that it’d be better for Ben. But they may as well have been separated for all the time that his father had spent away from home.  
  
Yet it did feel like Ben had come out of a long hibernation. Like life was suddenly so much _more_ than it had been since his father died. Maybe since before then. Life was suddenly easier, or perhaps just more bearable in a strange way. If he could just be patient…

Not that it eased the sting of Phasma prioritizing her work over him.

He was afraid to mention Rey. It seemed the wrong time to bring her up. They had only just begun this reconnection with each other, and perhaps bringing up that he spent his day off with Rey while Phasma was on the other side of the country would upset the delicate balance between them.

Of course that made him think of Rey sobbing in the coffee shop, and of holding her in his arms. She was so small and fragile in that moment, but then when she’d smiled at him he felt like she was powerful enough to charge a thousand suns.

  
Ben wished he could see that smile every time he felt down.

 

* * *

 

Phasma went right back to work and stayed late Monday night in an effort to catch up. Ben contemplated staying at the office, but there was virtually nothing for him to do. His team had even left early for the day. He bought Phasma some Thai to be delivered to the office (a demand from him, even though Phasma insisted it wasn’t necessary), and they ate as she worked.

“You might as well go home,” Phasma finally said around 8:00 PM. “No sense in you hanging around here when you haven’t got anything to do.”  
  
Ben hummed. He supposed he could go home and work on the video. “Am I in your way?”

She chuckled. “Not so much in my way as very, very distracting. I just want to get caught up, then I can concentrate on you. On us.”  
  
That was fair. Ben pushed himself out of the armchair in her office and leaned over her desk for a kiss. “Let me know when you’re on your way home.”  
  
Phasma ran a hand over his cheek and through his hair. “Of course.”  
  
A feeling curdled in his gut on the ride home that let Ben know he’d just be miserable in his empty house. He wanted to resist it, but of course his brain helpfully reminded him that Rey was working at the Raddus that night. They could just chat while she finished up the bar totals, and once Phasma texted him, he’d head home.  


* * *

  
  
Rey was in her usual spot calculating the bar’s profits when someone slid into the seat in front of her at the bar.  
  
“Hey.” She recognized Ben’s voice before her eyes even reached his face.  
  
“Hi! You’re back again?”  
  
He nodded. “Phasma’s playing catch up at work.”  
  
“Oh, she made it home? That’s nice,” Rey responded. She was a bit glad to hear that, not because they were doing anything wrong, but that maybe Phasma’s proximity could help Rey keep her feelings in check. “Whiskey?”

“Yes, please.”  
  
Rey sauntered over to the glasses and returned, pouring Ben’s drink as she walked. “How’s the next video going?”

“It’s going,” he responded and took a slow sip. Rey watched his throat as it swallowed and then his lips as they parted. She wondered what his lips tasted like just then with the smell of whiskey on them, and was grateful for the bar between them. “I’ve started on the arrangement.”

The night continued on with him babbling about the difficulty he had arranging a song with such a prominent bass line for a single instrument. Rey did her best to finish her work while he talked. And Ben understood, keeping quiet after he noticed she hadn’t responded in a while. She looked up and saw him nursing his drink and staring off into space.

“You can keep talking if you want,” Rey said softly. “It’s not bothering me.”

Her eyes lifted to meet his and found him looking sheepish. “I don’t usually talk that much...”

Rey smiled, seeing an opportunity there. “Could have fooled me.”

She was rewarded with a delicate blush that crept from his nose and cheeks to the bits of his ears that stuck out from his dark hair. It was almost unnoticeable in the dim bar light, but they were close enough that Rey could see the contrast on his skin.

He took a long sip of whiskey. “So what kind of horrors should I expect for Friday?”  
  
Another opportunity. Rey wrote down a total on a short column, then answered. “Do you know your dress size?”

His eyes bulged as his lips pressed together, and Rey had to bite her pen to keep from laughing too hard and bringing attention to their little corner. Kaydel had been on the prowl for any juicy gossip lately.  
  
“I’m just kidding, but it’d be fun to see you recreate Freddy’s outfit from ‘I Want to Break Free.’”

“Are you fucking serious?” Ben asked, somewhere between confused and a little upset.

Rey just shook her head, delighting in the opportunity to make him squirm. “No, what I have planned is way worse.”

“Jesus fucking Christ. Maybe I’ll skip this week.” His hand covered his eyes and massaged his temple as if he were stressed, but she could see a smile behind his fingers.  
  
A giggle escaped her lips. “Yeah, fucking right. I’ll hunt you down and do your makeup myself if I have to.”

There was no witty reply hanging on the tip of his tongue, just a bit of a scoff, which made Rey wonder if she’d gone too far. She nearly began to apologize when his phone pinged and he shifted to retrieve it from his pocket.

“Ah, my wife’s on her way home.”  
  
Her heart twinged. His wife. It hurt to hear him say it like that - like he wanted to hurry home to her. But of course he did. That was why you married someone, right? Because being with them was fun and easy and preferable to most anyone else’s company. At least that’s how it seemed marriage should be to Rey.  
  
“Are you going to be okay to drive home?” she asked, wondering if it would keep him here a little longer.  
  
Ben pressed his lips together and blew out his cheeks. “You know what, could I get a glass of water when you close out my tab? Just in case.”  
  
She wanted to take her time and draw out the tasks, but there was only so much dawdling a person could do when swiping a credit card, and the station was only steps away. Rey watched his adam’s apple bob as he chugged the glass down and lamented the fact that time didn’t slow to a crawl on Monday nights.  
  
“Sorry I wasn’t good company tonight,” she said as he handed over the signed receipt. Rey tried to ignore the overly generous tip. Something about it made her feel guilty.

His eyebrows raised at that. “What are you talking about? If anything, I should apologize for bothering you at work all the time.”

But he wasn’t. Doing the sums was tedious and having someone waiting for her to finish up so they could talk made her work faster.  And now he was putting on his suit jacket before she’d even gotten the chance to enjoy his presence… Rey felt like someone had put a curse on her tonight.

A little sigh left her lips. “You didn’t bother me in the slightest. You’ve probably been the highlight of the evening.”

He paused and then gave her a shy smile. “Glad to know I’m more entertaining than doing sums.”

“You’re more entertaining than doing sums _any day._ ”

 

* * *

 

Ben was ashamed to admit to himself that he wanted to visit the bar again Tuesday night when Phasma decided to work late again. Or maybe the record store. He didn’t really even know where Rey was on Tuesday evenings and he wasn’t about to turn into a stalker just to ease his loneliness. That made it a little easier to swallow the feeling and work on the video instead.

He had decided to re-create the bass on a drum machine and do the rest on his keyboard, so from there it had been just writing up the score and practicing. It was slow and boring, but at least he was getting it done.

Wednesday brought thoughts of visiting Rey at Rebel Base Records, but he threw himself into practicing and wound up recording the drum machine part in its entirety.  
  
By Thursday, Ben felt like he was going crazy. Phasma had made it a point to come home before 10 pm the last three nights, and the first thing she did after taking off her work clothes and getting comfortable was to sit down and talk to him, a wine glass in hand. But even after a few days of talking things through, it did nothing to improve the ache in him. Her kisses and her invitations to sex just felt like a routine she was working on, or worse, a performance that was being put on just to humor him, just motions to go through. Was there a real connection between them anymore? Ben struggled to find it.  
  
Still, he wanted to give Phasma the benefit of the doubt. She wasn’t the warm, cuddly type to start with and never had been. She wasn’t going to coddle or nurture him back into feeling less shitty. She’d do her part. He’d have to do his. Wasn’t that what marriage was supposed to be? Persevering, communicating, and riding out those bad times until better ones came again?

The one person who could give him an instant fix was the one person he probably needed to avoid the most. After a great deal of thought, he decided it was fine to be at the bar on Fridays when he could invite Phasma and Hux to unwind after work, or maybe chat with Ackbar and his nephew. Rey would be working, so they couldn’t talk much and he could just enjoy her singing.  
Mondays could be written off as a new habit of talking to Rey about music. There were people watching. She was working. He didn’t always have to go. It was relatively safe.

He would avoid Rebel Base Records on Wednesdays unless he decided he wanted to buy something specific. No one from the bar would know, but Rey might figure it out and so might Amilyn. As much as he loved his aunt, she was a little too quick on the draw for his liking. Hanging around her store too often would only rouse her keen senses.

Which brought him back to tonight. Ben had no idea where Rey was on any given Thursday, but he wish he knew. He could either wait until they got a chance to talk or do something about it now.

**Ben:**

So when are you going to tell me what I’m singing tomorrow?

It had taken him a half hour to think of how to start a conversation, but this was safe and relevant. Ben took a moment to thank whatever god was out there that prevented him from being too awkward.

**Rey:**

at the store buying your wig now :)

**Ben:**

I don't make a good blonde just fyi

He had found this out when, much to the chagrin of the wig makers at the Los Angeles Opera, the director insisted on making him some blond-haired, blue-eyed Adonis for _Lohengrin_.

**Rey:**

How about strawberry blonde?

**Ben:**

You should know that trying to humiliate me via crossdressing won’t work. I grew up in theater.

He watched the bubble that indicated she was typing and tried not to feel stupid for all his anticipation.

**Rey:**

I am still determined to put you in a frock, young man.

**Ben:**

Lol pretty sure I’ve got at least 5 years on you

 **Rey:**  
Ew, you’re old? Why didn’t you tell me?

 **Ben:**  
:’(

 **Rey:**  
Wow breaking out the text emojis and showing your age

**Ben:**

I’m only 32, still counts as a millennial, right? I’m still hip.

Ben had never thought of himself as a particularly good millennial. He was awkward and interested in too many old person things. Rey seemed far more in touch with youth culture.  
  
**Rey:**

If you say so

 **Ben:**  
So what’s the song?

 

* * *

 

Rey purposefully left him on read until 5:00 pm the next day. There wasn’t any doubt in her mind that he’d know the song.

  
**Rey:**

Unbreak My Heart - Toni Braxton

**Rey:**

I went easy on you

**Ben:**

Really? Now you tell me? >:(

**Rey:**

Wow, grandpa, didn’t know you could text  
  
**Ben:**

>>>>>>:(

She giggled at the conversation, knowing that it was just teasing and he wasn’t really mad. And she had already known how old he was after she scoured the internet for videos of him singing and skimmed his Wikipedia page.  
  
And now that she thought about it, Rey hadn’t taken a look at anything other than his basic info before she had started to feel like a stalker and quit reading. She pulled up the Wikipedia page on her laptop.

Apparently Ben had studied Voice Performance at Berklee School of Music in Boston. His father was a pilot. He’d made his debut as an opera singer at the age of 22, spent a few years performing before he’d done a solo rock album.

_“In 2008, after his graduation from the Berklee School of Music, Organa took on the persona ‘Kylo Ren’ and released an album of vocally-driven industrial rock. Kylo Ren was styled as a dark, almost gothic, warrior prince from another galaxy. It is likely he was influenced by Japanese visual kei bands like Malice Mizer, whose members often created wild characters to perform in order to hide their real identities and appeal to female fans.  Organa’s debut into non-classical music was mocked by critics and fans, selling only 500 copies despite an extensive marketing campaign, and eventually he returned to opera. Digital sales numbers have not been made public.”_

Rey winced. Five hundred copies might have been acceptable for a self-published indie band trying to make it big, but for an opera protege crossing over into popular music? It would have been a massive disappointment.  
  
A knock at her door interrupted her before she had more time to think about Ben.

“Ready?” Finn’s voice called out from the other side.

“Just about!” Rey responded as she closed up her laptop and wiggled into her work boots.

They piled into Rose’s van and Poe immediately started chattering about songs for the evening, but Rey couldn’t focus on the conversation. She could only think about Ben, about his failure as a solo artist, about his father, about Leia, and how all that came to rest in one person.  
  
No wonder she heard so much sadness in his voice.

 

* * *

 

The one time he didn’t want Phasma and Hux to join him at karaoke, of course Phasma insisted on coming. And like a loyal dog, Hux followed. Possibly because he didn’t seem to have anything better to do on Fridays. Or any other friends to speak of.  
  
Phasma leaned into Ben outside the Raddus, her arms wrapped lovingly around his elbow. “I’m so glad it’s Friday and I can spend some time with you, sweetie.”  
  
He squashed the feeling that it was perfunctory and fake. She never really called him by pet names. “Me too.”

Hux just rolled his eyes quietly as they walked in.

They were met with an explosion of noise and the KJ dancing atop a table in the middle of the bar.

_I thank God every day! /That I woke up feelin' this way!/And I can't help lovin' myself!/And I don't need nobody else, nuh uh!_

Ben smiled, feeling immediately at ease in the ridiculousness of it all. Phasma on the other hand…  
  
“That cannot be sanitary,” she said, scowling already.

 _If I was you, I'd wanna be me too/I'd wanna be me too/I'd wanna be me too_  
  
“Is anything in this place sanitary?” Hux retorted as the KJ whipped her hips around.  
  
“Just remember to behave, guys,” Ben sighed as they found an empty table, waving back to Maestro Ackbar as he sat down. “No picking fights with anyone.”

_I walk in like a dime piece/I go straight to VIP/I never pay for my drinks/My entourage behind me_

As if summoned, Rey appeared at their table with her best grimace. “Back again?”  
  
“It’s all his fault, love,” Hux said, thumbing over at Ben. “We’re just here to make sure he doesn’t have too much fun.”

“Yes, you’re a wonderful mood killer, Mr... Hugs, was it? Wow, that’s an unfortunate name.”

_My life's a movie, Tom Cruise/So bless me, baby, achoo!/And even if they tried to/They can't do it like I do_

Phasma and Hux stared at Rey in shock while Ben had to hide his laughter.    
  
“What would you like to drink?” she asked innocently.  
  
“Whiskey for me please,” Ben croaked.  
  
Hux’s face had transformed into a mixture of silent anger and reproach. Phasma had hidden behind a menu.  
  
“Uuuh…” Ben said, after more long moments of silence. “Guiness for Hux here, please. And another whiskey neat for Phasma.”

_If I was you, I'd wanna be me too/I'd wanna be me too/I'd wanna be me too_

Another waitress delivered the drinks and introduced herself as their server for the rest of the night. After she left, Ben noticed a text on his phone.  
  
**Rey:**

Do you still want to do unbreak my heart tonight? I understand if you don’t

**Ben:**

Of course I do.

 **Ben:**  
Don’t worry about it. Hux deserves what you dish out.

**Rey:**

Oh good because I already signed you up and combed your wig

He huffed at her little joke and clicked his phone screen off. But he could see himself putting on a silly wig at Rey’s request, just to see her smile at him. It had been such a long week without her presence.

“You guys want to sing tonight?” he asked.

 

* * *

 

Rey’s stomach was in knots from the time she saw Ben arrive with his wife and their friend until she saw him walk back from Rose’s booth.

He really was doing it, her stupid request. That part filled her with joy. The presence of his wife and their friend just sent her back to hell. And there Rey was, taking cheap cracks at them whenever she got a chance. What was _wrong_ with her?

Thankfully there was work. Blessed work. She would just memorize orders and focus on getting tips.

For awhile, she could pull it off.  Then Rey noticed Phasma get up and sing an old pop song, some one hit wonder from the early ‘90s. The woman didn’t have a remarkable voice. There was nothing wrong with it, but she sounded bored. That surprised Rey for some reason. That Ben would marry someone who was not interested in singing. Rey didn’t know much about her, or their relationship, but somehow they seemed so mismatched…  
  
Rey caught herself focusing on the wrong thing again.

Finn and Poe were chatting with Gial Ackbar and Lee-Char Prince, and Rey automatically gravitated to them for a distraction. Her hand immediately found Finn’s shoulder and squeezed.

“How’s it going over here, guys?”

Finn looked up at her and gave her a half-hearted smile. His back was to the stage, no doubt because of who was singing.

“You okay, Finnikins?”

He nodded and patted her hand. “Starting to get used to it, I guess.”

Suddenly Rose called out, “Time for a power ballad, folks! Ben, come Un-break Our Hearts!”

Rey’s breath hitched as the bar broke out into whoops and hollering.

Poe raised an eyebrow, “Really?”

“This should be interesting,” Gial chuckled.

Behind her, Rey was aware that Ben had stood and was walking up the aisle right past her. But she froze in place. Unable to turn around, unable to react. Was he looking at her as he passed by? Did it seem appropriate that she would ignore him until he was up on stage? As far as most everyone knew, they disliked each other. Did Kaydel figure it out? She was the only one who would have seen them talking the past two Mondays. Rey tried desperately to swallow down her thudding heart.

“Finn,” she started. “Can you…”

Her friend looked up at her. “Yeah?”  
  
“Can you...record this for me?” Rey smiled deviously. “I want blackmail material.”

* * *

Ben wasn’t nervous for the obvious reasons. He knew the lyrics well enough. He had about an hour earlier to figure out the vocalization. If anything made him nervous on stage, as the opening notes began to play and he began to sing, it was what Rey would think of it.

He wanted to move her as forcefully as she had moved him with her singing. He almost wanted her to cry, except that he never wanted to be the reason she cried ever again. He didn’t know what he wanted except that his heart seemed to want Rey more and more.  
_  
_ _Don't leave me in all this pain/Don't leave me out in the rain/Come back and bring back my smile/Come and take these tears away…_

Was it possible to have your heart break over something that was never yours to begin with? The question was beginning to plague him the more he thought about the song.

_Un-break my heart/Say you'll love me again/Undo this hurt you caused/When you walked out the door/And walked out of my life/Un-cry these tears/I cried so many nights/Un-break my heart/My heart_

Rey began to physically ache as soon as Ben’s silken voice hit her ears. She hated how the rest of the bar began to cheer as he worked through the first, slow verses. Didn’t they see they were taking away from the purity of his voice?

_Take back that sad word goodbye/Bring back the joy to my life/Don't leave me here with these tears/Come and kiss this pain away!/I can't forget the day you left.../Time is so unkind.../And life is so cruel without you here beside me!_

“Damn, he is killing this,” Finn murmured as he adjusted the height of his phone’s camera.

  
If Rey hadn’t been literally mesmerized, she might have shushed him. Ben’s voice began to soar.

_Un-break my heart/Say you'll love me again/Undo this hurt you caused/When you walked out the door/And walked out of my life/Un-cry these tears/I cried so many nights/Un-break my heart/My heart_

He wasn’t moving much to the music. Rey almost didn’t notice he was until she was struck with a fresh urge to comfort him. Only then did she see the pained hunch of his shoulders and the way a fist clenched in front of his heart.

_Don't leave me in all this pain!/Don't leave me out in the rain!/Bring back the nights when I held you beside me!_

Tears began to form in her eyes. Rey had never thought about how sad this song was. It was always just there. A classic. A power ballad. Difficult, but not impossible for a singer like him. But now she regretted choosing something this heart wrenching when she couldn’t stand to hear the pain in his voice.

_Un-break my heart/Say you'll love me again!/Undo this hurt you caused/When you walked out the door/And walked out of my life/Un-cry these tears/I cried so many nights/Un-break my…_

Oh, but how beautiful he was when he put all that power behind his voice… She could fill her world with just the sound of him singing these notes, these verses.

_Un-break my heart, oh baby/Come back and say you love me/Un-break my heart, sweet darlin'/Without you I just can't go on/Can't go on_

It was almost as if his brain had switched off the entire time he performed. Ben was vaguely aware of the cheers of the crowd, the way his body had stiffened in mock heartache, but not the sound of his own voice. Not the sight of Rey or anyone else in front of him.

He was panting now as the song finished and everyone in front of him erupted into chaos. He knew where Rey was standing, but it took him a number of deep breaths before he could even turn his eyes toward her.

“Wowee!” Ben didn’t even register that the KJ had come out from her perch until she clapped him on the back. “That was really something, Benny!”

He nodded dumbly. “Thanks.”  
  
Rey hadn’t moved. She looked like she was trying not to cry. He silently begged higher powers not to make her cry. He didn’t want that. He wanted her heart full, but not like that.

“Guys, I think we should make Ben sing for us some more! What do you say, Ben? Will you let us put that voice to good use?”

Ben forgot that the KJ was talking to him for a moment. “Sure.”  
  
Rey would hear him. That was all he wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist: 
> 
> Planetarium - Justin Hurwitz (La La Land Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)
> 
> You Make Loving Fun - Fleetwood Mac
> 
> This Head I Hold - Electric Guest
> 
> Me Too- Meghan Trainor
> 
> Phasma- Jennifer Paige - Crush
> 
> Ben- Unbreak My Heart - Toni Braxton
> 
> Now some of you may be wondering: MissCoppelia, did you write a whole long-winded, slow burn fic about people having emotional affairs because of [THAT ONE REYLO MEME?](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/Afm6tOJFoAzhTrtfclbeGhHMR78vnDFwePvd_WEL5UfB8MXvMFEUEUk/)
> 
> And the answer to that question is: Yes. Yes, I fucking did. Buckle up because it's going to be a long ride, though I foresee a lot of excitement in the next few chapters! :)
> 
> I live for your feedback my dears!


	9. In the Shadow of Your Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben wows the crowd at karaoke with an a Capella performance, which causes all kinds of problems for Rose with Finn. Meanwhile, Rey is stuck between supporting the friends she loves and defending Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, as always, go to [Zabeta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zabeta/pseuds/Zabeta) for beta-reading. She turns chapters around like nobody's business!
> 
>  
> 
> [Chapter Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3VinRHInIxySExzhikt7LX?si=Pdr8Xa6PTeeEv5jtdoIvug)

“Alrighty, folks!” Rose said as she grinned behind the microphone. “We’re going to take a five minute break. Get yourself ready for what is sure to be some amazing singing.”

The house lights went up with a flick of a switch and Rey dashed over to one of her tables.

“Can I get you anything more to drink?”

Two songs in one night… She’d have to hustle to make sure her tables were happy before Ben’s next song started because if she had to work through it, she’d kick herself.

Miraculously, Rey got all her orders in and was able to get everyone’s drinks to the right tables. She didn’t even spill anything in her rush to get it all done, but when she looked up, Rose and Ben were still huddled around Rose’s set-up. They didn’t look anywhere close to being ready.

Five minutes later, the food orders came out and Ben’s table was starting to look extra grouchy. The rest of the bar seemed anxious too, with the atmosphere buzzing and many people turning their eyes toward the stage.

The first jeer came as Rey turned her back to the crowd.

“Come on, Rosie! We want to sing sometime tonight!”

Someone quickly snapped back, “Yo, man, relax.” Half the bar chuckled nervously at this.

Rose caught Rey’s eyes as she looked up. Her friend didn’t get heckled. Everyone loved Rose and the fun, positive energy she brought to karaoke nights. There was a slight frown on her face as she turned to Ben and spoke to him. Rey didn’t need to be a master lip reader to know she was asking him if he was ready. And a few quiet moments later her guess was confirmed when Rose switched on her mic.

“I’m sorry for the wait, folks, but I really think we’ve got ourselves a special treat tonight,” she said, nudging Ben out toward the center of the stage. “In case you didn’t know, Ben here is a trained opera singer and has performed on stages all over the world.”

In front of the lights, Ben plucked the stage mic from its stand and moved the stand behind him. He seemed nervous, his lips pressed tightly together, but kept quiet while Rose finished her spiel.

“I know this isn’t a fucking opera house, we ain’t that classy,” Rose continued, earning some laughter and whoops from the audience, “But this isn’t going to be a normal opera performance either! Give it up again for Ben!”

Rey felt her lungs fill and her throat close in anticipation. Was he singing an aria here at the Raddus on karaoke night? She had never heard anyone sing an opera live before.

“Thanks for your patience, guys,” Ben said into the mic. “I’ve never sung this song before, but I’ve been listening to it on repeat for a week now, so hopefully I’ll do alright.”

There was some subdued cheering and clapping from the audience. Clearly they had either run out of patience or were confused by what an opera singer would perform in a karaoke bar. Ben smiled cautiously at the crowd and returned the mic to its stand. Of course he wouldn’t need it, Rey realized as he spun around again. A voice like his was powerful on its own.

Part of her went on auto-pilot, her hand reaching for her phone and flicking it open to record as Ben adjusted himself on the stage and began.

_A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes/I screamed aloud, as it tore through them, and now it's left me blind_

He started gently, like the harp noises that would be playing in the background if he were using the backing track. That’s what he liked about this song, it saved all the impact and surprise and emotion for later, once it had drawn the listener in.

_The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out/You left me in the dark/No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight/In the shadow of your heart_

Ben saw Rey pull out her phone, so he knew she was watching. Of course, she was watching, but for a moment he felt like he should panic. Would she post a video online without his permission? But then the feeling faded. No, she wasn’t that kind of person. And he should concentrate, considering how he was sort of making this arrangement up as he went along.

_And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat/I tried to find the sound/But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness/So darkness I became_

Rey was already on the verge of tears after the first few verses. She willed them away by reasoning she wouldn’t be able to see him perform if she cried, but it was really so unfair how his voice always pulled at her heartstrings.

_I took the stars from our eyes, and then I made a map/And knew that somehow I could find my way back/Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too/So I stayed in the darkness with you_

Opera was foreign to Rey. Her terrible childhood meant she was never exposed to it aside from stereotypes. Shrill ladies singing so high they could break glass, people falling asleep in their seats, and so on. But Ben was mesmerizing. His voice was deep, even, reverberating throughout the stillness of the room. She could feel his voice run through her.

_The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out/You left me in the dark/No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight/In the shadow of your heart_

The small movements he made conveyed more than she expected, like he was really wrestling with his emotions. She could watch him move across a stage like this for hours and pay good money for it. Opera was suddenly making a lot more sense.

_The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out/You left me in the dark/No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight/In the shadow of your heart_

He ended the song with a few bars worth of vocalizations, like the original did, softly bringing the audience back to a world of quiet.

It didn’t stay that way for long, the crowd roared to life with cheers, applause, and finally the excitement of Rose’s voice. For a moment he almost felt like he was on a proper stage again, facing hundreds of people in a grand opera house.

Then he saw Rey standing just behind Hux and Phasma.

Most of the audience was giving him a standing ovation now. If Hux and Phasma stood, they’d knock right into her, and Rey looked as though she was frozen in place. He locked eyes with her, hoping to look like he was scanning the audience.

She blinked, and then he saw her sway and spring back to life. His lips twitched up into a grin, delighted at the effect he had, and he looked down at his wife.

Phasma was positively beaming. He’d rarely seen her look so radiant and so full of joy. Her smiles were usually coy, sarcastic things, or toothy, dazzling affairs meant to show enthusiasm she didn’t feel. Ben knew he had done something right if he got a wide grin paired with bright eyes. She must have liked his singing.

Something in his heart pulled and a calm settled over him. Things might be just fine between him and Phasma after all.

A hand touched his shoulder. Rose with her microphone stood beside him. “Okay, Ben, we know you love the stage, but you gotta make some room for the poor soul who has to follow you.”

He chuckled and bounced down the stairs to his table. Phasma stood to kiss him deeply, wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing him into her.

“People don’t pay good money for their drinks just to watch you two snog, you know,” Hux said, sounding just a hair’s breadth away from a dramatic eye roll.

Now it was Phasma’s turn to laugh as she pulled away from him. “Sorry, Hux. We’ll find you a boyfriend someday.”

Ben just smiled, content to sit and watch a nervous girl sing along to Toto’s “Africa.”

 

* * *

 

Watching Ben sing felt very much like being put into a trance. Rey’s mind felt foggy the rest of the night, only briefly flaring with jealousy when she saw Phasma kiss him. It dimly registered that Ben kissing his wife shouldn’t make Rey jealous, not when that clearly made him happy, which should make her happy for him. So she thought about his voice instead.

And he did seem happy the rest of the evening, whenever she managed a glance in his direction. His smile never seemed to fade, though her own certainly had. There was nothing Rey could do except scuttle back and forth, ferrying drinks and plates and new orders. If she could just work harder, maybe she wouldn’t have to think so much. But her mind wasn’t distracted enough to miss how Ben never turned his head to look at her. His attention stayed with his wife and that horrible friend of theirs.

**Rey**  
You should do that song again for your next video

It wasn’t until after closing that Rey could bear to text him. She hadn’t felt like singing herself after everything. If she had gotten up on stage, she would have had to stare at the way Ben’s arm was wrapped around Phasma’s shoulders and her voice would have caught in her throat.

It wasn’t bitterly cold out yet, not even at 2:30 AM as she watched Finn and Poe pack Rose’s equipment into the SUV. Still, Rose had cuddled up to her for warmth as they rested their feet.

“I’m sorry, Finn,” Rose said for probably the dozenth time in the past half hour. “He’s just a good singer, that’s all.”

Finn didn’t respond aside from shoving a hard case into the trunk a little more forcefully than was necessary.

Poe sighed as he picked up a crate full of wires. “Finn, baby, just accept her apology already. Rosie was just doing her job.”

Finn’s thick lips set in a tight line as he glared at the other man.

“Finn…”

“I don’t want to talk about him,” he finally said. “I don’t even want to think about him and his two goons. Apology accepted if it means we can just stop talking about it.”

Rey felt the guilt pool in her gut. She could spend all day and night thinking about Ben, but her friends would probably never understand her feelings for him. If it hadn’t been for the times she’d spent alone with him, she would probably still hate him too. Even Rose, who was obviously the most open of them all to interacting with Ben, was now mumbling something about how it hadn’t been worth it.

“I think Rose was right to do it,” Rey said suddenly. “He’s a good singer and he made the night more interesting.”

Rose lifted her head off Rey’s shoulders. “Um...thanks?”

Poe raised his eyebrows in surprise, but Finn still had his back turned, his hands gripping the car and turning his knuckles pink.

“Really? After all the bullshit those three have given you while you’re serving them?”

Rey nodded, even though Finn couldn’t see her. “He’s the nicest of them. He listens when I tell them to behave. The other two are exactly the kind of wankers you’ve always said they were.”

Finn sighed heavily and turned to pick up another box. “Whatever, it’s done. I don’t want to think about any of them anymore.”

They rode back home in silence.

 

* * *

 

**Rey**  
You should do that song again for your next video

Ben read the message as he walked down to his bathroom first thing in the morning. Rey had sent it late last night, at what looked like the end of her shift. He and Phasma had already gone home, fucked, and fallen asleep. Phasma had been all over him the rest of the night, far more affectionate than she usually was. It felt good. It felt like things between them were beginning to head in the right direction. They were making progress.

But Rey was right. This idea was way better than “Psycho Killer.” It was a fun song to sing, but the arrangement kept tripping him up and it had become rather frustrating. “Cosmic Love” would be simple and he could be done with it fast. He could even be done with it today if he got started after his morning run.

**Ben**  
You’re right. I’m going to do it today.

“Psycho Killer” could be the next video or something. He sighed with relief. Another stressful thing had fallen into place and now maybe he could relax.

The rest of his day passed by too easily. His morning run was easy and energizing, not just the usual effort to get rid of stress. He recorded more than a few takes of “Cosmic Love” with ease and wound up making reservations with Phasma for a nice dinner and a play down in Laguna Beach. He’d polish up the video tomorrow and post it on Monday.

 

* * *

 

**Rose**  
Save me, everything in the house is so tense.

**Rey**  
Oh noooo I’m doing homework but you can come and hide here

**Rose**  
Yes please I’ll bring work

Finn was still sulking about last night. He wasn’t picking any fights, but apparently wasn’t very enthusiastic at breakfast and ignored Rose and Poe the rest of the morning. Poe decided to escape to the gym, but Rose was stuck home with a freelance project.

“I mean, I get it,” Rose sighed as she laid herself out on Rey’s little couch. “It’s just that we can’t help who comes to the bar and who sings at karaoke nights. I’m not really allowed to kick anyone out unless they’ve caused a serious disturbance. They haven’t done anything that warrants that.”

“I still don’t think you did anything wrong,” Rey commented as she brought a little side table over for Rose to use. “And I was there with him when all that shit happened with the First Order, so I’d know.”

It had been a miserable time. She’d come home from her jobs to find Finn crying in his room, then spent most of the evenings helping him get to sleep before struggling through her homework with heavy-lidded eyes. More than once Rey begged him to quit First Order Marketing, but Finn had thought that it would have been a black mark on his record. He couldn’t be convinced otherwise, so he suffered and suffered and suffered.

Then he ran, leaving a burning bridge behind him and an even more broken man inside. It took him so long to heal and every tear he cried had been on her shoulders. Rey had sworn up and down she’d forever hate whomever did this to Finn, her rock, her best friend.

So she didn’t blame him now for still being so mad. Finn wasn’t mad at Rose, or at Poe. He was mad that he had to face his tormentors again. He was mad that it still made him so angry.

She should go down and check on him.

Rey found him cleaning the pantry. Meticulously. Half its contents were on the floor while Finn scrubbed the shelving. An old habit. There were always chores that needed doing in the group foster home where they met, and there wasn’t anything better to do most days. The work kept their minds off the injustices of the world.

“Hey,” Rey said softly, sitting on the floor beside the pantry and picking up a box of quinoa.

“Hey,” Finn replied with a grunt. He was working in the corners. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”

“You know that’s literally impossible for me to do, right?”

From deep within the cupboard Finn let out a frustrated sigh. “I swear to God if all of you don’t stop fussing over me, I’m going to be angrier than I ever was about the whole stupid thing.”

Rey laughed. “I’m not fussing over you, I just came over to see if you needed me.”

With that he pulled his head and arms out of the cupboard and gave her a serious look. “For fuck’s sake, Rey. I’m fine.”

Rey just shrugged. “Well, we haven’t hung out in a while either. Just the two of us.”

With that a smile broke out onto Finn’s face. “I can’t just leave the cupboard undone.”

“I can wait.”

Rey might have kicked his ass at Street Fighter V a few too many times before she had to return to her homework. They didn’t go easy on each other.

**Poe**  
Rey we love you to the ends of the earth and back, but now Finn’s trying to prove he’s the best Street Fighter player in the house and I can only text you now because I escaped to pee

**Rose**  
Honestly, it’s an improvement over this morning. I’ll take it.

**Poe**  
You only escaped because of your project! Traitor!

**Rose**  
Don’t be mad at me for putting food on the table!

**Rey**  
You’re welcome

**Poe**  
Yes. Sorry. Thanks for fixing our boyfriend.

**Rose**  
Thanks babe you’re the bestest as always

Rey was tapping away when she noticed the little symbol indicating an unread text in her messages. She hit send and immediately went to check it.

**Ben**  
You’re right. I’m going to do it today.

For a brief moment, Rey felt upset. She had managed to not think much about Ben Solo all morning and afternoon, and now he’d intruded into her thoughts once again. But then her heart flooded with warmth and love, and Rey forgot all about her irritation.

 

* * *

 

Ben had buried his nose deep into video editing on Sunday. If he finished, he could post on Monday morning and not have Snoke looming over him all the rest of the week. So it wasn’t until he had a cut he liked that he saw the email.

_**Subject: Urgent Issue with China Commercial** _

Skimming its contents, Ben knew that he’d have to run to the office to work it out.

“Phaz, I gotta take care of something at work,” he called out, stepping out of the garage.

Her blonde head poked up from behind the back of the couch. “Aw, we were going to do something when you finished your video.”

Guilt washed over him for a moment, but if she could prioritize her work over him, then he had to do the same when it was important. “I know. I’m sorry. I’ll be back in a few hours, I’m sure. We’ll find something to watch or something.”

He leaned over to grab a quick peck from her lips before finding his keys and wallet.

In reality the issue was far less serious than it seemed. China was just starting its work day on Monday. Ben spent two hours furiously typing out emails and calling his contacts at the record company stateside on their personal phones. No one was particularly happy with him for calling on a weekend, but the promise of a visit to an upscale bar with a locker full of excellent Japanese whiskey and other favors seemed to soothe the most irate ones. The whole issue was resolved before it’d even begun to get dark outside.

He pulled up into his driveway contemplating a walk around the Newport Back Bay or Heisler Park, if they could make it to Laguna without hitting traffic. It would be nice. Romantic.

“Hey, I’m back!”

Walking into the open plan living room, he noticed Phasma’s absence from the couch. Not surprising. She wasn’t such a bookworm that she’d spend all day reading. She was probably up in the little gym rowing or checking her own work emails in bed.

“Okay, be right down!” Phasma responded. Upstairs just like he thought.

He grabbed a glass from a cupboard and poured himself a glass of water from the fridge. Sipping, Ben strolled over to the window to their backyard just in time to see something orange colored duck behind a fence.

Their next door neighbor’s cat came to mind. Ben hadn’t seen her in quite a while, but the old copper-colored tabby was a common fixture in their backyard. He’d have to ask Mr. Canady about Cinnamon next time he saw the man.

“Well that was pretty quick!” Phasma exclaimed as she sauntered over and gave him a kiss.

Ben smiled, noticing the flush in her cheeks and the sports bra she was wearing. “Yeah, I got lucky.”

“So what do you want to do?” she asked.

His mind briefly flashed back to the vistas he’d been thinking about earlier, then his brain quickly pushed that option aside. Replacing it was Phasma’s smile, the brief swell and shine of her chest, her skin still damp with sweat.

His own grin crept up his face. “I’d really like to fuck you over the couch right now, what do you think?”

“Sounds perfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist:  
> Arco Arena - Cake  
> Cosmic Love - Florence + the Machine  
> Africa - Toto  
> Just Friends - Amy Winehouse  
> With A Little Help From My Friends - The Beatles  
> The Chain - Fleetwood Mac
> 
> Man, I can't believe it's been almost two months since I last posted a chapter! I'm sorry, everyone! FanimeCon staffing duties and writing for the RFFA consumed my life! But now I should have more time for both this and my other WIP, [ Mistranslations](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17679089/chapters/41699627).
> 
> What else? [I joined twitter!](https://twitter.com/MsCoppelia) I hope I don't regret that later... 
> 
> Also I just need you to know that Kilimanjaro does not rise above the Serengeti. It's not even really close to the Serengeti. But I guess no one wanted to write lyrics about Ngorongoro Crater rising like Olympus above the Serengeti. Cowards.


	10. See I've Already Waited Too Long

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben keeps looking to find new excuses to spend time with Rey. Will he act on his feelings at all?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to [TehanuFromEarthsea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TehanuFromEarthsea/pseuds/TehanuFromEarthsea) and [ kylosren](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kylosren/pseuds/kylosren) for beta-reading this chapter!
> 
>  
> 
> [Chapter Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0DHpTghlfNtsJq07lIsELe?si=sAKJfqSpTPaNb7rV1EtZBQ)

 

“Wonderful performance, Ben”

 

Ben sucked in a breath, his nervousness flaring for one last moment before he breathed out again and released it.

 

“Thank you, sir. I’m glad you approve of it.”

 

Snoke closed the browser, and turned to Phasma who was sitting beside him. “What do you think, dear?” 

 

Phasma smiled. “Well, I did get to hear him perform it live on Friday at the karaoke bar. It was just as spectacular the second time.” 

 

Snoke nodded his approval and picked up an envelope, handing to Ben. “Ms. Kanata sent us an early copy of the magazine. The article says are wasting your talents working here.”

 

The magazine slid out with a loud thunk into his hand, and Ben’s nerves returned. “Oh?”

 

“Is that how you feel about working here, Solo?” 

 

He didn’t want to look into Snoke’s questioning stare, but Ben knew that he had to in order to pass muster. Lifting his eyes, he laughed softly. “I think that’s just Maz’s way of trying to get me fired so she can make me do opera again.”

 

Snoke hummed to himself, his eyes dropping to the magazine. Phasma gave Ben a look that said it was up to him to save himself. 

 

“Don’t worry too much, sir. I’m done with that world.”

 

“Good. You may go now. Think about your next video.”

 

Back inside his department’s offices, Ben sighed deeply, a mixture of relief and new stress. There was no one else who could make him feel like such an abject failure at a job he knew he did well. There was nothing else to do but work harder to prove to Snoke that Ben deserved his place here.

 

“I heard you posted a new video, Mr. Solo?” 

 

Ben’s head swiveled to the source of the voice and found Dopheld Mitaka behind him, clutching some paperwork and looking rather excited. Normally the younger man was very quiet around the office - the only fact about his personality that Ben ever cared to notice.  
  
“Oh. Yes, I did.”

 

With that the black-haired man broke out into a wide smile that made him look around 15 years old instead of the 20 or 30-something Ben suspected he was. “I can’t wait to watch it. Your first one was amazing!” 

 

Ben couldn’t help but smile back. “Thank you.”

 

* * *

 

Rey knew she didn’t _have_ to watch Ben’s new video when the notification pinged on her phone. She had seen him perform the exact same song on Friday after all, and it seemed almost silly to watch it again during her break between classes instead of starting a bit of homework for her aerodynamics class. Getting ahead on a difficult assignment would have been far more productive. The next few days would be busy. She’d be tired after her shift a Plutt’s too.

  
Even knowing this, she didn’t make it more than five minutes without giving in and opening up Youtube.

 

She melted into the armchair in a not-so-quiet corner of the student union building and watched Ben sing. Something about his manner seemed constrained compared to on stage, in front of a live audience.  It honestly lacked a little bit of the emotion that he had shown on stage Friday night. She wondered if he felt more awkward in front of the camera. The second time around, Rey closed her eyes and just listened to his voice.

 

Ben had changed a few parts since Friday. He had tweaked some of his phrasing -improving some of it as he recorded. Or maybe it just sounded different outside the Raddus. The bar had an energy to it, a certain level of noise, that smoothed over the minor imperfections of a performance in a way that a sterile recording environment couldn’t. 

 

But that didn’t stop the richness of Ben’s voice. Not really. 

 

Rey pressed the play again button and sunk back down into the chair, allowing herself to relax and remember the feel of Ben’s arms around her. Her schoolwork could wait. 

 

* * *

 

Ben didn’t hesitate today. Buoyed by the steady stream of positive comments from his video, he decided to head to the Raddus to get Rey’s opinion. Phasma was predictably busy with another project, but promised to try to get home earlier.

 

He was in the parking lot by 6:30 PM.

 

Rey looked stunned to see him there, but smiled by the time he pulled into the seat in front of her.

 

God, she was beautiful. Her hazel eyes were bright and her skin seemed to glow with happiness tonight. From what, Ben didn’t know, but he hoped it had something to do with the sight of him.

 

“Hi,” he said, feeling a little breathless in her presence. “How’ve you been?”

 

“Hi. I’m doing good,” she replied. “Whiskey again?”  
  
“Yeah, thanks.” 

 

She sauntered over to the bar to pour him a glass and returned. “How was your weekend? Looks like you were productive.”

 

Ben nodded and smiled. “You watched it?”  
  
“Of course I did!” She exclaimed. “After all the work it took to find a song for you? It was great!”

 

Ben felt himself flush a little. “Thank you for all your help with that. I don’t think I would have posted anything if it wasn’t for you. And then I’d probably be on my boss’ shit list.”

 

“Yikes.” Rey grimaced in reaction and picked up her pencil again. “That bad?”

 

“Yeah. Did I tell you about the interview I had to do and how well that went over with him?”

 

Her eyebrows raised. “No. Sounds like it was a bit of a cock up.”

 

“It was…”

 

* * *

 

They spend a good part of an hour laughing about the interview Ben did and the ridiculous posturing his boss does on a regular basis, then about Rey’s horribly uncoordinated professors and the start of her semester. 

 

Rey had essentially abandoned the accounting she was supposed to be doing, and it slipped back into her mind as she watched Kaydel give her a knowing glance as Kaydel put a plate of food down in front of another patron.

 

They were the only staff at the bar that night other than a security guy and Teedo, who would be playing games on his phone in the back of the kitchen until an order came in. It was quiet, really quiet, aside from Ben and Rey. 

 

“Hey,” she said, her voice dropping down to much quieter level. “Are you singing this Friday? For the band night?”

 

Ben paused. “Oh, is that this Friday?”

 

Rey nodded and watched him as he brought out his phone. She had already signed up for a slot, of course.

 

“It’s full,” he said a few moments later before looking at her with a sad smile. “I guess I’ll have to try for next time.”

 

Trying not to show the disappointment on her face, Rey shrugged. “That’s too bad. I’ll be singing.”

 

“Yeah? I’ll still come then.”

 

“Yeah. You should join the mailing list so you can sign up sooner next time.”  
  
His focus returned to his phone and Rey tried to get started on some work instead of watching him. It didn’t work, but it at least it looked like she was checking on him instead of just brazenly staring at the way his dark hair fluttered across his forehead. She wanted to brush it back, to touch him again, even just a little. But all Rey could do was bite her lip and try to bring her focus back to the books.

 

“How was your weekend?” Ben asked, putting down his phone and turning his attention to the remaining whiskey in his glass. “Do anything fun?”

 

Rey shook her head. “I had to do homework, and then Finn needed some help cheering up after Friday.”  
  
“Is he okay? Did Hux or Phasma say anything to him?”

 

The worried tone of his voice made Rey realize her mis-step. “He’s fine. They didn’t say anything to him.” 

 

“What happened?” Ben asked, his brown eyes on her now, deep with concern.  
  
Rey met his eyes for a moment, but looked down again. The guilt swirled in her stomach, even though it was nothing she felt or did. It would hurt Ben no matter what she said, so she might as well be truthful.  
  
“Finn’s been upset that you and the others keep coming to the bar. So he was upset when Rose asked you to perform another song on Friday.”

 

Ben’s face dropped.  
  
Rey scrambled for some explanation. “It’s nothing personal, really. He doesn’t really know you! It was just all the trauma from his time at First Order…”

 

“No,” Ben said quietly. “He deserves an apology for what happened. Next time I’m here alone I’ll do it.”

 

Without thinking Rey reached out for his hand. Just a light graze against his knuckles as she thanked him for thinking of Finn. But she noticed his eyes widen as he looked down and a slight intake of breath.

 

Maybe...maybe she shouldn’t touch him again. Maybe he didn’t want her to. It was probably uncomfortable for him, a woman who wasn’t his wife to be hugging him, brushing his hand like this.  
  
“Sorry,” she mumbled.

 

“For what?” 

 

“Touching you.” 

 

She watched his face turn into a frown, as his mouth opened to say something in protest before closing it and leaning in just a little.  
  
“It’s fine. We’re friends, right?”  
  
What had he wanted to say before he stopped himself? Her heart tumbled over his expressions, hoping that she hadn’t just made a huge faux pas and destroyed what little of a relationship they had.

 

But they were friends. Or at least Ben wanted them to be friends. That was something.

 

“Yeah.”

 

Ben smiled at her, relaxed now. “Then it’s fine.”

 

* * *

 

The house was empty when Ben got home from the bar.

 

He knew it wouldn’t be for much longer, since Phasma had already texted him that she was leaving the office, but tonight the emptiness expanded beyond the physical and into Ben’s heart. He had a feeling it would remain there long after Phasma stepped through the door.

 

It shocked him how much Rey seemed to fill the gaps that he didn’t realize were missing. The little touches that made him feel more connected to her than for his own wife made him ache. When was the last time Phasma touched him unprompted, just to reassure or to just enjoy the feel of him?  Even realizing that it was probably not that long ago, just something he didn’t remember, Ben thought about how much he missed that sort of touch.

 

Sinking into the bed, he tried to imagine Phasma touching him more, maybe lying with his head in her lap, stroking his hair. Except it wasn’t Phasma appearing in his mind. It wasn’t Phasma when he imagined a hand slipping into his. Or when he pondered fingers curling and uncurling on his thighs as he sat on the couch watching TV. It was always Rey.

 

Rey would probably be greedy, clingy, maybe even suffocating at times. He could imagine her next to him a million different ways. Curled up as close as can be on the couch, entangling herself in his limbs, in his hair, or just simply pressed together. He wanted to be curled up around her too.  
  
Yes, part of him did really want it to be Phasma. That would be as it should be. That would be easier. But if Ben was listening to his heart at all, he knew that Phasma made him feel as hollow as the house.

 

When she came home, Phasma gave him a kiss. When they went to bed, a kiss. Ben wondered what he would get if he asked for something more, but he had a feeling it would only be fakery. It would be forgotten as soon as possible until he brought it up again. And again. And again. Ben didn’t feel like asking.

 

It wasn’t a surprise when the hollow feeling followed him into Tuesday when Phasma kissed him good morning. Ben tried to distract himself with work, but every spare moment his eyes trailed over to the direction of Phasma’s office.

 

She had been affectionate on Friday after his performance. She had been proud of him. Did he have to perform well or beg every time he wanted her to do that?

 

By Wednesday morning, Ben had thought on it long enough. If he wasn’t going to get the kind of love and affection he wanted from his marriage, then perhaps it was better to seek it out from friends and family. Maybe that could help him save his marriage while also catering to his need for more friendships.

 

It was a little hard to admit to himself it was a grand excuse to head over to Rebel Base Records, but he had a lot of other good reasons. Tante Holdo would be happy to see him again, Rey could help him pick out something for his next song, that sort of thing. If Ben got something else out of it in the process, then that wasn’t so bad.

 

Just thinking about it made his day a little better. 

 

Mitaka came in to give him the department’s mid-week updates, and for once Ben didn’t feel like smashing the desk in frustration, even if Thanisson and Lusica were behind on their various projects as per usual. 

 

“Don’t worry about staying late tonight, Phaz,” he told her after work. “I’m going to run a few errands and one of them might take me awhile.”

 

“Oh,” she said as he kissed her cheek. “That’s good because I do have a few things I was hoping to get done here.”

 

Ben smiled, but he wasn’t surprised. There hadn’t been a noticeable drop in Phasma’s workload. “I’ll see you at home, then.”

 

He pulled into the parking lot of little strip mall and looked inside the store for a moment. In the growing darkness, the store glowed from the inside, a little microcosm that shone like a TV screen in a dark room.

 

There were a few people inside, shuffling around the CD racks and stacks of vinyl records. Rey was talking to someone as they made their final purchases, so he waited and watched more. 

 

The walls of the record store were covered with brightly colored band posters and other random music paraphernalia. It was too full, a bit like the Raddus’ over the top decor. There was no simplicity to the place and that made it burst with life. Ben was drawn in by it, entranced as if he had never been someplace like it before.

 

The inside of his car was safe. If he stayed inside, he’d be protected from whatever it was that was in there. It was something he’d been avoiding for a long time, probably too long. Instead of being scared or angry at life, he was ready to start making up for lost time.

 

* * *

 

It had been a strange evening for Rey. The sky got dark too early and nothing felt quite the same once night fell. Plus the heat of the day made it feel like it was still summer, and that was never fun. Always a chance of fires this time of year, which worried Rey even though she lived too deep into the suburbs to be threatened by one. 

 

Soon it would be October and autumn would feel a bit more real, as pumpkins and other Halloween lawn decor started to make themselves known. Until then, fall was just darkness and heat. 

 

Ben felt like a hallucination crossing her path, like some sort of faerie king as he walked up to the counter and quietly said hello to her.

 

Rey blinked a few times. “You’re here?”

 

That made him chuckle. “Yeah, I thought it’d be nice to see you and my aunt. I wanted to pick up some new music too.”

 

Rey tried to smile, but her heart was still beating too fast to process the fact that Ben was really right in front of her. “Oh, okay. Should I get her to come out to the front?”

 

His eyebrows raised at that. “No, not yet. How’s it going tonight? You look tired.”

 

“Oh... I think it’s just the start of classes. It’s always a little rough.”

 

Ben leaned over the counter, perhaps to get a little closer to her, Rey couldn’t tell. “Anything I can do?”  
  
_Lord,_ he was going to kill her with everything he was making her feel. “It’s nothing I can’t deal with.”

 

He straightened and looked almost disappointed despite the words coming out of his mouth. “That’s good…. Want to help me pick out some stuff to listen to? I have to do another video soon.”  
  
That made her feel a flush creeping up her chest. The visits to the bar on Mondays she was used to now, but Rey didn’t know if she could handle him hanging around Rebel Base Records on Wednesday too.

 

“Another? You just finished the last one.”

 

Shrugging, Ben rubbed at his jaw. “My boss is a demanding guy.”

 

Rey hopped out of her seat and started walking around the counter. “Were you think of anything in particular?”

 

“No, not yet. People seemed to like me turning pop songs into arias though.” Ben followed her towards the main section of the store. A few customers glanced at them and then back to the shelves. “They left all kinds of suggestions. I’m seriously debating ‘Baby Got Back.’”

 

A loud snort burst through Rey’s nose and mouth before she could stop it. The other customers turned and stared at her like she was insane, but Rey was already laughing at that point. “Oh, god, I don’t even know what that would sound like but please do that one.”  
  
Ben was laughing too, “Seriously?”  
  
“Yes! Oh my god, yes.”  


Rey regained her breath and looked at him. He had already closed the distance between them and was by her side, waiting for her to lead him further into the store. He was almost a bit too close. Half a step more and they’d almost be touching, the kind of distance where he could easily take her into his arms, kiss her…

 

Quickly, she wiped a tear from her eye and took a deep breath to banish the thought from her head. “So looking for anything in particular?”  
  
“Not really, I thought I’d let you steer me in a direction and see if anything interesting came out of it.”

 

“Okay, so over here we have Sir Mix-a-lot’s greatest hits album…”

 

That earned her a chuckle. “I was thinking something more rock-oriented than that.” 

 

Rey sighed as she walked toward their rock section. It was pretty unhelpful when people were vague about what they were looking for, and this was no different. “Tell me what you like to listen to.”

 

“Ah, I listen to a lot of different things…” 

 

“Ben,” she sighed. “C’mon give me more than that! Are you in the mood for metal? Ska? Oldies? Emo?”

 

“Hm, let’s start with metal, I guess…”

 

Rey smiled and stepped toward the H section. “Well, I can’t see you singing one of their songs, but there’s this band I like called Halestorm. They’re a bit more hard rock than metal, but they’re good.”

 

She found the CD quickly and passed it over to Ben to inspect. He hummed as he did and nodded. “Okay, sounds good.”

 

Rey took him on a little tour of the store, just randomly pulling out CDs she hoped he’d like. Each time, he’d look it over approvingly and add it to his pile. Ben had accumulated six CDs by the time she thought to ask if it was enough.

 

Turning to look over her shoulder, Rey realized he was standing close to her again as he looked at the rack of CDs above her head and the question died in her throat. If she moved anymore, her back would be up against his chest. It would be heaven to nestle against him, to have his arms come around her, holding her there just for closeness sake.

 

Then she had to pull herself back into reality. It was there, just hanging at the edge of their little bubble, waiting to make Rey feel guilty for her wild thoughts about a married man. Reality hurt, but at least it prevented her from tumbling too far into fantasy.

 

“Do you want to look at more or do you think that’s enough for tonight?” she asked.

 

Ben looked at the stack of CDs in his hand and then back at her. For a moment she thought she saw a look in his eyes, as if he didn’t want to return to reality either, then it faded and his soft, polite smile took its place.  “Yeah, I guess this is enough for now.”

 

He stepped back, allowing Rey to turn and head back up to the front desk. Each step brought the horrible reminder that her crush was illicit and wrong, that this meeting was only happening because of coincidence.

 

Rey scanned each item, hating how the glaring beeps meant one last moment of time with Ben gone. Still there was nothing she could do except bag his purchases and wait for him to say goodbye. At least he’d be at the Raddus on Friday, even though they never got to talk on Fridays. 

 

“When’s your dinner break?”

 

Ben’s hand brushed hers as he took the plastic bag from her hand. 

 

The way he said it was all wrong, like he was nervously asking her out on a date instead of asking a friend out. Or perhaps that was her imagination.  


 “N-not for…” she clicked her phone on. “Not for another hour.”

 

Ben bit his lip as Rey watched helplessly. That wasn’t the kind of reaction a friend would make at slightly disappointing news, was it? He was too eager, too desperate. She felt like she was reading all his cues wrong and sending herself further down a rabbit hole. 

 

“Okay, Do you want to grab something real quick? I can wait in my car for you.”

 

Rey could stop this, she really could. If only she was strong-willed enough. “For a whole hour?”

 

Ben nodded. “I don’t mind.”

 

Taking a deep breath, Rey tested her strength once again and found it replaced by curiosity. She didn’t know what would happen if she went. Perhaps it really would be just a simple dinner with a new friend that she had a horrible crush on. And this was how you made friends, right? Just by spending time together, enjoying each other’s company.

 

“Okay. I’ll meet you outside in an hour then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist:  
> Top of the World - Kimbra  
> True - Spandau Ballet  
> How Soon Is Now? - The Smiths  
> I’ve Been in Love Before - Cutting Crew
> 
> It's been another two months since my last update, yikes! Unfortunately things have just been busy and I've been writing a whole heck of a lot of other stuff including my RFFA anthology fic, my other WIP, and various one shots. (You can see all that [here.)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissCoppelia/pseuds/MissCoppelia)
> 
> I'm thinking of speeding things up for the next chapter. Slow burn is fine and all, but I'm getting impatient to get to the meat of this story. With any luck it will help me write a bit faster? Who knows. I make no promises these days. Part of the problem is that I've got a bunch of work trips happening right now and later this fall, so I'm going to be shorter on free time to write than I'd like.
> 
> Anyway, I'm so happy to have this chapter done and ready to publish so you guys don't have to wait any longer! Comments are love and motivation!

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed reading! By the way, song suggestions are always welcome. If you have any lovely songs that feel like Reylo to you, or just songs about some of the themes of this fic, I'd love to know what you recommend!
> 
> You can find me on pillowfort & tumblr as misscoppelia!


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